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Holiday Movies Bad Enough To Make You Hate Christmas

During the holiday season, there’s nothing like grabbing a mug of hot cider or a glass of eggnog, sitting down on the couch, turning on the TV, and watching one of the many classic Christmas movies. Man, there are some classics out there: “It’s A Wonderful Life,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” “White Christmas,” “A Christmas Story,” and, of course, “Ernest Saves Christmas.”

What’s that? You don’t consider “Ernest Saves Christmas” to be a classic? Okay, good. We were really just using that as a gauge, to make sure you that you know the difference between a good holiday movie and a really, really bad holiday movie.

If you’ve already got that cider or eggnog handy, be sure it’s heavily spiked as you enter into our list of 15 flicks that, while they may have started with good intentions, turned out so terrible that they’d turn the sweetest guy in the world into Ebenezer Scrooge.

An example:

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure

It’s not exactly breaking news that films coming out under the “National Lampoon” name tend to be excruciating viewing experiences; it’s been that way ever since they started going the straight-to-video route (and, arguably, about five years before that). Still, it’s one thing when they put out awful standalone films, but when you start tarnishing the reputation of a Chevy Chase franchise, you’ve gone too damned far! We’re not saying that Randy Quaid’s portrayal of Eddie Johnson isn’t funny; we’re just saying that Cousin Eddie’s a character that cannot – nay, should not – be given his own film, especially when it’s as bad as this one is. The premise is straight out of a later, less-funny “Simpsons” episode, with Eddie getting bitten by a chimpanzee who’s better at his job than he is, and getting a tropical vacation from his employers to avoid a possible lawsuit. It’s notable that Dana Barron plays Audrey Griswold, making it the first time any actress has ever played the role twice; it also answers the question, “Which of the actresses to formerly play Audrey Griswold needs work the most?” Audrey’s dad may not be in the film, but Eddie still manages to drag his cousin Clark down, anyway. After all, “Christmas Vacation” was pretty much the last funny film Chevy Chase did, and now, it’s forever going to be associated with this travesty. – WH

Check out the rest of the list here.

You can follow us on Twitter @moviebuffs and on Facebook as well.

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Bruce Lee theme park to open in China

Thirty-three years after his death from a swelling of the brain in 1973, martial arts legend Bruce Lee will have a theme park built in his honor:

A theme park with a statue and memorial hall will be built at Bruce Lee’s southern Chinese ancestral home of Shunde, the president of his fan club said Monday.

The park will also contain a martial arts academy and conference center, Wong Yiu-keung, chairman of the Hong Kong-based Bruce Lee Club, told The Associated Press.

The park is set to open in three years, at a budget rumored to be over $25 million, and will also include artifacts from Lee’s movies.

Informed of the news, rival martial artist Chuck Norris shrugged and said, “Chuck Norris doesn’t have a theme park. Because if he did, it would KILL YOU.”

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Leo: “Diamonds bad. Mommy good.”

In a recent interview promoting his new film, “Blood Diamond,” which highlights the troubles caused by the mining of “conflict diamonds” in Africa, Leonardo DiCaprio said he feels differently about buying diamonds after making the film, and that his mother is the only person for whom he would ever buy a diamond.

Upon hearing Leo’s comment, his girlfriend (Victoria’s Secret model Bar Rafaeli) was heard to say, “Awww, that’s so sweet. I’m outta here.”

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C.S.I.: MY, It’s Hammy!

In my recent review of the latest full-season sets of the three “C.S.I.” series, I gave David Caruso a fair amount of shit for dragging down the Miami-based show of the franchise. The exact quote, in fact, was, “He’s the 21st century’s TV cop equivalent of Jack Lord – Steve McGarrett in ‘Hawaii Five-O’ – and he utters every line in such an overly dramatic manner that you just want to laugh at him.” Well, if you’d like to save yourself the time and money involved to watch an entire season of “C.S.I.: Miami, check out the montage below. It should be enough to confirm the accuracy of my statement.

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Rock with the D

Tenacious D

Fans of the music rhythm game, “Guitar Hero,” rejoice! To promote their new movie, “The Pick of the Destiny,” Tenacious D has created “Devil May Fry,” a Flash-based mini-game for all to enjoy. Rock along to the duo’s latest tune, but beware, this game is tough.

So, do you have what it takes to play alongside the Greatest Band Ever?

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