Well, “Prison Break” is back for a fourth season, and it’s sort of a blessing and a curse. There’s no doubt that it’s an entertaining show, and its return marks the beginning of the fall season. But I’ve been using my brain this summer, and it’s hard to turn it off for two hours while “Prison Break” gets set up for this season’s storyline. How contrived is this show? Let me count the ways…
1. Sona burned down and Bellick, Sucre and T-Bag escaped. Think about this for a second. Sona was a big square building with a fence around it. If the building catches on fire, the inmates would just run out into the fenced-in yard surrounding the prison. If any tried to climb the fence, they’d be shot by the soldiers in the towers. So how do not one, not two, but three main characters escape the prison?
2. Lincoln kills a man in Panama. All right, this is a little more believable, but he was right there in public and any number of witnesses (including LJ and Sofia) would have seen the struggle and the eventual accidental murder. He gets 15 years yet Don (played by Michael Rappaport… Michael Rappaport!) is able to “swing a deal” to allow Linc to serve his time in the States.
3. This whole “Ocean’s Seven” thing they have going. Don is working a covert operation and he needs Michael to acquire “Scylla” to take down the Company, and he’s going to give him the manpower to do it. Not trained professionals, mind you, instead he’s going to provide – you guessed it – guys like Sucre, Bellick and Lincoln. These guys have mad skills in covert ops.
4. T-Bag is going to leave his sexy nun because he has a “blood feud” with Michael. T-Bag has $50 K from Luchero and a hottie Panamanian girl that seems to love him despite his handicap and his general creepiness. Why leave all that to pick another fight with a guy who has outsmarted you time and time again? What’s the upside here?
5. Sara is alive. Boy, this one really got me. During the entire run of the third season, I watched and waited for some clue, some tiny little hint that Sara might still be alive. I was slow to accept her death because I believe that her romance with Michael is the real heart of the show. But finally, when no discernable clues or hints ever came, I eventually accepted that she was gone. NOPE, SHE’S BACK! (And luckily I missed the news that Sarah Wyane Callies was returning to the show.) She somehow escaped Gretchen’s clutches and made it back to America in one piece. Now, I have no problem with the thesis that Gretchen faked Sara’s death, but the story of her escape is implausible and the fact that there was no hint that she still might be alive is proof that this is something that the creators came up with during the hiatus (or very late in Season Three). Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad she’s back, but this seems woefully thrown together.
I could go on, but those are the major head-scratchers.
So now what? Once again, “Prison Break” has spun off into a completely different direction. Michael, Lincoln, Sara, Sucre, Bellick, Mahone and some tech genius named Roland have to acquire the six parts of Scylla and break into the Company’s headquarters in order to secure their freedom. Gretchen is still alive (I’m sure there will eventually be some emotional confrontation between her and Sara) and Michael is bleeding mysteriously from his nose.
Oh, and don’t forget, there’s still a lot of money sitting at the bottom of that Panamanian bay. Clearly, the producers are hoping we forget that little fact because surely Lincoln would have collected the loot once the escape was over.
Lastly, one thing I noticed was that the show was quite a bit funnier than last season. Here are a few of the better lines:
Bellick and Sucre getting caught at the hospital…
Bellick: “We’re screwed!”
The group discusses Roland’s background.
Michael: “He’s an identity thief.”
Lincoln: “He’s a douche. Hey, why don’t you sit in the corner and we’ll get you when we need you.”
(By the way, I think “douche” is one of the funniest words in the English language. I want a sound clip of Lincoln saying “he’s a douche” to play every time I get an email. That’s how funny I thought that line was. In fact, I’m still laughing as I type this.)
Mahone catches up to Bellick, who supposedly stole the maid’s bag.
Mahone: “I actually had to slow down not to catch you.”
(Is it just me, or would it have been easier just to have Sara meet the maid at the bus stop again and tell her that she might have accidentally dropped her cell phone in her bag when she was looking at it? No, no, of course not. What am I thinking? The double break-in was totally necessary.)
T-Bag comes across a couple of four-wheeling Americans just after becoming a cannibal.
Dude on four-wheeler: “What’s wrong, man? Eat some bad Mexican?”
Ba-dum-bump-tish!
