So last night’s installment of “American Idol” taught us a few things. One, idols can’t sing country music very well. Two, Ryan Seacrest and Simon Cowell don’t like each other. Three, Randy Jackson shouldn’t wear a shiny red vest—dude, I can’t get the glare out of my eyes today.
All of the above pretty much sums up the storyline, but it’s worth noting that there is some real bitterness between judge and host and it keeps growing. After Simon made a comment about a contestant being dull and boring, Ryan responded by saying “Just like your love life, Simon.” Simon didn’t immediately respond, but later on made reference to Ryan’s 5 O’Clock shadow, saying that he was going for the “Desperate Housewives” look….taking a backhanded jab at the fact that Seacrest is said to be dating Terri Hatcher. Look, I like Simon and can’t stand Seacrest, but if he really is dating Terri Hatcher, he’s got scoreboard on the old man.
Then, to make things more interesting, Ryan later made reference to the fact that some of the judges were acting strange, and wondering aloud if there was a flask being passed around. We all know Paula has a problem, but are things that tense on the set that all of it is coming out before our very eyes? Stay tuned, this can only get uglier. But for now, pass me the flask, because if the performances are as boring next week as they were last night, we will all need to be drunk to figure out who is best.
Kenny Rogers was a guest on the show, and he spent some time coaching each contestant as they got ready to sing a song from the country music genre. Oddly, none of them picked a Kenny Rogers song. In fact, some of the song choices last night and this season in general have been, to use a Simon term, “dreadful.”
THE GOOD
Kellie Pickler was the best performer of the night, and no one should really be surprised that she can sing country. She sang “Fancy” and while Randy said it was great, Simon said he hated the song but loved the performance. But the fact that she was the best of the night should tell you all you need to know about everyone else.
THE IN-BETWEEN
Taylor Hicks kicked things off with John Denver’s “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” and it was about as bland as a piece of tofu. (To my vegetarian readers: “Not that there’s anything wrong with that”). Simon said the performance had no personality. It didn’t suck, but it was just boring.
Mandisa sang “Any Man of Mine,” and even though she hails from Nashville she couldn’t pull it off. It was boring and off-key in spots. We all know she’s capable of doing much better.
Elliott Yamin sang Garth Brooks’ “If Tomorrow Never Comes,” and while Randy said it was “hot,” Simon said it was a safe and mediocre performance, and I agree. Have you noticed I don’t usually note Paula’s comments? That’s because she gushes over everyone through that drunken haze. Besides, who really cares what Paula Abdul thinks?
Paris Bennett attempted LeAnn Rimes’ “How Do I Live” and it was just okay, once again not what we’ve come to expect from this little dynamo. Paula actually said she didn’t connect with the audience and Simon disagreed and said it was “excellent.” Maybe Paula passed Simon the flask?
Ace Young sang “I Wanna Cry,” maybe trying to cater to the soft side of all his female fans. Randy said it was boring and I agree. Simon actually said it was “very good” and Paula, well, Paula has a chick woodie for this guy.
Chris Daughtry is my hero….he may even be my new favorite to go all the way. But last night, he nearly put me to sleep singing Keith Urban’s “Memories.” The judges thought it was cool seeing a different side of Chris, instead of the rocker everyone has come to recognize. He can sing, but needs to show a bit more of that flare again to keep it going.
Katharine McPhee sang “Bringing Out Elvis” and with a bluesy choice like that, I really expected her to bring it. But she really kind of brought a boring rendition. She wasn’t bad, but she wasn’t great. And the fact that she was in the bottom two last week makes me wonder if this is the last we’ll see of Katharine.
Bucky Covington sang “Best I Ever Had,” and I don’t know who remade it into country but to me, that is a Vertical Horizon song. You would think Bucky could really show us something this week, right? Um, no. Bucky started off so bad, I thought America would vote him off right there on the show, but he got better as the song went on. Still, dude has got to be sweating like a cow in line at McDonald’s.
THE BAD
Okay, there was no one that really sucked last night. So it’s going to be hard to even predict the bottom 3. I’m going with Ace, Katharine and Bucky, because they’ve all been there before and there’s no reason to believe America won’t put them there again. But who will go home? My gut says Katharine, but I don’t think that would be right….so I’m hoping America picks Ace, because I really think the time is right for him to ride off into the sunset, or into Paula’s bed.
See you tomorrow with the results!
Vandalay, OUT.
