Month: December 2007 (Page 3 of 8)

With 8 days ’til Christmas, a publicist sent to me…

The Johnny Cash Christmas Specials for 1976 and 1977.

Me and Johnny Cash go back a long way. One of my earliest music-related memories is sitting in my dad’s Ford pick-up truck and listening to an 8-track of “Live at Folsom Prison,” a fact which does a pretty decent between-the-lines job of indicating how old I am; in fact, it was probably right around the same time when these Christmas specials originally aired, although I don’t have any recollection of having watched them at the time. But between my dad and my grandfather, I’m sure at least one of them was watching ’em.

Funny how much difference a year makes, though. The ’76 special is apparently filmed at Johnny Cash’s house, as he brings in friends and family to celebrate the holiday and play some music; there are plenty of members of the Carter family in attendance, but also making appearances are Barbara Mandrell, Roy Clark, Merle Travis, and…Tony Orlando? Yes, sir. And not only is Orlando there, but he’s spurred to perform his signature number only after Johnny gives him a wink and a nudge and says, “Hey, you know what kind of tree that is, don’t ya, Tony?” Moments later, a yellow ribbon suddenly appears around it – tied in a neat bow, of course – and serves as the cue to start the music. It’s goofy as hell to see Johnny, June, and Tony Orlando walking arm in arm, singing such a severely schmaltzy number as this one, but it still inspires a smile rather than a groan. When Roy Clark shows up, he teams with Cash and Orlando for a medley of…Stephen Foster songs? As Christmas specials go, this really isn’t very Christmasy at all, frankly; there’s a season-appropriate sermon of sorts from Rev. Billy Graham toward the end of the show, but if you just look at the songs, the ratio of 3 Christmas songs to sixteen non-Christmas songs. But, y’know, it’s Johnny Cash, and you can let the Man in Black slide once in awhile.

Tony Orlando and his good friend, Santa,
now appearing together at Harrah’s Casino.

The ’77 special, though, is a whole other ball park…so much so, in fact, that one wonders if people kept asking Cash, “Johnny, how come you done you a Christmas special and didn’t hardly sing no Christmas songs?” This time around, it’s almost entirely about the holiday music, including Johnny and the Statler Brothers on “Blue Christmas,” a return visit from Roy Clark to help Johnny with “Here Comes Santa Claus” and “Frosty the Snow Man,” Jerry Lee Lewis’s piano-pumping take on “White Christmas,” and all-star versions of “Silent Night” and “Hark! The Herald Angels Sing.” It’s practically a Sun Records reunion, with Cash joined not only by Jerry Lee but also Carl Perkins and Roy Orbison. The middle of the special features each of them doing one of their signature numbers – Cash’s “Big River,” Orbison’s “Pretty Woman,” Perkins’ “Blue Suede Shoes,” and Jerry Lee’s “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On” – and they all team up to pay tribute to their recently-deceased colleague, Elvis Presley, on a version of “This Train Is Bound For Glory.”

The grand finale of the show is a version of “Children Go Where I Send Thee,” where everybody – yes, everybody – takes a lead vocal at one point or another. The entire audience, from the floor seats all the way up to the balcony, is on its feet by the time it’s all over, and you’re liable to be as well. It’s really interesting to see how unabashedly religious Cash’s specials were, even if it’s sad to realize how little of that we see on TV anyone; everyone’s so damned afraid of offending someone else’s beliefs that it feels like we’re not even allowed to demonstrate our own.

Merry Christmas, Johnny. We still miss you down here, but you be sure to give our best to the big man, wouldja?

With 9 days ’til Christmas, a publicist sent to me…

Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause.

As much as it pains me to say this, honesty requires that I must: “Santa Clause 3” wasn’t as God-awful bad as I thought it was going to be…or, more specifically, it wasn’t as bad as the God-awful trailer for the film would’ve had me believe.

I mean, man, when I first saw that thing, my reactions were as follows:

* “The first film was legitimately enjoyable, the second one had its moments, but the funniest joke here appears to be the one in the title. The trailer is 100% laugh-free. David Krumholtz – formerly known as Bernard the Elf – should be sending his agent a solid gold Mercedes this Christmas for getting him ‘Numb3rs’ and keeping him far, far away from this picture.”

* “As Santa is my witness, the only highlights are the clips from the first two films. It’s really that unfunny. Example: a kid tells Jack Frost to ‘just chill,’and he howls, ‘I invented chill!’ Ughhhhhh.”

“Awful awful awful. Count on a solid opening weekend, but, God willing, word of mouth on the playground will kill the flick quickly after that. Even the under-10 set should have better taste than to accept this.”

And y’know what? I meant it. All of it. Every word. It was just that damned bad.

Having now subjected myself to a viewing of the film, however, I walked away from the experience far less horrified than I ever would’ve expected. Yes, there’s plenty of cheesy kid stuff in the flick, and if the inclusion of reindeer fart jokes isn’t enough to send most people with a modicum of taste running for the exits (or, in this case, the “eject” button on their DVD player), Martin Short’s hammy performance as Jack Frost will probably do the trick. If you can make it to the halfway point of the film, though, it falls back on the old “It’s A Wonderful Life” bit of seeing what the world would’ve been like if Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) had never put on the Santa suit but Jack Frost had instead. It’s a hackneyed Christmas plot device, but as a sci-fi geek who always enjoys a good alternate-universe tale, I still enjoyed it; it was also entertaining to watch Scott figure out how to get his old life back. Even Short earned a laugh when, after Jack’s plans have been foiled, he just kind of blinks and says, “Well, that didn’t work out like I’d hoped.” The best part of the film, though, was the surprise of finding Alan Arkin and Ann-Margret as Scott’s in-laws; I’m sure I’d known at some point that they were in the cast, but I’d totally forgotten it until they appeared on the screen. As ever, Arkin scores laughs, and Ann-Margret…well, she coasts by just by being herself.

I’m still of the opinion that only the first “Santa Clause” film is a must-see, but if my kid wants me to put this in at some future juncture, I probably won’t twitch…much.

You thought clown dolls were frightening?

Clearly, the Carol Channing ventriloquist doll – which my wife accidentally stumbled upon while doing some online Christmas shopping – exists on a whole other level of fright entirely.

I’d love to have been in on the sales meetings which led to this particular item being green-lighted as a J.C. Penney’s exclusive. I like to think it took place in a board room filled with cigar smoke, and that someone referred to Ms. Channing as “an alright dame,” but for as much thought as I’ve put into this, I still can’t work out the logistics of how it got to the point where someone said, “So it’s decided, then: the world needs a ventriloquist’s doll that looks like Carol Channing, and J.C. Penney needs, nay, deserves the exclusive sales rights!” At first, I thought maybe it had something to do with the licensing issues which forced them to scrap the Liza Minnelli model, but then I got stuck wondering when the words “Carol Channing” and “ventriloquism” became synonymous.

Ah, it’s probably best that neither of us dwell on it, so let’s just sit back, watch this video of the doll in action, and then drop back by tomorrow to leave a comment about what kind of nightmares resulted.

With 10 days ’til Christmas, a publicist sent to me…

A Flintstones Christmas Carol.

Man, I used to love me some “Flintstones” when I was a kid. Jenn and I were sitting on the couch this morning, watching this with our 2-year-old daughter, Ally, and once again, it came flooding back to me how many of the original episodes I must’ve sat through during my childhood. Every time I catch an episode on Boomerang, I’m invariably washed over by a wave of memories I didn’t realize; whether they’d schedule it early in the morning or immediately after I got out of school, I’d always camp in front of the TV and absorb every moment of “The Flintstones.” Yes, even the Great Gazoo years. (Dude, seriously, I fucking loved Gazoo. I don’t know why he gets hassled so much.)

Unfortunately, “A Flintstones Christmas Carol” isn’t from the show’s glory years; it was a 1994 TV movie, and, well, if you’ve ever caught any of the more recent Flintstones material, you know that things have been going steadily downhill since the original series. But, really, this is just a weird film all around, mostly because a surprising chunk of it stays steadfast and true to the original Charles Dickens story. The premise involves Fred playing the part of Ebeneezer Scrooge in a Bedrock production of “A Christmas Carol,” but his ego gets the best of him, and it gets to the point where his head’s so swelled that it barely fits through his dressing room door. Inevitably, it becomes a case of life imitating art, Fred realizes the error of his ways, and it’s just as happy an ending as you’d expect.

Unfortunately, Ally started getting antsy right around the point when Jacob Marbley (yes, you read that right) comes to visit Scrooge…and I couldn’t blame her, because it was deadly dull and barely anything like a “Flintstones” episode. So I started scrambling to figure out how to remedy the situation, when what to my wondering eyes should appear but the words “Bonus Episode” on the DVD box. And, bam, it was off to watch “Christmas Flintstone,” the episode from the original series where Fred takes a part-time job as a department store Santa, only to be drafted to replace the REAL Santa, who’s been waylayed by illness. Oh, it was great stuff…and Ally, bless her, was enthralled by it, snuggled up to her mama, watching every moment of it and, at the end, asking for “‘nother one.”

So, clearly, I’m not going to recommend “A Flintstones Christmas Carol” in and of itself, but if you find it for an inexpensive price, it’s worth picking up for that bonus episode. I might never watch the film again, but I’ll be breaking out “Christmas Flintstone” every year for the long haul.

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