True, the Paramount panel was a hard act to follow, but Lionsgate wrote its own fate when it decided that over-the-top antics made for a more interesting presentation. Unfortunately, I wasn’t hyped about any of the four films spotlighted, and so sitting through two hours of really strange behavior (more on that later) and boring Q&As (moderated by some tool from Fox News) left me rather unimpressed.
“Good Luck Chuck” (guests: Dane Cook, Jessica Alba and Mark Helfrich)
Despite my aforementioned gripes, the first panel of the day actually kicked off in style when Dane Cook was introduced to thunderous applause. After cracking a few jokes (and the moderator chimed in with a joke of his own… about virgins… which received many boos), Cook set up the first clip of the day. The sexual subject matter of the minute-long clip led the moderator to asking the comic whether the movie featured any special effects. To which Cook replied:
“Yep, my penis was CGI, actually. It’s made into a lightsaber. (laughs) Every time it gets hard, it goes (lightsaber sound). Glows red.”
The moderator then questioned “What about…” before Cook cut back in stating. “What about my own penis? Nine and half inches. Wide.”
So what does all this have to do with Comic-Con? Not a whole lot, but after seeing presentations for “Hot Rod” and “Drillbit Taylor” only an hour before, it looks like the raucous comedy genre has found a home among the world of geeks. Of course, it also helps when you’ve got Jessica Alba on hand, and boy did she make an entrance.
It’s no secret that Jessica Alba has been declared the Sexiest Woman Alive in just about every magazine and website across the country at some point in time, and while I’ve never been one to argue, drooling over the actress while watching her on the big screen is nothing compared to seeing her in real life. The woman isn’t just beautiful; she’s a goddess – a fact further evidenced when a mob of horny young men rushed the stage for the chance to get a good shot. Here are some more highlights from panel:
*Jessica apparently chipped a tooth during a kissing scene with Dane. That tooth has since been replaced.
*Jessica doesn’t have a favorite movie of hers, but Dane cook sure does: “Honey,” because “[he] want[s] to meet [her] down at the cen-tah.”
*When a man dressed like Optimus Prime asked Dane whether he’d ever appear in a comic book movie, Dane replied: “I’m actually gonna be in a live-action coming out. We’re doing ‘Marmaduke.’ I will be Marmaduke, so look for that in summer of 2011.
*Not more than a minute passed when a different attendee asked Dane if he was going to be in the next “Fantastic 4” movie. Dane’s response? “I’m gonna be doing ‘Marmaduke.’ I think we covered that shit, dude.”
“3:10 to Yuma” (guests: Ben Foster and Peter Fonda)
A western starring Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, Ben Foster and Peter Fonda sounds pretty damn cool to me, but this movie has no place at Comic-Con. And just as I expected the panel for the film not only went incredibly long, but it was also pretty damn boring. It’s a shame, since I’m a big fan of Ben Foster and, well, Peter Fonda is a legend, but the former didn’t seem to even want to be there, while Fonda spent most of the time blabbing on about how cold the desert is. Not incredibly mind-blowing stuff, and I was just as happy when the damn thing ended.
“Midnight Meat Train” (guests: Clive Barker, Bradley Cooper, Vinnie Jones, Leslie Bibb and Ryuhei Kitamura)
By far the strangest panel of the weekend, Clive Barker appeared on stage with the cast of his new film, and I must say, the guy was either stoned, drunk, or both. Based on the graphic novel about a man who kills people on a subway train in order to use their bodies as meat, “Midnight Meat Train” is going to experience some difficulty at the box office. Described as an intense (and graphic) horror flick, I can’t imagine the movie will do very good. And after being forced to sit through Barker’s 10-minute long rant about how he came up with the title (two words: marijuana cookies), and watching the disturbing world premiere trailer, I can’t say I’m too jazzed for it either.
Bradley Cooper can do better than this, as can Vinnie Jones, who provided the only real entertainment of the panel by doing a hilarious impersonation of the horror legend. It was definitely tasteless, and yet Barker was so out of it that he didn’t even seem to mind; or notice, for that matter. So what did I learn about this movie? Well, not much, but Barker did talk an awful lot about said cookies his personal nightmares, and his upcoming projects, while co-star Leslie Bibb acted as the enforcer of the group, helping Barker with his chronic memory loss several times throughout the course of the presentation. To say the least, it was incredibly embarrassing.
“Saw IV” (guests: Darren Lynn Bousman, Mark Burg and Tobin Bell)
If possible, I was looking even less forward to this panel than the one that preceded it. True, I’m not a particularly big horror fan. In fact, I hate most horror movies I see unless it’s got vampires or zombies, but there’s not a single franchise in Hollywood (horror or not) that needs to be ended more than Twisted Pictures’ “Saw” series. Director Darren Lynn Bousman and producer Mark Burg only seemed to further the point during the moderated Q&A, bashing critics for their bias towards the films and calling out the MPAA for giving the latest installment an NC-17.
They then proceeded to show some “rough” footage from the film (not the clip they wanted, because Comic-Con rejected it – boo hoo), and I don’t care how rough the cut may have been, because the clip was freaking stupid. I was glad to hear that Bousman would finally be leaving the franchise after the release of the fourth film, because his future projects are certainly eye raising. First up is the rock opera “Repo,” which he promises to be even more deranged than any of the four “Saw” films, while it was also slipped he would be directing a remake of “Scanners.” And no, this is not a joke. One, two, three… sigh.
Since I had already seen the film at a word of mouth screening earlier this month, I was less interested in the “exclusive” clip (a blatant parody of sports training montages like “Footloose” and “Gymkata”) the Lonely Island Boys brought with them than the Q&A that followed. Aside from Samberg’s expected antics (i.e. giving the microphone a blowjob and making funny faces in the monitor), the Boys also talked about making the jump from internet shorts to feature films, as well the origins of “Dick in a Box.” Here are some highlights from the panel:
Codenamed “Cloverfield,” the Comic-Con audience wasn’t expecting much from the hush-hush Bad Robot monster project, but we were at least expecting Abrams to give us a title. Instead, all we got was yet another poster reveal, as well as the promise of a monster made exclusively for Americans to call their own. Apparently, King Kong isn’t cool enough, and though we’ve tried our best at importing “Godzilla” throughout the years, it’s come at the expense of absolute embarrassment. That doesn’t make me trust Abrams any less, however, and I can’t wait to find out what this freaking thing looks like.
After the “Iron Man” panel was moved to Saturday as part of the Marvel Studios presentation, all people were expecting today was a quick message from director Jon Favreau to whet our appetites for the events to come. He offered a quick greeting and then showed off some “early animation tests,” which ended up being a clip of an old “Iron Man” cartoon from the ’70s. Then, to everyone’s surprise, Favreau appeared on stage with a video camera declaring that he wanted to catch the audience’s reaction and put it up on YouTube. In all seriousness, the visit was a welcome surprise, but when he announced that he’d be showing off early footage of the movie, well, everybody went absolutely nuts. And for good reason too.
This was being as the biggest presentation of the day – with the hope that Abrams would release a full/partial cast list – but instead, all we learned is what many already knew: “Heroes” star Zachary Quinto had been cast in the role of Spock. The perfect choice if you ask me, and as you can see from the photos above (as Leonard Nimoy joined the panel with the announcement that he do would be donning the infamous ears one last time), the similarities are mind-blowing. That was the only major announcement in regards to casting, though, except for a brief mention that, despite recent rumors, Abrams desperately wants to find a role for William Shatner. With the release more than a year away, though, you can expect some awesome footage when the crew of the USS Enterprise roll back through town for Comic-Con ’08.
