Tag: movie reviews (Page 3 of 6)

Stuck

October 21, 2008 /

Director Stuart Gordon’s “Stuck” is a strange little film. On one hand, it’s probably the most original thriller I’ve seen in quite some time, and on the other, it’s so absurdly illogical that a majority of the movie teeters on parody. Mena Suvari stars as Brandi Boski, a hard-working nursing assistant who’s just been informed by her supervisor that she’s in contention for a big promotion. When Brandi accidentally hits a homeless man (Stephen Rea) after a night out on the town, however, she panics and drives straight home, parking the car in the garage with the man stuck in her windshield. As she soon discovers, the man is still alive, and as the hours pass without any sign of medical help, he begins to fight back against his captor. Calling “Stuck” a horror movie is a bit of a stretch, but there’s definitely something horrific about the idea that one human could be so cruel to another human because they’re afraid of the consequences. Stephen Rea’s solid performance as the down-on-his-luck victim really helps drive “Stuck” through some of the more ridiculous moments, but it’s ultimately the film’s ripped-from-the-headlines story that proves to be the most engaging element. The fact that a woman really did hit a man with her car, drove home, and then waited for him to die is just crazy enough that it needs to be seen to be believed. Granted, the film takes a few turns along the way, but it only makes the ride that much more thrilling.

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Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

October 8, 2008 /

These days, it seems like every film buff with a camera thinks they have what it takes to make the next great cult film. What many don’t realize, however, is just how good movies like “Evil Dead” and “Shaun of the Dead” have to be in order to enjoy success beyond the late night movie marathons and festival circuits. “Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer” may not be as cheesy as it looks, but it’s still cheesy enough to ensure that it will never be part of that elite group of horror comedies. The film stars newcomer Trevor Matthews as the title character, a twentysomething loner who’s had anger management issues ever since his family was killed by a monster during a camping trip as a kid. Now, he’s a burnout plumber taking a night class at the local community college, and when he unknowingly sets free an ancient evil that transforms his professor (a sublimely funny Robert Englund) into a slimy beast from Hell, Jack must tap into his rage to save his fellow classmates and, eventually, the world. What sounds like a really cool concept at first quickly turns in to one of the least horrific, least comedic horror comedies you’ll ever see. The film’s main three monsters are an absolute joke, while Matthews himself is about as charismatic as a piece of wood. If there’s any reason to sit through this piece of low-rent garbage, then it’s for Englund’s enjoyable turn as the unlucky professor. He alone makes “Jack Brooks” worth the price of admission, but once he’s replaced with an animatronic puppet straight out of Chuck E. Cheese, you might be inclined to ask for your money back.

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Feast II: Sloppy Seconds

October 7, 2008 /

Never has the title of a movie said so much with so few words than “Feast II: Sloppy Seconds,” the clumsily made direct-to-DVD sequel to the 2006 cult film. Whereas the original “Feast” worked because it so boldly defied horror conventions (both in plot and tone), the second installment is an unequivocal failure because it falls right back into them. It’s the morning after the attack and the monsters have already begun to invade a nearby town. Some of the locals (including a tag team of midget wrestlers, a sleazy car dealer, his slutty wife, and the man she’s having an affair with) have bunkered themselves inside of a building, while Honey Pie (one of the original survivors) is disappointed to discover her nightmare is far from over. Meanwhile, Harley Mom’s twin sister, Biker Queen, pulls the old bartender out from the wreckage looking for answers. When he tells her that it’s Bozo who was responsible for her death, she takes the bartender hostage and heads to town with her all-girl biker gang to seek revenge.

Feast 2

How the bartender is still alive after having a heart attack and having his throat slit is beyond me, but it probably has something to do with the fact that he’s the director’s father. Unfortunately, that little tidbit is the least of your worries when it comes to “Feast II.” While the first film made the most of its limited budget, the sequel looks every bit as cheap as it probably cost to make. What’s worse, however, is that for all the comedy and gore that made watching the original “Feast” a blast, it’s mostly MIA in this installment. Instead, we get an entire sequence dedicated to a monster penis urinating on biker chicks while they vomit in disgust, and it’s every bit as absurd as it sounds. You can’t even look forward to cool death scenes, either, because with the exception of a handful of characters, no one dies until the final scene – which, of course, you don’t actually get to see. It’s all a big ploy to get you to watch the third chapter scheduled to be released next year, but honestly, if “Sloppy Seconds” is this bad, what’s the point?

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Pathology

October 6, 2008 /

Though it spends much of its time dealing with the dead, you’d expect a movie like “Pathology” to have a little more life to it. After all, it was created by the writing team behind “Crank” – quite possibly the most over-the-top movie ever made. Of course, with Milo Ventimiglia headlining the cast, it’s no wonder the film feels a lot duller than it should have been. The “Heroes” star does his best Hayden Christensen impression as Ted Grey, a brilliant medical student who’s just joined the nation’s most prestigious pathology program. When he arrives, however, he’s seduced into playing a twisted game with some of the other interns that involves them taking turns murdering strangers, while the others figure out how it was done. Think of it as Medical Clue, but much more boring than it sounds, because there isn’t a single horrific or suspenseful moment in the film, despite the fact that that is how it’s being marketed. Even worse is that the audience has no one to root for. Sure, Ted is supposed to be the good guy in the movie, but are we really supposed to forgive all of his faults (cheating, killing, using, etc.) as someone who’s simply taken a wrong turn in live? Puh-lease. Only Michael Weston is given a role with any real meat on it, but even his crazy antagonist is never given the attention it deserves. Now, if the film followed him around instead of Milo, maybe we’d have something interesting to watch. It might not be “American Psycho,” but it would definitely be better than this.

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The Rebel

September 28, 2008 /

Earning the title of highest-grossing Vietnamese movie of all-time is sort of like a Vietnamese chef who’s renowned for the best American hamburger in his country – true, but not exactly as amazing as it sounds. Credit the makers of “The Rebel,” then, for not only delivering the first true Vietnamese actioneer, but actually making it good enough to compete with China and Hong Kong’s nonstop supply of martial arts films. “The Rebel” takes place in 1922 Vietnam where French colonial rule is being challenged by a group of resistance fighters. In response to the rebel activity, the French government has hired Vietnamese agents to track down and kill them, but when one agent (Johnny Tri Nguyen) becomes tired of spilling the blood of his own countrymen, he teams up with the daughter (Tranh Van Ngo) of the rebel leader and incurs the wrath of his boss, Sy (Dustin Nguyen, of “21 Jump Street” fame), who’s been promised a promotion if he can capture the traitors. Directed by Charlie Nguyen, “The Rebel” is just as much of a historical drama as it is a martial arts film, and as such, it has a pretty decent story to tell when its characters aren’t busy kicking ass. Of course, as with most Dragon Dynasty films, the main draw of “The Rebel” is the action, and believe it or not, there’s some really great stuff here. Johnny Tri Nguyen, whose biggest role to date is as Tobey Maguire’s costumed stunt double in the first two “Spider-Man” films, isn’t the greatest actor in the world, but he’s got moves that most action fans have never seen before, and that alone is worth the price of admission.

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