So season 5 of American Idol began last night (has it really been around for four years?) and immediately I wanted to puke when Ryan Seacrest opened things up. I mean, who out there thinks the show can stand on its own without this no-talent host? He starts things off by trying to paint this picture of American Idol being part of the cultural landscape in our country–right or wrong, stop being so full of yourselves.
The show started out by showing the first contestants who entered in Chicago, and as always, showcased the best and worst of the auditions. Here are some highlights of each:
Best: The Brittenum twins were really good, but 16 year old Joshua and Jarrett were even better. All moved on to Hollywood. An obviously overweight girl named Mandisa had an incredible voice and was escorted to Hollywood, though Simon joked “Is the stage going to be big enough?” David, a Sinatra type crooner, made it to the next round but the judges were reluctant because the show’s history has exposed these types as being one-dimensional. There was also Gina, a singer from the band Catfight, who surprised everyone by belting out a Celine Dion song really well…and by professing her affection for Simon. Then there was David, the guy who talks to animals and does this weird dancing, and really didn’t sing that well….but they let him through to Hollywood because Randy and Paula either wanted to amuse themselves, or it was a ratings ploy.
Worst: Was it the girl who sang “Blue Moon” and kept stopping? The dude that Simon told to shave his beard and put on a dress? The deputy sheriff who came dressed in his real work uniform and sang “I Shot the Sheriff” terribly? Erik, the kid who Simon said “sang like an Aunty,” prompting the kid’s grandmother to want to kick Simon’s ass? The chick who they had to keep bleeping out? The 16 year old girl who was too tan for Simon, but couldn’t sing anyway? The dude dressed like the Statue of Liberty who started singing “Start Spreading–” before Simon said “ok, that’s enough, thank you”? Or Derek Dupree, the one who proclaimed he was the next American Idol, then sucked badly? Actually my vote goes to him, because not only did he segue from “Shout” to XTC’s “Nigel” in a frightening way, but Ryan Seacrest brought him out to the street to get a second opinion and two people laughed at him.
The show ended by showing some atrocious versions of the same song, Patti Labelle’s “Lady Marmalade,” and how every contestant that auditioned with the song butchered it equally.
Boy, I can’t wait to see how the Denver contestants do…..or not. Either way, I do have to say, is there a good reason for a 2 hour premier?
