Are you as tired of these “American Idol” auditions as I am? Seven cities, thousands of awful singers, a few good ones, and way way too much of Ryan Seacrest. Thankfully, last night’s Boston auditions were the final preliminaries before moving the party to Hollywood tonight.
Last night’s gems (that they showed anyway) included two basketball playing chicks. One is such a good athlete that she was awarded a scholarship to play at Boston College…..and she could sing too. Don’t you hate it when people have that much talent? Another basketball player moved on as her twin sister coached and cheered her on from the “sidelines”….the twin had ruptured a vocal cord and could not compete.
A chick with a mop on top of her head sang pretty good and kissed Randy Jackson’s ass enough to get through to the next round, despite Simon saying she looked like a “pet poodle.” Another kid that barely got through was 16 year old Kevin, a dorky looking dude who sang a lispy version of a Josh Groban song.
The ones that sucked were indeed the ratings grabbers again….it started with James, an Eminem clone who (get this) could not even pronounce the word “melodic.” Do some of these people go to school in someone’s bunghole? There was this chick immigrant who brought her vocal coach and claimed to be the “whole package”….always a red flag. She proceeded to begin a striptease while singing, errr, cracking her way through two songs. She was easily one of the worst singers any of us have ever heard.
This one chick sang Loverboy’s “Working For the Weekend” opera style. Enough said about that.
Another sang her own version of “M-I-C-K-E-Y”…..are you kidding me?
It only got worse though…..this dude named Kenneth sang Cher’s “Believe” and it was wrong on so many levels. For one, he took himself seriously and thought he was going to be the next Idol. Two, he sucked. Thirdly, he was a dude singing Cher and also admitted to singing Judy Garland songs. He then lashed back at Simon when Simon told him he should wear a dress and be a female impersonator. I mean, what did this jackass expect? Dude, you are not a dude in the sense of the word “dude”…live with it.
The final contestant they showed was a Clay Aiken look-alike who was annoying right from the start….he really couldn’t sing well, and then claimed it was because he had to pee. So they let the poor sap take a leak (cameras following him) and then he came back to sing one bar before Simon declared “ok, thank you.”
After a look back at the highlights and lowlights of the past seven episodes, the producers teased us with some of the Hollywood action that starts tonight. I’m just thankful that from here on out, the competition should heat up, as well as the love/hate relationship between all the judges. Oh, and of course more of that annoying Seacrest dude.
Readers, welcome to Hollywood.
