Month: March 2006 (Page 22 of 23)

But why do they both have red hair if they’re not actually related?

In what is certain to be delightful scenery-chewing fun, Carol Burnett has signed on to play the Evil Stepmother of America’s favorite high-strung alcoholic widow, Bree Van de Kamp.

So poor Bree had Miss Hannigan for a stepmother growing up. No wonder she’s not right in the head. “You’ll stay up til this dump shiiiiiiiines…like the top of the Chrysler Building!”

It’s a hard-knock life, indeed. No one cares for you a smidge, ’til you’ve spit-polished the fridge.

Should be fun to watch, regardless of the show’s uneven tone this season.

Jessica Alba won’t be showing you her goods

And that’s fine with me, because I love a little mystery, don’t you know. Alba is currently pissed at Playboy who are using her photo on a cover without her consent. She was approached by the mag to be part of a celeb pictorial and refused.

“Despite Alba’s flat-out rejection, her lawyer alleges that Playboy went ahead and obtained a publicity photo of the Into the Blue star under false pretenses by telling Columbia Pictures that the actress had approved the use of the photo, which then wound up on the cover of the bunny-eared publication.”

I suppose Hef is getting tired of his three Barbie doll airhead girlfriends and wants a real woman. Too bad, you wrinkly old turd. Jessica’s too good for you Viagra-riddled erectile dysfunction.

American Idol: The Guys Take 2

So last night it was the guys’ turn on “American Idol” and just like the ladies, there are 10 left who performed last night. After 5 minutes of the usual judge banter, the performances got underway and there was a least one clear cut leader, and a few duds……and, like the women, quite a bit of medicocrity.

THE GOOD

Okay, Chris Daughtry, who was the last guy to perform, wound up blowing everyone else out of the water, singing Fuel’s “Hemmorhage.” This dude can wail, he looks confident when he performs, he gives me goose bumps and he just has the goods to be a star right now. The judges agreed. Paula said “Do you know how good you are?” and Simon said Chris’ performance was the measuring stick for the rest of the guys. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Chris is as good as Mandisa and Paris, and maybe even good enough to win this whole thing. That, and dude is humble.

The other really strong performance of the night was Elliot Yamin, aka the Abe Lincoln impersonator…..well, Elliot shaved off his beard and turned in a great performance of a Stevie Wonder tune. Randy gave him a standing ovation and Simon even used the word “great.”

THE IN-BETWEEN

Taylor Hicks, who everyone affectionately knows now as the gray haired dude, attempted the Commodores’ “Easy.” It was just okay…..but even worse, dude kept ad-libbing this “whooohhh” almost after every line. Nothing has been more annoying in music since Michael Jackson’s “hee-heehhh.” There’s no denying Taylor can sing but he didn’t exactly show it last night.

Ace took on a Daniel Bedingfield song, and while Randy and Paula said it was good, I disagreed and so did Simon. Ace was clearly not an ace tonight….he strained a lot and didn’t look comfortable.

Gedeon, the dude with the smile as wide as Hollywood, sang Sam Cook’s “Change is Gonna Come.” He’s a bit goofy and animated but really sounded pretty good. Simon even made reference to the fact that he’s got a natural ability akin to some of the great Motown artists from 30 and 40 years ago. I’m going to declare Gedeon a sleeper here.

Will, the Fred Savage look-alike who also reminds me of a young Paul O’Neill (my friend Kramer once promised this sick kid that Paul could hit two home runs in a game). Anyway, Will sang Kenny Rogers’ “Lady” and the song choice was bad for him….it was kind of boring and didn’t showcase his voice enough. Simon said 11 year old girls might like it, but that’s about it.

Bucky made reference to the fact that the food in California is much different than where he is from in North Carolina. Ma’s Diner serves up fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, and sweet tea….but in Cali he said the menu looks French. Anyway, Bucky sang Garth Brooks’ “Thunder Rolls” and did pretty good, though to me it sounded like karaoke or a bar band performance. The judges thought it was pretty good too but not nearly the caliber of some of the better singers here.

Lispy Kevin sang “Heard it Through the Grapevine” and he made reference to the fact that he’s getting more attention from chicks now. He said “Hey ladiesth, howsth it going?” and now I know who he reminds me of: Butthead. Now imagine Butthead trying to sing Marvin Gaye, and we have a problem.
Kevin wasn’t awful, but the novelty is wearing off.

THE BAD

The two that I’m picking to get voted off this week are Sway and David the crooner.

Jose “Sway” sang Stevie Wonder’s “Overjoyed” and definitely struggled with it. Anyone that takes on the great Stevie Wonder is taking a risk, and Sway just didn’t do the song or himself any justice. Adios, Jose.

My other choice for elimination was David, who sang Frank Sinatra’s “The Way You Look Tonight.” Definitely his genre, but he was pitchy and totally unconvincing. The judges agreed, and Randy said it best: “I was bored.” I bet most of America was too and it’ll show tonight.

So let’s recap…..my top three right now are Paris, Mandisa and Chris….honorable mention to Lisa Tucker, Katharine McPhee, Elliot Lincoln and Taylor “Gray.”

The Vandalay choices for elimination are Sway, David, Big Mouth Brenna and Heather (they’re not real, and they’re not spectacular). Join me tomorrow for the recap!

Your guide to the Oscars

Okay, so it’s not an NCAA bracket, but admit it, Oscar pools are fun. If nothing else, you can pretend that you’re watching to see how many you get right, then place additional wagers along the way, like First Winner to Cry, First Winner to Thank Their Agent Before Their Spouse, and of course, First Winner to Spout off about What a Horrible Job Bush Is Doing as President. Actually, Jon Stewart will probably win that last one before a single name is read.

Resident Bullz-Eye movie critics David Medsker and Jason Zingale tag-teamed the major categories – along with a couple minor categories that they enjoy – and created a handicapper to help you through the longest dog and pony show the world has ever known. Read through the first two categories below.

Best Supporting Actor

George Clooney, “Syriana”
Matt Dillon, “Crash”
Paul Giamatti, “Cinderella Man”
Jake Gyllenhaal, “Brokeback Mountain”
William Hurt, “A History of Violence”

The Best Supporting Actor category could, and usually does, go any which way, but the two leading candidates have to be Hollywood poster boy George Clooney and Academy Award reject Paul Giamatti. For two years running, Giamatti has been robbed of a nomination in the Best Actor category (in 2003 for “American Splendor” and in 2004 for “Sideways”), and he would have won last year’s award had he been nominated. This year, the Academy may be looking to make up for their past mistakes, but I wouldn’t put it past them to give the Oscar to George. The dark horse in all of this craziness is Jake Gyllenhaal, who deserves the award just as much as the other two men, while both Matt Dillon and William Hurt have been honored with a nomination at the wrong time, and would have had a much stronger run any other year.

And the Oscar goes toGeorge Clooney
And the Oscar belongs toPaul Giamatti (Jason). Anyone but William Hurt (David).

Best Supporting Actress

Amy Adams, “Junebug”
Catherine Keener, “Capote”
Frances McDormand, “North Country”
Rachel Weisz, “The Constant Gardener”
Michele Williams, “Brokeback Mountain”

We hate to admit, but the first question we had when looking at this list was, “Who’s Amy Adams, and what is ‘Junebug’?” Likewise, it’s intriguing that both Charlize Theron and Frances McDormand were nominated for their performances in a movie that no one liked. Rachel Weisz gets her first nod, but joking about how stupid Americans are isn’t going to help her cause. This looks like a battle between the hard-working indie queen (Keener) and the “Dawson’s Creek” eye candy (Williams). And more often than not, the one with the bigger box office wins. That’s what happens when you try to limit the number of screeners that go out to Academy voters out of fear of piracy, Jack Valenti. You’re squashing the little man. How do you sleep at night?

And yet, a major upset seems to be afoot here. Sorry, Michele ma belle, but despite your great scene with Heath and the fishing pole, you’re going home empty handed.

And the Oscar goes toRachel Weisz (Jason). Catherine Keener (David).
And the Oscar belongs toMichele Williams

Check out the rest of the preview here.

Paging Dr. Cruise to the Baby Killing Care Unit

This is what happens when the writers have no idea what they’re doing. The first half hour of tonight’s episode has to have been the most revealing portion of the series thus far. If that holds true, however, then the second half hour was the least revealing of the season. Here are the facts: Claire’s baby Aaron is sick, and Rousseau thinks he’s infected. Claire is also having flashbacks of her time spent with the Others, so she runs to Lizzie the psychiatrist for help, but the only thing she can seem to remember via hypnosis is being in a faux hospital room with Ethan giving her a mysterious vaccine shot into her tummy.

With everyone else too busy to help her (where do these people go for days at a time?), Claire enlists Kate’s help to go searching for the place where she was taken, but when they finally find it, the hidden bunker is completely vacant. What I found more interesting than any of this is what Kate discovered while exploring the bunker: a beard? Does that help explain why Zeke had a beard during their first encounter with him, and why he didn’t have one in Claire’s flashback. Or were they just planning ahead for the upcoming stage production of “Annie Get Your Gun”?

I’m really starting to grow tired of this routine that “Lost” writers Damon Lindelof and JJ Abrams have seemed to fallen into. You know, the one where they answer a single insignificant question in trade for a slew of much larger ones? We need answers, and now. If they keep this up any longer, I don’t know if people will still be around to tune in.

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