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Not directed by Eli Roth, yet

From “The Man Who Laughed” to the Joker to “Killer Klowns from Outer Space” the uniquely frightening nature of circus clowns — whose supposedly laugh-inducing and harmless nature makes them all the more frightening to children of all ages — has been fodder for scares. If I’d known some of the talented amateurs involved in making this fake trailer, it’s possible I’d have tried to discourage them from attaching any famous names, but it obviously worked re: Eli Roth, and not for no reason. Take a look. This “Clown” wasn’t made by bozos.

H/t Cinematical.

The Biggest Loser: why am I loving the switcheroo?

It used to be that when “The Biggest Loser” producers messed with the show, I would get annoyed and want to stop watching. But since this season began, and started with wrenches all over the place, my outlook has changed and I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because they stopped playing that awful “What have you done today to make me feel proud?” song that was the theme for like five years. I mean, whoever wrote that can retire now, but we’ve all certainly heard it enough times. More likely, it’s the fact that they started changing things up with the yellow line and when they weigh the contestants in right from Week 1. That way, they can’t play games or mess with the weigh in at all….more below the line, pop weigh-ins, no monkeying around. So I like it that way, and when host Alison Sweeney announced that they would be going to blue vs. black as they have in seasons past, I was all for it. Let’s break up the alliances that are forming now.

So the episode began with those who fought to get onto the ranch in the first episode having a shot at getting on again. Five of them–Corey, Anna, Montina, Shanna, and Sandy–would weigh in now for that second chance. No games this time, just a straight weigh in. The person with the highest percentage of weight loss would get a spot on the ranch. Corey went first with his man boobs, those boobs that I swear are bigger than Alison’s. He lost 37 pounds, or 9.46%. Shanna lost 21, Montina 17 and Sandy 25. So Sandy was now in the lead. Anna was last and she lost 39 pounds, or 11.82%, and earned that spot on the campus.

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Sons of Anarchy 3.7 – Widening Gyre

It may have seemed like a foregone conclusion after last week’s episode that SAMCRO would be heading for Belfast this week, but since they have to wait until Oswald’s charter plane leaves for Manchester, they’re stuck in Charming for one more day. And as it turns out, it’s for the better, because after a member of the Grim Reapers turns up dead, SAMCRO has to step in and stop them from seeking revenge on the Calaveras. Afraid of striking back without checking with Alvarez first, Clay decides to approach the Mayan president directly to act as a mediator. But while Alvarez admits that he still needs the Calaveras in his pocket because they serve a purpose, he agrees to let SAMCRO question Salazar about the assassination. Salazar begrudgingly gives up the man responsible, but Alvarez punishes him as well, stripping him of his patch and putting someone else in charge.

Salazar isn’t at all pleased, and after they made a point of showing his reaction to Jax telling Alvarez that they were going to be out of town for a week, I just knew that he was planning some kind of retribution. And now that they know that Tara is Jax’s old lady, you can bet that they’re going to go after her, especially with the club halfway across the world. Still, it feels a little too soon to be doing another subplot involving an attack on one of SAMCRO’s women after Gemma’s kidnapping/rape last season, so here’s hoping that Salazar is taken care of before anything bad happens to Tara.

sons_of_anarchy_3-7

After all, it’s not like she hasn’t already been through hell these last few weeks. She was held at gunpoint by Cameron while Half-Sack was killed and Abel was kidnapped, she became an accessory to murder when she helped Gemma kill Amelia the caretaker, and on tonight’s episode, she walked in on Jax to discover that he had just banged a porn star. Opie believes that Tara is too resilient to let something like this make her want to give up on the relationship, but she’s still not happy about it and has moved out of Jax’s house for the time being. Gemma suggests that telling Jax about the pregnancy may change his mind about his plan to “protect” her, but she wants to keep it a secret until she decides what she’s going to do with the baby, and makes Gemma promise not to tell anyone.

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This may be why people keep complaining about sequels

I admit that as a bit of a cinema chicken with my famously mixed feelings about horror, particularly of the slasher variety, I’ve only actually seen the original “Scream” — and only made it past the brilliantly terrifying opening with the help of the fast forward button. Still, and I hate to keep bagging on Wes Craven, who I respect, this teaser trailer for the long-awaited-by-someone-I’m-sure “Scream 4” really feels warmed over. How far can you keep building up this kind of self-awareness before you lose all human feeling? Or, maybe I’ve got it wrong. Or maybe it’s just a hastily rushed out, poorly put-together trailer to try to make everyone forget about Craven’s fiscally and critically disastrous “My Soul to Take.” See for yourself.

H/t Merrick of AICN, who informs us that this is a slightly expanded version of the trailer featured on this year’s Scream awards.

Once more with whinging

It has yet to spawn a full on blogosphere geek tantrum though that may be just a matter of time, but the news is out tonight via Mike Fleming that “Glee” creator Ryan Murphy is “eying” a remake of, you guessed it, “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

Now, it’s anyone’s guess how much this story may be a cannily opportunistic exaggeration to pump up the ratings of the upcoming 10/26 “Glee” episode paying homage to Jim Sharman and Richard O’Brien’s odd little musical. Russ Fischer is certain an actual film would be a “fool’s errand.” I don’t want to reiterate my standard defense of remakes in theory (though not always in practice, lord knows) for the millionth time, but I will say there’s absolutely nothing holy or perfect about this particular original. I actually think that “Rocky Horror” in a funny way became enormous not so much because it was partly great, but because it was also badly flawed. The first 30-45 minutes of the film are a complete hoot and really did touch a huge socio-political-sexual nerve, but the second half becomes increasingly morose and dull. Hence, the need to dress up, yell funny stuff back at the screen, throw stuff, etc. I certainly wouldn’t mind a version that actually worked without audience participation — like an actual movie.

On the other hand, there is one thing that any remake by anyone will find impossible to top, and that’s Mr. Tim Curry.

What a performance. Not that Barry Bostwick or especially Susan Sarandon were exactly chopped liver  — I’m also a pretty big fan of the late Charles Gray, who played the narrator about as perfectly as you could imagine. Meat Loaf wasn’t bad either, and I had a bit of a crush on Nell “Little Nell” Campbell’s tap-dancing Ruby Keeler homage, Columbia. (On the topic of redheads — I’m for them.) Where was I? Ah, never mind.

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