Year: 2006 (Page 205 of 228)

“24,” Hour 7: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. So why aren’t they searching the women for weapons, exactly?

Any frequent viewer of “24” that didn’t see the ending to this week’s episode coming down Broadway needs to pull the plug, because they, to quote lost comedian Jeff Marder, are just taking up space. The second I saw Nubile Russian Girl (her name doesn’t show up on IMDb, nor does the “24” home page give it up) “dressed,” I knew that she was bad news. Buffybot made a reference to everything turning out fine, and I said, I shit you not, “Well, until she kills her captor, anyway.” I didn’t actually say ‘her captor,’ I said his character’s name, but I have since forgotten his character’s name, and his name isn’t showing up on IMDb either. Thankfully Buffybot, being the smart one of the two of us, remembered him from “Alias,” and in a quick search, I discovered that his real name is Patrick Bauchau.

Still, the signs were there for all to see. The episode was wrapping up, and they were thisclose to nabbing the terrorists with the only connection they had. Of COURSE she was going to shoot and kill Patrick Bauchau. And sure enough, she did. Not a bad shot for a 15-year-old who likely never handled a firearm in her life. Still, we’ve seen too many episodes end like this, and it’s starting to get, as you can see, predictable. I’m not saying they must stop doing such things, but how about shaking things up a little bit at the top of the hour? Samwise Gamgee’s mugging, now that was a pleasant surprise, especially since he gave a sweetheart deal to a super bad guy in order to get off the phone and meet his sister in “need.” Now, I will say that the mugging is a surprise, but the whole supervisor-with-a-liability angle isn’t. Buchanan had Dessler, Erin Driscoll had her crazy/suicidal daughter, and Jack had, well, Kim. Man, what I wouldn’t give for Ryan Chappelle to be back in charge again. Pity he’s dead.

Also, in the You’ve Got To Be Freaking Kidding Me department, if a guy with an eastern European accent walks into my shop, and asks me if I can make precision cuts on a whole bunch of mysterious canisters, I would probably call Buffybot and tell her that I love her very much, but I am not coming come from work today or any other day. Still, our lovable lunk of a cutter does what he’s told, because Mr. Yellow Tie (now known as Ivan Erwich, until I give him a new nickname) gives him “his word” that he will let him go. Of course, cutter dude winds up dead. Even if I couldn’t make the call to Buffybot, it would be hard to die without saying goodbye, but how good is the word of a man who instantly pulls out a gun in an attempt to coerce you into cutting open containers of nerve gas? Nope, the dude is up to no good if he’s looking for the kindness of strangers. Take one for your country, and die with dignity. He obviously needs your skills more than he’d cared to admit, if he’s pulling out his gun in the first five seconds.

Kim Bauer’s name pops up on the episode breakdown for this week, but she shows up in name only, thus lending credence to my whole bear trap/hostage situation theory. But even more puzzling than that is the “suicide” of Walt Cummings. Mighty convenient for Novick to suggest hiding the whole Cummings thing under the rug from the public for the time being, and then to be the one who produces Cummings’ corpse to the president, right outside the president’s office. Novick has always been a standup guy, but it would be interesting to see a darker side to him appear, if for no other reason than to have him killed a few episodes from now. Yep, I’m all about the killing. It just makes for better television, is all. Nothing personal against Jack, or Mike, or Kim, or Audrey, or any of the others. It’s just that TV shows show much more respect for their audiences when they treat all of their characters equally, and show a willingness to whack someone that is seemingly off limits.

I secretly hoped that Jack would be killed in the season premiere. That obviously didn’t happen, and now I’m starting to wonder if that was because President Buck Buck Brawwwwwk didn’t get a chance to sell Bauer’s ass to the Chinese first. For every second that Jack spends in the open, the greater the risk he takes of the Chinese knowing that he faked his death, which will wind up in Bauer getting water torture until his dying days. That, obviously, is a risk that President Chicken Little is willing to take. Make a will, Jack, and soon.

Bullz-Eye.com’s TV Power Rankings

Six months doesn’t seem like a long period of time, but man, what a difference it makes in the life of a television show. Where some shows gloriously rode off into the sunset (“Six Feet Under”), and others suddenly and mysteriously vanished from our TV screens (“Chappelle’s Show”), still others simply eroded from within (“Desperate Housewives”), making room for a whole new bunch of upstarts that sport everything from TV’s greatest mustache to full frontal nudity, appointment viewing if ever there was such a thing.

And so, we snuck away from our TiVos just long enough to assemble an updated list of our favorite shows. Six newbies found their way into our latest TV Power Rankings, led by NBC’s Thursday-night tandem of “The Office” and “My Name Is Earl.” Meanwhile, HBO once again litters our rankings despite the loss of staff favorite “Six Feet Under,” but it’s Jack Bauer who once again reigns supreme.

Here’s a glimpse of the top three:

1. 24 – We see dead people, and it’s a beautiful thing. We’ll be the first to admit that last season’s finale was not the show’s finest, um, hour, but they sure as hell made up for it in the first four hours of this season. Both David Palmer and Michelle Dessler where whacked within seconds of each other, and while you can argue that Dessler was disposable, the killing of Palmer, the most likable character on the show, was ballsy. The stakes seem to have been raised all around this season, with none of the former seasons’ bait-and-switch plot devices in sight. President Buck Buck Brawwwwwwk Logan is turning into an interesting foil for all concerned. He seems to want to do the right thing, but as Walt the Weasel has shown, Logan can be very easily seduced into doing evil deeds, so long as he comes out looking good in the eyes of the public.

Of course, it looks as though Kim Bauer (the fetching Elisha Cuthbert) is returning just long enough to get stuck in a bear trap while being held hostage in a Kwik-E-Mart, but here’s hoping that the producers have better plans for her this time around…like having her killed. You think Jack has suffered enough? Take away his daughter too, and see how mental he goes. Now that would make a great show even better.

2. The Office – I’ll be the first one to admit that I wasn’t very keen on the idea of NBC remaking the classic BBC series “The Office,” and even more so after an average first season run of only six episodes. Things can change quite rapidly, however, and it hasn’t taken very long for the comedy series to climb to the top of the television rankings, or to get shuffled into the coveted Must See Thursday night spot. This is a direct reflection of the show’s brilliant writing team, who have managed to create a unique show they can call their own, and the amazing ensemble cast, without whom the series would not have survived.

Taking place in a small Philadelphia-based paper company, “The Office” is very much a show about the day-to-day grievances that make working in an office comparable to living underneath Satan’s armpit. The office manager, Michael Scott (Steve Carell), is obsessed with everyone being his friend, while Assistant to the Regional Manager Dwight Schrute (Rainn Wilson) is the strangest person you’ll ever meet. These two characters alone are enough reason to watch this show, but perhaps the most intriguing element of the series is the secret office crush between nice guy Jim (John Krasinksi) and girl-next-door secretary Pam (Jenna Fischer), a relationship that the BBC series played out perfectly, and one that the NBC version will no doubt do as well. And while the rest of the characters that make up “The Office” aren’t exactly pertinent to the main story at hand, they’re the funniest group of nobodies on television today.

3. Scrubs – The fall TV season officially began in September, but when “Scrubs” wasn’t on NBC’s upcoming schedule, many thought that the series had gotten the axe. Was the show’s less-than-impressive ratings finally proving too depressing for the network, or had Zach Braff’s instant film success gone to his head? Neither, actually. In fact, the show was very much alive and in production, and by January, “Scrubs” returned in full form. After last season left many fans dreading Elliot’s (Sarah Chalke) decision to leave Sacred Heart for a fellowship at another hospital, it took only two episodes before it was clear that she would return, and return she did. Meanwhile, J.D. (Braff) continues his reign as one of television’s funniest characters, a title that would be impossible to hold if it wasn’t for Braff’s complete disregard for making a fool of himself.

In just one short month on the air, the series has delivered more classic cutaways (including ninja surgeons), hilarious guest stars (like Jason Bateman), and a hundredth episode that was perhaps the best of the entire series, a “Wizard of Oz”-themed half-hour who’s multi-layered jokes required multiple viewings. Oh, and Mandy Moore (Braff’s real life girlfriend) is set to guest star as J.D.’s girlfriend in upcoming episodes; we saw what Moore did for a little show called “Entourage” last season. “Scrubs” is still one of the funniest comedies on television, and while it may not get the same love as other NBC shows (see above), its loyal fan base remains.

Click here for the rest of the Winter 2006 edition.

Box Office Roundup: Quoth Otter, “Geeeee, you’re dumb.”

Based on Sunday’s estimates:

1) When a Stranger Calls: $22 million (first week)
The “action” takes in a house with motion sensor-triggered lights, and a cat. Any questions?
2) Big Momma’s House 2: $13.35 million ($45.4 million, second week)
They didn’t screen this to critics, and we were thrilled to have the night off. Still, couldn’t they have come up with something other than “BMH2”? How about “Big Momma’s Summer House”? “Big Momma’s Other House”? But hey, why put any more effort into the title than you put into the movie?
3) Nanny McPhee: $9.9 million ($26.6 million, third week)
Our friend at Fromthebalcony.com insists that this is the best movie he’s seen all year. We’re sure he’s right, but still, we are sooooo glad we slept in that morning.
4) Brokeback Mountain: $5.6 million ($59.7 million, ninth week)
We have it on a good source that if you type “brokeback to the future” into Google, you’ll see the best, parody, ever. (We tried checking it out, but the servers were bogged down.)
5) Hoodwinked: $5.3 million ($44 million, eighth week)
Annapolis,” we hardly knew ye. We miss ye even less.

Not sure this is applicable…

Though I think it’s by far the worst of the three men’s magazines (aimed at younger readers – Maxim and FHM being the other two), Stuff really hit a home run with this month’s phenomenal cover shot of “Dancing With The Stars” Stacy Keibler.

I may have to start watching the show.

I’ll take a Doubleshot and…The Gumball Rally

Hey? Where’s the best place to buy DVDs? Well, for those of you who like your coffee made to order, Starbucks wills soon be a DVD retailer. Yes, after offering exclusive music CDs and starting up their own label, the coffee chain is going to start cranking out the video as well. Can you dig it? Can we all assume that the DVDs will be as expensive as their coffee? Oh, who am I kidding? Gimme a Doubleshot and a frozen vanilla creme beverage now!

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