Sadly, however, I’ll have to wait ’til February 21st, as that’s when Sony is releasing “Action: The Complete Series” on DVD. Extras will include commentary on some episodes, a making-of documentary, and, best of all, no bleeps. Unexpigated cursing? Sign me up! Plus, any excuse to see Buddy Hackett onscreen again. It’s just a damned shame he didn’t live long enough to be filmed for “The Aristrocrats.”
Month: January 2006 (Page 7 of 22)
Recognizing that the comedies have been running on fumes for a few years now, FOX has announced the official cancellation of “Malcolm in the Middle” and “That 70’s Show.” Both shows will run through the end of the season, and air their final episodes in May.
Unlike cult favorite “Arrested Development”–for which hope still lingers among the faithful, based on recent discussions with ABC and Showtime–it is unlikely that fans of “Malcolm” and “70’s” will launch an impassioned campaign to save their shows. “Malcolm” has already used up the old “add a new kid to the family” ploy (as seen in “The Brady Bunch”, “Growing Pains,” “Married…with Children”, and countless other aging sitcoms), and “70’s” has lost both of its major stars.
Icing the two comedies will make more room in FOX’s schedule…but still not enough room for “Arrested”, nor perhaps “King of the Hill” (currently on hiatus). And yet…the folks who make “Stacked” are still happily cashing their paychecks.
Gotta love those crazy scamps over at FOX.
Perhaps brushing up his Ryan Seacrest credentials in case Wisteria Lane decides to off yet another of its residents just in time for spring sweeps, hunky faux plumber James Denton will be hosting the Miss America Pageant on CMT this weekend.
Let’s see, Eva Longoria was recently hawking Chrysler’s new concept car at the North American International Auto Show, Denton is slumming on a cable-TV beauty contest, Nicolette Sheridan hooks up with an old flame to console herself over her many supposed award snubs…and meanwhile, Felicity Huffman just won a Golden Globe for Best Actress to place next to her Emmy on the mantle at home, and is practically guaranteed an Oscar nomination.
Which of these things is not like the others?
Yes, there are a ton of crapfests being released in the theatres in the coming months, but I believe that without a doubt the biggest of the bombs is going to be the prequel of The Pink Panther also called The Pink Panther “starring” Steve Martin. There is no reason to make this movie whatsoever. Martin should just publicly apologize now for even considering doing it and own up the the fact that he is no longer funny and is a complete fucking bore in terms of both acting and overall entertainer anymore. The original version of this flick wasn’t a fall down laughfest, anyway. That would come with what I consider to be the best of the Inspector Clouseau movies, A Shot in the Dark. But here we go, making a “wacky” prequel and throwing in Beyonce of all people. Jesus, it really can’t get any worse, can it? Perhaps it can. The other day on Opie And Anthony, someone pointed out how Martin’s Clouseau impression sounded more like his old wild and crazy Czech brother character from “SNL” than anything remotely close to Clouseau. I’d have to agree. Please, Steve, just stop already. You’ve more then embarrassed yourself with almost, if not all the most recent flicks you’ve done. There is no need for any more bullshit.
(There are some hilarious quotes on the IMDB message board for this flick, however. Among them are, “…the movie will be a hit…it may not be #1 but it will be in the top #5. ” and “The trailer has some intelligent humour — it kind of reminds me of Young Frankenstein, and finally the immeasurably talented Steve Martin has found a decent script that rivals some of his earliest films.” Sure, whatever.)
Thankfully the second episode of American Idol, featuring the Denver auditions, was only one hour. Especially because they decided to focus on the awful performers this time and show just a few of the good ones.
It’s really both funny and sad that they always show someone who proclaims to “be the next American Idol,” followed by an abysmal performance by that person. This time that person was Marlos, a young man who also claimed that they had to let him through to the next round because he came so far to be there. When asked where he was from he replied “Denver, Colorado.” Freaking priceless.
Some of the best performers were Lisa Tucker, who Simon said was the best 16 year old ever to enter the competition any year. High praise from the bitter one indeed. There was the 25 year old guy from North Carolina who had a great voice and was inspired by Bo Bice…Simon didn’t like him but he was outvoted. Then there was Rochelle, who brought about 15 of her family members with her and they spelled out her first and last name with letters on t-shirts….Rochelle cried poverty, saying she was evicted from her apartment recently and that she really needed this. Lucky for her she had a killer voice. And note to Rochelle….maybe all that money spent on t-shirts would cover your rent.
There was also the 18 year old cowboy from Wyoming…dude looked like he was 12 but sang decent enough, even though he openly admitted he’d never sang to people before, only to a turkey.
But the bad performers….well, there were so many, but here are a few highlights….
Tiffany, the girl who sang “I Came For the Party”…she came to the party in a short skirt and started humping the air, and still couldn’t sing. There were two contestants who sang awful renditions of Paula Abdul songs, the funniest moment coming when Simon declared “It’s very rare that I hear something better than the original.” Whether you like or dislike Simon, that was hilarious.
Then there was Nick, who called himself “Flawless.” Nick is an “entrepreneur” and that is only in quotes because I’m sure that’s not what he actually said. This kid was dressed in what looked like pajamas, with a baseball cap that was missing its propeller. What a piece of work. He was followed by invention boy, who claimed to be a triple threat….singer, dance, actor, inventor….uh, dude, that’s four. Anyway, he couldn’t do any of the above..h.is floating drink coaster invention was ridiculous…and did anyone notice the security guy whisk it away from Paula? Did they think it was going to explode?
They saved the best for last though, as young Zachary showed that even though you can talk like a girl, dress like a girl and sing girl songs, the sack in your pants has something to do with how deep your voice is…and therefore what an idiot you sound like singing Whitney Houston. When he learned he didn’t make it to Hollywood, Zachary broke out the prejudice card. Prejudice against what? Idiots who can’t sing? Guilty as charged.
Before I go, let me say one more thing. To Ryan Seacrest, Paula, Randy and Simon: STOP SAYING THIS IS THE BEST CROP OF TALENT THE SHOW HAS EVER SEEN. Your show gets good ratings every year. Now shut up and focus on just making the show better.
See you next week in Carolina…..
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