…but Lindsay Lohan thinks it would be “cool” to play Wonder Woman in the upcoming feature-film on the Amazon super-heroine.
“I’m trying to find roles right now that are different to anything I’ve done to show my abilities, to show that I have some sort of stretch in me,” says Lohan. “Because most of the things that I’ve done so far are aimed at younger girls and are light-hearted.”
Honest to God, Lindsay, just make the move to softcore, straight-to-video porn and be done with it already…
Based on Sunday’s estimates:
1) Inside Man: $28.9 million (first week)
We are totally buying a copy of “Kill Dat Nigga” the second it hits the shelves.
2) V for Vendetta: $12.3 million ($46.1 million, second week)
The revolution is coming…to a discount theater near you.
3) Stay Alive: $11.2 million (first week)
A video game that kills its players…written by Tipper Gore.
4) Failure to Launch: $10.8 million ($63.8 million, third week)
Don’t know about anyone else, but if Terry Bradshaw’s my dad, I’m getting the hell out the house as soon as possible.
5) The Shaggy Dog: $9.1 million ($47.9 million, third week)
Hard to believe that “Galaxy Quest” and “Toy Story 2,” his last two good movies, were from the last century.
Proof that there is a god: “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” finished seventh with $7 million. We can already see the drinking game that is created for this movie: any time there’s a fart joke, you know what to do.
A night on the Great White Way just isn’t complete without Bruce Lee sending a flying kick into some poor schmuck’s mouth while “China Girl” plays in the background. Fortunately, that oversight is about to be addressed, with the upcoming release of a musical based on the life of Bruce Lee, featuring music by David Bowie.
And, as if that weren’t enough to send legions of martial-arts-musical fans slobbering off to Hot Tix, the Brothers Weinstein are planning their own kung fu spectacle, a musical version of “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” Is Broadway big enough for two feuding bands of martial arts warriors? Only time will tell, but when it comes to brawling, the smart money is always on the (ex-) Miramax Mafia.
Should both of these epics prove successful, expect a host of copycat kung fu musicals to follow. Rumor has it that Marc Shaiman (“Hairspray,” “South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut”) is already fleshing out tunes with Quentin Tarantino for “Kill Bill: The Musical,” and Ralph Macchio has indicated his availability to star in “Singin’ in the Dojo: A Karate Kid on Broadway.”
Gee, and I already thought he was. But no, Dog the Bounty Hunter will finally be marrying his gal of 16 years, Beth Smith. You’ll be able to thrill to it on “Dog the Bounty Hunter” itself. The guest list includes Danny Bonaduce and Wynnona Judd. Yes! Two folks with past criminal records! Oh well, I won’t be tuning in, like I already don’t tune in to Dog’s show. I’ve seen it a couple times, but I can’t get into bounty hunting unless Han Solo’s got a price on his head and Boba Fett’s coming to kick some ass.
Look to your bookstores next year for a new tome penned by fromer “Daily Show” correspondent/current host of “The Colbert Report” Stephen Colbert. The book as of yet in untitled, but should be a blast of the great journalism that we have come to expect from Colbert into the dark nether regions of the hypocrisy that is everything government and news related. Good times, good times.
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