Does it seem creepy that one of the great fat men in baseball died on the same day as one of the great fat men in “24”? Seriously, to quote Alicia Silverstone in “Clueless,” I am totally bugging.
Some observations from last week:
“Agent Pierce assures (Marty Logan) that everything’s fine, but you can bet your sweet bippy that moment of unguarded terror did not escape her Russian ‘friends.’”
Bingo. From the second they get off the helicopter, the Suvarovs are jittery and pissed off, and rightfully so: they know that Marty knew about the attack, and waste no time confronting President Buck Buck Brawwwwwk about it. Somehow, someway, Chicken Little placates President Suvarov long enough to get some good intel from him on Russian hostiles, getting the Warlock’s name but not his last known location. But it’s only a matter of time before President Suvarov procures transportation of his own, gets the hell out of the U.S., and sets a trap for Logan, which he will never see coming, of course, because he’s a blooming nitwit.
And does anyone else really think that this whole hand-holding thing is fucking ridiculous? Are we really supposed to think that Novick actually thinks Marty’s having a fling with Old Yeller? Novick has worked with Old Yeller way too long to know that he would never do such a thing. But then again, maybe this is part of Evil Novick’s plan to Take Over The World. (You must know, I can’t even say that with a straight face.) Well, unless Vice President Leland Palmer (man, talk about what one movie, in this case “Good Night and Good Luck,” can do for your exposure) actually talks the president into invoking martial freaking law. And knowing the president’s tendency to go along with anyone stronger than he is – and let’s not mince words, that’s everyone – I guess you poor SoCal bastards are working for the clampdown.
Another comment I made last week:
“My question is: where is that canister of gas released? They imply that it’s in CTU, but this is Fox, people. When they would advertise “Melrose Place,” they’d say, “One of these characters will die,” when what they meant was, “One of these characters will dye…their hair another color.” You can never, ever take their sneak previews at face value.”
Whoops. For once, Fox actually followed through on their bluff, and while the clip they showed was for the gas leak that was contained (the hospital at the end of Hour 11), they still found a way to gas CTU…
…and kill Edgar. My God, that was hard to watch. Even Chloe revealed some genuine human emotion behind that robotic mask of reflective sarcasm she wears day and night. In fact, that was probably the most moving part of the scene, seeing Chloe finally come to terms with her emotions and actually feeling something. I’m reminded of the Shakespearean quote: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. In other words, don’t be surprised if Chloe pulls the trigger on the last bad man standing.
And on that note, let me introduce the two single greatest moments in this two-hour episode.
1) Jack Bauer shooting JoBeth Williams in the leg in order to get Robocop to talk. That was awesome television, right there. All this time, Robocop has professed his innocence, and when the welfare of his wife is on the line, he still won’t talk. Surely, he knows at that point that he has effectively burned every bridge that ever existed in his sorry-ass life. And he still won’t talk. That’s how scared Robocop was of talking. And that is why the last person he should be afraid of seeing when he gets out of CTU is not the Russians, but Lady Poltergeist. She literally took a bullet for him. I will be patiently waiting for her to administer some justice.
2) Killing Edgar. Fox would have had to suffer the PH Mafia had they killed Chloe, but killing Edgar, honestly, accomplishes the same goal without losing what little female cheesecake factor – and yes, I know how weird it sounds to call Chloe cheesecake, but men love her – they have left. We’re hurting, but we have some female eye candy. Still, Godspeed, Edgar. We loved you, and we’ll miss you. As Buffybot said when the episode ended, “Well, at least he’s with his mother now.” I had totally forgotten that.
Oh, and we haven’t gotten to the whole Kim Bauer/Ponyboy story. I don’t even know where to begin with this. Would Kim Bauer ever date someone the same age as Ponyboy in real life? He’s almost twice her age! No? Okay, let’s add an extra level of sleaze to the equation: he’s her shrink, and she’s living with him. Doesn’t that violate, oh, I don’t know, every rule that’s ever existed about psychiatry? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Messed, up. Sure, Kim’s had to deal with a lot, from bear traps to bad wigs to Kwik-E-Mart hostage negotiations and her father’s “death.” But really, isn’t she beneath bedding her shrink? Come on, she’s Jack Bauer’s daughter. Surely, she’s made of much more than that. Well, again, the teaser for next week suggests that one of the CTU survivors will make the “ultimate sacrifice,” which to me points to Ponyboy. Come on, are we supposed to believe that he was going to have a long life on”24”? Haaaaaa ha!
