You can tell from the resignation in his eyes that poor Mr. Macy would rather shove his arm into a woodchipper than have this photo taken with D-list actress and notoriously off-key singer Bai Ling…and yet, he does the polite thing, and smiles somewhat convincingly:

Here’s Go Fug Yourself’s hilarious transcription of what each person in this picture is thinking:

WILLIAM H MACY: Save me. Someone save me.

BAI LING: I am soooooo comfortable here with William H Macy. I feel so safe. I feel so in love. I feel like I am wrapped in a giant ball of safe love. Love safe. Sove! Lafe!

WILLIAM H MACY: I fear I am about to start laughing inappropriately. The way you do at a funeral. Who wears a bikini top with a matching skirt, anyway? Although this isn’t bikini material. I don’t think. I don’t know. Felicity always wears a sensible one-piece…dress or swim suit, come to think of it. Oh my god, is she touching my butt?

BAI LING: Bai Ling Macy. Mr and Mrs William H Ling-Macy. Bai and Bill Macy-Ling. Ooh! Ooh! Personality Number Nine will LOVE being Bai Macy-Ling. That sounds like a new cut of panties!

WILLIAM H MACY: Felicity. I am so sorry. This means nothing. This crazy woman just attacked me. What was I supposed to do? I’m scared of her. She’s preternaturally strong.

Will William be rescued? Click here to read the rest of the exchange.