Category: Movies (Page 489 of 498)

January: Welcome to Hell

With the beginning of a new year comes January, the official dumping grounds for the worst of the worst in this year’s film litter, and this week offers up two prime examples with the good possibility of a third. Along with the Uwe Boll video game adaptation of “Bloodrayne,” and the not-dumb-it’s-funny-but-dumb-because-it’s-really-dumb “Grandma’s Boy,” horror auteur Eli Roth’s releases his latest feature, “Hostel.” The film, which has pretty much been described as a movie that would make even the “Saw” guys hurl, has received mostly positive reviews, but with the warning that it might not be as psychotic as the trailers make it seem. Also in wide release this week is the Steven Spielberg political thriller “Munich” and the Heath Ledger romantic comedy “Casanova.”

My five favorite Woody Allen flicks

I’m a huge Woody Allen fan and have been ever since I was a kid. Yeah, I’m one of those types that could relate to the poor shlub even as a pre teen. And even though the man’s movies haven’t done much for me since perhaps Bullets Over Broadway, that still leaves a whole lot left that I still love to watch. Here then are my own five personal favorites from the vast Woody Allen catalog.

1. Stardust Memories – In which Allen creates a loving tribute to Fellini a-la 8 1/2 and manages to piss off some of his fans and critics at the same time. This is the one in which he plays Sandy, a comedic filmmaker who doesn’t want to make comedies anymore. But he’s been invited to be a guest speaker at a film festival of his own movies. So off he goes reluctantly while battling it out with the movie studio that’s making his latest picture. They want it to be funny and have a “Jazz Heaven.” Sandy just wants peace and quiet. In the meantime, he’s haunted by memories of his schizo ex-girlfriend. Indeed, this is the film with the classic line “I love your movies, especially the earlier, funny ones.” It’s too bad, then, that Woody took his uptown like in NYC far too fucking seriously later on and began doling out a series of interchangable films with too few laughs.

2. Bananas – And before he became so damned seriously amusing, Woody started out making hilarious, slapstick-influenced features. In Bananas, Woody is Fielding Mellish (quite possibly the best character name of all time), a products tester who finds himself joining the rebel forces in a recently overthrown San Marcos. Before you know it, he becomes the leader and much madness ensues. There are too many great jokes here to list, but among my favorites is when Allen invites Louise Lasser in to his apartment where he can “open a can of ribs” if she’s hungry. Lots of cameos in this one, too, including Howard Cosell, Sylvester Stallone, and Conrad Bain and Charlotte Rae (!) whom if you recall respectively became Mr. Drummond and Mrs. Garrett on “Dif’frent Strokes” and “The Facts of Life.” A ragtime-infested musical score by Marvin Hamlisch rounds out the groove of this classic.

3. Take The Money And Run – This is Allen’s first wrting/directing/starring debut and it still holds up with lots of laughs. Woody plays a bumbling petty thief who can’t do anything right. He spends a lot of time going into and breaking out of prisons, and falling in love, natch. Probably the most famous scene is the one which he goofs a bank hold up with a misspelled note (“What’s this…’Apt natural’?”; “I’m pointing a gub at you.”). Other classic scenes find Allen playing cello in a marching band and trying to keep with it during a parade down main street, and some hilarious moments on a chain gang (especially during said gang’s escape). It’s another screwball comedy, but no one made ’em like this. No one still does.

4. Zelig – Woody plays the “human chameleon” Leonard Zelig in this bizarre mockumentary. Long before Forrest Gump wowed audiences by putting Tom Hanks into various old news reel clips with the help of some fancy computers, Allen did it here first with good old opticals. It apparently took a lot of hard work and effort, but the visuals here are far more strking and funny than those of Gump. Mia Farrow plays a doctor who wants to cure Leonard of his affliction (he can turn into anyone because he has self-image problems) and ultiamtely falls in love with him. During one portion of the therapy, Zelig is placed under hypnosis where he tells Farrow how much he hates her pancakes. There’s also a zippy tune called “Doing The Chameleon” that sticks in your mind for long afterward. This is definitely one of Allen’s forays into the esoteric, and like Stardust Memories, not everyone loves it, but it’s one of those experiments that paid off and became more well-loved years later.

5. Radio Days – Allen only narrates this feature, a terrific memoir of his childhood days when the radio was everything and nobody knew what a TV really was. For those of us who were born far too late to have experienced any of it, it can certainly make you want to have been there and lived through the times. Lots of great performances here, with the best probably coming from Dianne Wiest, who plays Woody’s good-timing Aunt Bea. Mia Farrow also excels here, putting forth her best comedic performance ever as Sally White who has a really thick Noo Yawk accent. Her diction lessons are hilarious, and when she finally does overcome her affliction, she gets to sing one of the best fictional jingles ever, “Get Regular With ReLax”, for a laxative commercial. Decoder rings, nostalgia, and a killer soundtrack of really great old pop tunes make this a must.

Box Office Roundup: God puts his foot down

Based on Monday’s estimates:

1) The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe : $32.8 million ($224.8 million, fourth weekend)
Curious that the lion wasn’t named Scott since, if the people who are pounding our other posts are any indication, Scott Stapp is apparently God.
2) King Kong: $31.5 million ($174.3 million, third weekend)
Shhhh. Don’t tell anyone, but Naomi Watts was freaking awesome in this.
3) Fun with Dick and Jane: $21 million ($64.5 million, second weekend)
Well, there’s two thirds of the budget back. The last third is the hardest, though. Just ask “The Legend of Zorro.”
4) Cheaper by the Dozen 2: $19.3 million ($55.1 million, second weekend)
Still nothing to say about this, except that between this and “The Pink Panther,” Steve Martin is a dirty, dirty whore.
5) Rumor Has It…: $11.6 million ($26.7 million, second weekend)
Hi, I’d like a movie about some ‘60s Hollywood in-joke that no one outside of the 90028 zip code could possibly relate to, please.

DVD shuffle: 01/03/06 – New Year Edition

Ringing in the New Year on DVD this week:

1) Wedding Crashers – BUY: It’s been a long time since an R-rated comedy has done so well at the box office, and the unrated version (with an additional 8 minutes of footage) will surely be funnier, or at least raunchier.

2) Broken Flowers – RENT: Fans of director Jim Jarmusch will undoubtedly love his latest drama/comedy starring Bill Murray. Everybody else, however, will not.

3) The Cave – PASS: Do you really need a reason NOT to see this film? Okay… then click the link.

4) Dumb and Dumber: Unrated Edition – BUY: For those of you who still don’t own this movie need to run out and pick up this copy, but there’s not enough special features on the single-disc release to warrant replacing your older copy. A handful of alternated scenes and endings just isn’t a big enough selling point. Where are the commentary tracks by Carrey and Daniels?

I need some exorcising myself

Yes, well, I got around to renting The Exorcism of Emily Rose from Netflix and watched it last night. What can I say? Not scary at all, but a decent amount of suspense, I suppose. It was certainly better than that horrid turd The Skeleton Key, which was neither scary nor suspenseful and yet another fine example of Kate Hudson wasting any remaining talent on pure crap.

Anyway, I noticed I had rented the “unrated” version of this flick and couldn’t figure out what the hell could have been in it that made it an unrated cut. It’s a pretty tame horror flick by any standards, and the special effects are pretty much all dished out in one minute of the movie. If you ever saw the trailer, you pretty much saw the “scary” parts and all their effects, in other words. My problem with the scares was that they relied too much on slamming doors and quick jump cuts to something loud that wasn’t scary. Cheap seat jumpers.

But the damn thing ran too long at 119 minutes, and being “based on” a true story, I could only feel that once again some serious shit used to go down in the ’70s (1976 was when the actual tale the film is based on took place). We need fresh exorcism stories, people. Fresh scares. Enough with mining old crap and rehashing even more of it into new remakes. The original Amityville Horror was lame enough. A new version wasn’t needed. I didn’t waste me time on that, thankfully.

I do think it would be good, however, if a really gory flick came out that wasn’t made by Rob Zombie that featured a soundtrack by Christopher Cross. Could you imagine how rockin’ that would be? Someone getting an axe to the chest and Cross bleating out a love song. Someone get the studios on the phone.

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