Was it just me, or did the conclusion of tonight’s “True Blood” season finale feel somehow…anticlimactic? After spending the majority of the season waiting for the grand conclusion of the great and powerful Maryann’s storyline, only to have those matters wrapped up by the time the episode reached its halfway point, I felt a little cheated. Not that it necessarily needed to be dragged out any longer than it already had been, but, still, it felt like things ended not with a bang but a whisper, which is exactly what we haven’t come to expect from this series.
After Sookie was forced by Lafayette to slip into a bridesmaid dress but before all Hell broke loose, we found out from Maryann that Sookie is “beyond human,” though we didn’t make any particular headway in discovering what that actually means. Sookie did, however, finally break down and ask the question that the majority of the viewers had been wondering since last week: “Okay, what is with the egg? Did you lay it?” Nope, it’s an ostrich egg, and it represents fertility. Fair enough.
Jason and Andy once again scored a couple of classic comedic moments, with the best being Jason’s recitation of great movie quotes, concluding with, “I love the smell of nail polish in the morning.” I was surprised, however, to see both of them quickly slip over to the dark side. (I really thought that Andy was immune to Maryann’s powers, and that we were going to find out this week why he hadn’t ended up as one of her minions.)
As for Maryann’s marriage ceremony, I dug the off-kilter wedding march, but the nuptials themselves were a letdown. After Sam and Bill had their discussion at Merlotte’s, we knew that Bill wouldn’t just give Sam over to Maryann, so it was obvious that the two of them had concocted a plan of some sort. I admit to being surprised that Sam was actually stabbed…I didn’t know what their plan was, but I figured it would kick off before the knife hit flesh…but when the ox (I guess that’s what it was) turned up, my immediate thought was, “Okay, I’m not sure how, but that’s got to be Sam.” And it was, thanks to Bill having provided him with enough vamp blood to kickstart his healing process. I question the expediency of the healing, but, hey, Maryann and her mole claws (that’s what they looked like to me, anyway) got their just desserts, and the actual moment of impact, as it were, looked good and probably earned a few cheers from various viewers. Too bad it happened at the 27-minute mark of the episode, leaving us with way too much time to wrap up loose ends and throw out a few new threads to linger ’til Season 3 kicks off.
But, okay, fair enough, let’s talk about what happened in the post-Maryann portion of the episode.
First and foremost, Detective Andy managed to get his old job back, with Sheriff Bud acknowledging, “You might have your faults, Andy, but at least you got pants on.” Even if Sam’s naked arse had wandered off into the darkness and never come back for that heartfelt discussion with Bill, it was already obvious that the relationship between them had changed, given Sam’s decision to put his trust and his life in Bill’s hands. I guess we can presume that their little talk, however, was the impetus for Bill’s engaging discussion with Sookie at episode’s end. And speaking of Sookie, Paquin’s delivery was perfectly emotional when she delivered the question, “Hold me for 40…?”
Hoyt and his mama weren’t exactly making any headway in their talks until Maryann bit the dust, but once Mama’s black eyes went bye-bye, the two of them finally had a heart to heart, at which point Hoyt finally realized that he’d been betting on the wrong horse for all these years. As such, he sent his mother packing, thereby freeing him up to reunite with Jessica…which worked out nicely, given that, soon afterward, Jessica found that Bill had come around and decided that it was okay for her to pursue her courtship with Hoyt. But, alas, they were like two ships in the night: Jessica got herself some action at a truck stop, leaving poor Hoyt standing alone on her doorstep, the poor bastard. I presume we’ll be seeing Jessica again come next season, but does Hoyt stand a chance at reconciliation with his undead beloved…?
And it’s back to another game of yahtzee with the Queen of the Vampires, but this time it’s Eric who’s in the hot seat. It wasn’t a terribly eventful segment, however, aside from Eric’s silence speaking a thousand words about his feelings for Sookie and the Queen’s threats to Eric that he’d better not find out that she’s supplying him with the vampire blood that he’s selling.
The chatter at Merlotte’s amongst the townsfolk as they tried to make sense of what happened to them without remembering the details was hilarious, with the random theories of aliens, pharmaceutical companies, and the liberal media being responsible, but Sam’s claim of bad hooch made me laugh just as hard. (Am I the only one who shuddered at the comment, “I’d wear him like a scrunchie”?) The majority of the conversations, however, tended toward the “happily ever after” variety: the kids are alright, the old team’s back together again, and Lafayette’s getting all philosophical with Sookie. The best discussion, however, was the one between Jason and Andy, in that it resulted in the the immortal hypothetical question that gives this blog entry its title. But who would’ve expected their story this season to end in such a dramatic fashion…?
Tara’s “sick feeling” that Maryann’s death didn’t actually mean that things were over was, of course, right, since when someone dares to say out loud that they think things might not be over, they never are. In the end, Maryann’s actions claimed one more victim: Eggs. As soon as Sookie admitted of her planned attempt to help Eggs break his mental block, “I can’t promise it will work,” I knew things would go poorly. Granted, Eggs’ death came at Jason’s hand (and given the way Eggs was waving his knife around Andy, there ain’t a single person in Bon Temps who would convict Jason for his actions), but it all came about as a result of what Maryann did to him. Andy took the blame, but I have to presume that, at some point during Season 3, the truth is going to come out…probably when Jason’s guilt becomes too much…and, when it does, Tara’s not going to be happy about it.
The only other two events that we haven’t yet discussed, then, are the ones which were designed to unabashedly bridge the gap between Season 2 and Season 3: Sam’s visit to his foster parents, a trip which sends him on a quest to find his real parents, and Sookie and Bill’s date, which kinda sorta results in their engagement but mostly just serves to give us a cliffhanger for the season. Unfortunately, it’s arguably the least satisfying cliffhanger of the year, since there’s absolutely no reason to think that Season 3 will kick off with the revelation that Bill’s dead.
Obviously, I’ll be back for Season 3, but when I return, I’ll probably still remember how disappointed I was with the way Season 2 ended. It wasn’t bad, but given how great the majority of the preceding episodes had been, it should’ve been a hell of a lot more gripping from start to finish than it actually was.