Year: 2006 (Page 54 of 228)

Jessica Simpson launches new Hooters chain

daisy
“May I drop my pen for you?”

Well, okay: Technically, Simpson’s new line of restaurants featuring voluptuous, scantily clad waitresses who drop stuff a lot will be called “Daisy Duke’s,” named after Simpson’s voluptuous, scantily clad character in the recent Dukes of Hazzard film. Hot pants will be required attire for all staff except, presumably, big ol’ Chef Cooter and the rest of the kitchen crew.

Just like nearly every other major decision in Jessica’s life (when to lose her virginity; when to divorce her husband; whether to wear the low-cut dress or the really low-cut dress…), the restaurant plan is the brainchild of Jessica’s father/manager, Joe Simpson.

Both Simpson sisters and their manipulative, leering father were recently chastised by Christian minister Bob Harrington for using sex to sell their music and other products — a criticism this latest move seems unlikely to address:

Harrington fumed: “Their father has replaced his faith in the Lord with the love of money, which is the root of all evil. He has replaced holiness with horniness.

“Jessica and Ashlee will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell.”

And, we hope, some tasty chicken wings.

Cola Wars

Back in the ’80s, the great corporations known as Coca-Cola and Pepsi were waging all out war on each other on the TV through various commercials. It was a simpler time, when the Cold War was still jacked up and we were all just saying No to illicit substances while saying yes to Big Mac Attacks. In the spirit of looking back to those good old days, here are a few cola war battles for your consideration. Was Pepsi truly better at the time simply because Coke fumbled with their new formula? It’s hard to say. But how about a can of 7UP Gold?

Max Headroom vs. Michael Jackson The King of AI Max Headroom instructs us to “Catch The Wave” while Michael Jackson tells us “You’re the Pepsi Generation” and that we should “feel the Pepsi way.” Unfortunately for Max, he was touting the New Coke. Frankly, I recall not hating New Coke at all. Is there any for sale on eBay that I could enjoy once again?

“Coke Is It!” vs. “Pepsi. The Choice of a New Generation.” Before the great New Coke debacle, Coca-Cola was riding high with their energetic and cheeseball “Coke Is It!” promotion. This damn jingle still runs through my head on occasion. On the other hand, we have Michael J. Fox, also riding high at the time, in a library with no change for the Pepsi machine. But then, a little magic happens with that Xerox machine. Look out! It’s interesting to note how Pepsi was really trying to click with those crazy kids again and all their “New Generation” hype. Nowadays it’s all about Red Bull, AMP, and Full Throttle, baby!

“Just for the Taste of It” vs. “Burger King” While Coke was beating the hell out of everyone with their “Just for the Taste of It!” Diet Coke ads, Burger King wanted you to know that they had recently aligned with Pepsi. Take that, Coke! And who better to share this great news than Andrew McCarthy and Elisabeth Shue all dressed up in Pepsi and BK attire? Man, I miss those BK uniforms!

Box Office Roundup: “People don’t mature anymore. They stay jackasses all their lives.”

Props to “She’s Having a Baby” for the quote.

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Jackass: Number Two: $28.1 million (first week)
Six inches away from being Steve-O’s snuff film.
2) Jet Li’s Fearless: $10.6 million (first week)
Say hello and wave goodbye to Jet Li, everyone.
3) Gridiron Gang: $9.6 million ($27.2 million, second week)
We just don’t care about this one enough to waste the energy on coming up with a good zinger.
4) Flyboys: $6.0 million (first week)
And now we know exactly what kind of clout the phrase “From the producer of ‘Independence Day’ and ‘The Patriot’ holds: none.
5) Everyone’s Hero: $4.8 million ($11.6 million, second week)
Brilliant, put out a baseball movie when 90% of the teams are eliminated from the post-season.

Most Unintentionally Funny Headline of the Week: Last week, after “Gridiron Gang” took the top spot at the box office, Sony Pictures sent out a note saying that they have racked up ten #1 openings in 2006, more than any studio in history. The funny part comes in looking at the list of the other nine movies.

The Da Vinci Code
Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby
The Pink Panther
RV
Silent Hill
Click
The Covenant
Underworld: Evolution
When a Stranger Calls

That’s about the shittiest list of #1 movies you could ever hope to assemble one or two excepted. Congrats, Sony. You make crap movies. And congrats, moviegoing public, for making those movies hits and encouraging Sony to make more of them. We’re doomed.

False! I don’t miss him at all.

The season opens as Dwight clips his fingernails at his desk (disgusting) and blows them onto the adjacent desk (even more disgusting). But it turns out to be Ryan’s desk, not Jim’s. After Pam rejected him, Jim left to take a promotion at another branch. The opening shot was classic. “The Office” doesn’t just tell you Jim is gone, they tell you via Dwight’s fingernail clippings (and Ryan’s 10-year reunion) that he’s gone.

So Jim is gone…and Pam is single.

That’s right. Indecisive Pam actually decided not to marry the neanderthalish Roy after all. They still see each other at lunchtime when Roy brings up a plate of fish and a plate of chicken. After a sigh, Pam chooses the chicken. She called off the wedding, but they still had to pay the caterer, so the former couple decided to freeze the food and eat it for lunch over the next five weeks.

Man, I love Pam.

Roy is upset about the breakup and hit a low point when he got a DUI – how great was that mug shot? He is bound and determined to win Pam back, and seems genuinely upset about losing her.

He won’t have a chance if/when Jim finds out, but it’s not clear if Jim knows about Pam’s decision. I’m guessing by his actions he doesn’t, but how could he not?

Dwight’s interview to close the opening bit was priceless. He wails and screams that he misses Jim and then says, “False! I dont’ miss him at all.”

I also loved the interview with the brunette from the other office, who said that Jim seems all right, but he’s always looking at the camera and shrugging.

It’s good to see Steve Carrell throw Ed Helms some work. He played the guy that calls Jim “Big Tuna.” Helms and Carrell worked on “The Daily Show” together.

The rest of the episode was dedicated to Oscar’s undesired outing at work. Michael was over the top for most of the episode, and I hope they don’t lean on that too much this season. Michael is at his funniest when he’s subtlety offensive – his comments about Phyllis’ engagement were hilarious. “Congratulations. That’s great…and pretty unbelievable.” There were a few good moments in the conference room where Pam looked to Ryan to share a laugh at something Michael said or did, but he just didn’t get the joke. It’s clear she misses Jim, but what is she going to do about it?

And how would a Jim/Pam relationship affect the show? In the past, that kind of leap has caused many a show to jump the shark. My guess is that they’ll get the band back together within a few episodes, but they’ll drag the Jim/Pam thing out a while.

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