Author: David Medsker (Page 32 of 65)

24, Hour 11: “Hi, my name’s Morris.” “Hi, Morris.” “And my ex-wife is a bloody nutcase.”

Man, I wish I were blogging “Heroes” instead. That show rules. My wife and I always watch that first, and not just because I have to sit down and write the “24” blog after watching each night’s episode. We watch “Heroes” first because we’re emotionally involved in it…and God, how can you not be involved in an episode like the one they showed tonight? Poor Claire. Hasn’t she suffered enough?

Oh, right, CTU. Sigh.

Jack sends Heidi Petrelli and Jack Jack back to CTU, and the first thought I had was, “They’re going to get ambushed.” Man, I hope I’m wrong about that, but this show is all about the ambush (Teri and Kim, Audrey Raines and her father, etc.). Jack and Heidi share a tender moment away from Jack Jack, and Jack tells Heidi, “He reminds me of you.” Afterward, I swear I heard Jack mutter under his breath, “But mostly me.”

There’s a power struggle taking place at CTU, with Nadia becoming highly suspicious of Morris and his binge drinking. That’s an interesting choice for a girl whose rights were recently restricted because of her race, but hey, we’re not ones to judge. Is the fact that Milo gave her his clearance ever going to come back into play? You don’t write something like that into the story without following up on it.

One quick note on Chloe’s obsession with proving Morris’ guilt, however justified it may be: they have to stop with this whole bait-and-switch thing. They set up Morris as guilty from the first frame, only to turn it on Chloe in the end when she bursts into the men’s room to accuse him. That trick is all well and good, but don’t go to the well too often. And by too often, I mean every single opportunity. See my ambush comment above.

The subplot involving President Buck Buck Brawwwwwwk, so far, is a dud. He’s a reformed man, or so he says, and yet he’s fingering a strait-laced Russian as an ‘in’ (an ‘in’ that’s also a convenient, untraceable back door) to Miss Gredenko and the nukes. The fact that the line he quotes in the mirror is also highlighted in his Bible, however, is a sign that there is far greater significance to everything, a la Michael Scofield’s taped message to Sara in “Prison Break.” Is Logan tired of house arrest and his Hussein-style beard, and hopes that the Ruskies will bust him loose? That’s a gutsy move, but then again, they have already set it up so that the US has no sovereign power at the meeting place, which could facilitate Logan’s escape rather well. Wouldn’t he miss his beloved First Lady of Crazy? Or did he have her fed to rabid dogs before he struck his deal? You just never know with that man.

Which brings us to the White House, where all the killing is taking place. Mr. Swank is dumber than he would care to admit, and not because he tried to take out Assad without hurting the President: he’s dumb because forensics will examine the scene and conclude that the man who brought in the tape recorder is the one who made the bomb, and the record will show that that man was brought into the bunker by…Mr. Swank. The Biscuit, meanwhile, is trying to foil the plan by causing a pressure surge on some pipe or other in the seemingly off-the-grid pipe room, and all I could think was him thinking to himself, “Damn…these…stumpy…legs!” The hit man warns him, “You try that again, I’ll kill you.” Pansy. Any contract killer worth his salt would have killed the Biscuit right then and there, and dealt with the consequences later.

The President was badly injured in the blast (curiously, they mentioned nothing about Assad’s condition, even though he was in between the bomb and the President), which appears to be paving the way for Senator Roark to assume control and lock all the coloreds up once and for all. And this all might make for interesting television but…

…why is it that I want Jack Bauer to die?

Kiefer Sutherland himself said two or three seasons ago that no one should be untouchable on this show, not even Jack. I think it’s high time they play that card, since a cat only has nine lives after all. The only problem is that they haven’t set up anyone to take his place, and anyone they could have groomed for the role during the show’s run is now either dead (Curtis) or missing a forearm (Chase Edmunds). Damn, I knew they killed Nina Myers too early.

Box Office Roundup: Movie goers’ taste in mouth, mouth only

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Ghost Rider: $19.7 million, $78.6 million to date (owner: Will Harris, What’s All This, Then?)
Suddenly, the idea of James Cameron making an “Aquaman” movie doesn’t seem so strange after all. Scary, yes, but not strange.
2) The Number 23: $15.1 million (Deb Medsker, Punch and Pie Pictures)
Let’s see, $15.1 million, which means 1+5+1 equals 23 New Line employees getting their asses handed to them Monday morning.
3) Bridge to Terabithia: $13.5 million, $46.2 million to date (Bill Clark, Norbit Will Tank)
In an unrelated story, Dakota Fanning was seen walking into a movie theater with a bazooka.
4) Reno 911: Miami: $10.4 million (Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Pictures)
Heh heh, they made a joke about a blowhole. Who doesn’t love blowholes?
5) Norbit: $9.7 million, $74.6 million to date (owner: David Medsker, Republicans for Voldemort)
All right, now I’ll admit it: I’m ashamed that this movie is making my studio so much money.
9) The Astronaut Farmer: $4.5 million (owner: Kristin Dreyer Kramer, Nights and Weekends)
It’s only a matter of time before the PG rating system just disappears altogether in a haze of who-the-hell-cares. Sad.

This week: David Fincher’s shockingly low-key “Zodiac” finally makes it debut, while William H. Macy foregoes 15 years of street cred to make a movie with Tim Allen, John Travolta and Martin Lawrence (“Wild Hogs”).

24, Hour 10: This week, on “Dynasty of Terror”

The president of our company wasn’t kidding: “24” has turned into “Dynasty.” The latest obstacle to hamper CTU is…a drinking problem. That is not a typo. The part of Amy Winehouse is played by Morris O’Brien, who, when faced with what he perceives to be a painful reminder of his own cowardice at the hands of the man that he had previously deemed an intellectual subordinate, unravels to the point where he chugs nearly a pint of whiskey, only to purge it from his system in a fit of shame seconds later. “Call your sponsor,” Chloe admonishes when he comes back stinking of whiskey. I suppose that last nugget of information negates the Winehouse joke; if they tried to make Amy Winehouse go to rehab, she’d say no, no, no.

In fact, the majority of the episode contained more relationship melodrama than political intrigue. “Don’t kill my son!” “I killed your husband, and I’ll kill your son.” “He won’t kill him, he wants me.” “I had to go my own way.” “Don’t turn me in to Buchanan!” “Call your sponsor!” Ugh. The most interesting plot thread was given the least amount of attention, and that is the Biscuit’s betrayal of the President. Sure, it looked bad for the Biscuit as he’s handing over the President’s itinerary, but there is no way he would go from resigning to whacking the Commander in Chief in a matter of minutes, right? No, of course not, which is why it was such a relief to see him call the head of Secret Service the second in an attempt to thwart the plot…and why it didn’t surprise us in the slightest to see Mr. Swank pop the Biscuit the second he knew that he was being played. Let us guess: now the Biscuit is framed for the hit if it proves to be unsuccessful.

Don’t let her shrieking fool you: Heidi Petrelli is one strong woman. She has hardly cried a tear for the death of her husband, which happened only an hour or so ago. She didn’t even flinch when Jack gently brushed her delicate brunette locks out of her face. I’m not sure exactly what happened between those two in the past, but that moment, this soon after the death of her husband and his brother, is creepy. I don’t care if he just helped save Jack Jack’s life. Wouldn’t you at least let the body get cold before bustin’ a move?

During one of the blink-chunk, blink-chunk moments, they showed the Biscuit strapped down like he was suffering spinal trauma. From a flashlight, wielded by Mr. Swank? Not buying it, sorry. Dude may be evil, but he’s not supernatural.

And then there’s the Great Reveal in the last two minutes. Daddy Dearest/Farmer Hoggett manages to slip out after having his son, the freaking CTU agent, kneel down in preparation for an execution-style bullet in the skull. Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that there isn’t a man alive the same age as James Cromwell that can sneak out of a meeting of narcoleptics. Jack realizes Daddy Dearest isn’t there, and in his pursuit, finds a cell phone with a text message telling him to call…President Buck Buck Brawwwwwwk! I knew he was coming back, so seeing him wasn’t a shock, but that Saddam Hussein beard was. Hey, at least he doesn’t look like Nixon anymore.

There’s still one thing that troubles me: both Hoggett and Romano have admitted that they were complicit in the assassination of David Palmer, but neither has admitted or acknowledged that they had any reason to believe that Jack, who was set up for the hit, was actually alive when it took place (you’ll remember that he had been declared dead months before, in order for Jack to escape the clutches of the Chinese). The connection to President Logan may explain this, since he also tried to have Jack killed at the end of season four, only to discover that someone else had allegedly beaten him to the punch. Still, when last season started, Logan had no idea that Jack was still alive either, which means that either one of the still-living characters has information that they have yet to reveal or the show’s producers are secretly hoping that you have forgotten that that they have not properly explained this gaping plot hole.

The only explanation, given what information they have shared with us, is that Chloe is the mastermind behind Palmer’s assassination, since she is the only surviving person we’re aware of who knows who fabricated Jack’s death in the first place. Um, sure. No one orchestrates a plot to kill a former President of the United States in the hopes that they can pin it on a guy that may or may not already be dead. If Hoggett & Romano knew that Jack was still alive, then prove it. Now. We’re growing tired of sentences that begin with, “Don’t ask me how, but…,” like we heard tonight with the explanation about Gredenko extorting Farmer Hoggett. That’s code for “Hey, it’s your cousin Basil Exposition! Just go along with whatever he tells you.” Sorry, not gonna do it. Wouldn’t be prudent at this juncture.

Box Office Roundup: Nicolas Cage’s soul fetches $11 more than Eddie Murphy’s

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Ghost Rider: $44.5 million (owner: Will Harris, What’s All This, Then?)
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the steal of the first round. Taken with the ninth pick of the draft (two spots after this week’s fifth place finisher), Nicolas Cage shows that his ham still has some legs. Wow, was that a bad joke. Oh well, the movie didn’t deserve a better one.
2) Bridge to Terabithia: $22.1 million (Bill Clark, Norbit Will Tank)
Disney didn’t even screen this one for critics (well, they screened it for Cincinnati, but Columbus was skipped), and they still took home a very handsome sum of money. The news surely bodes well for Nights and Weekends, who took “Meet the Robinsons” with the first pick overall.
3) Norbit: $16.8 million, $58.8 million to date (owner: David Medsker, Republicans for Voldemort)
A 51% drop-off from last week, meaning that every other person who saw this movie on opening weekend told someone they should see it. Hey, check out the oceans! Are they turning red?
4) Music & Lyrics: $14 million, $19.5 million to date (Mark Pfeiffer, Reel Times)
Gosh, are the ‘80s over…again?
5) Tyler Perry’s Daddy’s Little Girls: $12.1 million, $17.8 million to date (Kevin Carr, But I Liked Lady in the Water)
No fat suit, no cash cow.
6) Breach: $10.3 million (Deb Medsker, Punch and Pie Pictures)
Hey, Chris Cooper’s back! What do you mean, who?
7) Hannibal Rising: $5.4 million, $22.1 million to date (owner: Kristin Dreyer Kramer, Nights and Weekends)
To give you some perspective on just how spectacular a fall this is for the “Hannibal” franchise, the 2001 sequel “Hannibal” made $58 million its opening weekend. This “Hannibal” won’t come within sniffing distance of that in its entire run. In other news, sales of Chianti have plummeted.

This week: Another super-crowded weekend, led by Jim Carrey’s the-numbers-are-evil thriller “The Number 23,” Billy Bob Thornton’s “The Astronaut Farmer,” “Reno 911!: Miami” and “Amazing Grace, which we couldn’t tell you a thing about.

24, Hour 8: I love you…I’ll kill you

Previously, on the “24” blog:

In truth, Daddy Bauer’s plan is quite ingenious, if dastardly. He has lowered the guard of his do-gooder son, silenced the only person who could sell him out, and set up his son’s death so that Dr. Romano’s wife and “child” will hold Jack responsible, since the cause of death will surely be a fatal seizure due to excessive torture. Jack will feel as though he has betrayed his family, which will make him even more vulnerable to Daddy’s evil machinations.

Boom shacka lacka lacka lacka. Boom shacka lacka lacka lacka. Boom.

Okay, so Heidi Petrelli’s reaction was not as indignant as I was expecting, but then again, Grae’s son (who, from this point on, will be known as Jack Jack) didn’t even cry. His father’s dead! What teenager isn’t going to be crushed by news like that, even if you suspected he was a bad guy?

The show actually got back to its roots in the first hour with a little “Hostel”-style torture. Eurotrash Arms Dealer was the victim of some big time passive-aggressive behavior on the part of his companion, who popped him once she knew where she would be dropping off Morris. If I didn’t know any better, I would swear that for a split second, her eyes actually had dollar signs in them. I deleted the episode out of my DVR before I could confirm it. The second she walks in with Morris, however, she realizes the mistake of trying to bluff a bunch of Islamic fucking terrorists. If Kevin Spacey had been in this episode, he would have cut a pound of flesh from her body, just to underscore what deadly sin ultimately did her in.

So back to the torture: Morris, who’s not trained in the torture-withstanding arts, runs afoul of some of Fayed’s free swingers, as it were, and then gets drilled, literally. Jack gives him hell for caving in, but isn’t that just Jack shifting the blame? If his guys were better at their job, Fayed wouldn’t keep getting away, damn it. Back at CTU, Chloe proves to be no more sympathetic than Jack, slapping Morris when he refuses to get back to work mere minutes after getting tortured with a drill. Coworkers suck.

As for the rest of the episode, one absolutely fantastic thing happened, and one utterly ridiculous thing happened. On the fantastic end, the former Mr. Hilary Swank appears to be involved in a plot to kill President Palmer, and recruits the Biscuit to assist him in helping Senator Roark and his “kill ‘em all” policy to ascend to the throne. Now, I don’t want to see yet another President Palmer assassinated, but give credit where credit is due: this is the ballsiest plot thread that the writers of “24” have floated out there yet. The Biscuit, of course, is toast, pardon the repeated bread product references. Whoever’s orchestrating this – possibly Daddy Bauer’s company? – is smart enough to cover their own tracks and set up the most obvious person for the fall. That person is the Biscuit. The second he gives up Palmer’s itinerary, he’s done for. He’s going to wish he had brought a tape recorder with him when Mr. Swank sells him down the river.

And now for something completely different, which is to say, insane: CTU allowing Daddy Dearest (hey, I think we just found his nickname) to take Jack Jack out of custody so he is in a better position to coerce Heidi Petrelli into setting Jack up to be ambushed. And with that, let’s play “Really!?!,” with Amy Poehler and Seth Meyers. (For the uninitiated, go here right this second.) Really, CTU is going to allow Daddy Dearest to take Jack Jack back to the home that is not far from where a nuclear weapon detonated. Really. The man owns a company that was responsible for the decommission of the nukes that are currently in play, but you’re not going to keep him in custody. Really. And lastly, that company is run by a man who confessed in front of several other CTU agents that he authorized the assassination of President David Palmer, and that he has tried repeatedly to have Jack killed. And you’re not going to interrogate him? Really?! You don’t think he might have some valuable information? Really!?! Ye gods.

Killing President Palmer, again: bad karma, but good, good TV. CTU’s blind eye to Daddy Dearest and his sinister company: just bad. Man, how messed up is it that we’re actually rooting for the president to get whacked just so we get some good television?

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