Category: Movies (Page 405 of 498)

My wife was absolutely dumbfounded when I told her that I’d managed to spend 37 years on this planet without ever having seen Wes Craven’s “Deadly Friend,” but it’s true. In fact, not only had I never seen it, but I didn’t even know the first thing about it; it didn’t ring even the slightest bell when she gave me a one-line synopsis – teenage whiz kid uses his knowledge of robotics to try and bring his dead girlfriend back to life – and given that that’s the kind of plot that would’ve immediately grabbed the attention of the complete geek that I was in 1986, I really don’t know how I possibly could’ve missed it.

Now that I’ve finally seen it, though, I wish I had seen it back then; unfortunately, I say that because, at times, it feels far more like a historical artifact than a horror film.

Okay, so you’ve got a rough idea what the movie’s about, but here’s how the box text spells it out: “Lonely teenage genius Paul (Matthew Laborteaux), a specialist in brain research, has two best friends: his remarkable robot BB and the beautiful girl next door (Kristy Swanson). When tragedy strikes both his friends, he desperately tries to save them both by pushing technology beyond its mortal limits into a terrifying new realm. Like a modern-day Dr. Frankenstein, Paul discovers too late that he has created a rampaging monster.”

As “Deadly Friend” begins, you’re introduced to BB the Robot, and all I could think about was Number Five in “Short Circuit.” Or the Ro-Boz from “Riptide.” Or, y’know, pretty much any big-ass, non-streamlined robot from the ‘80s. BB’s got a wacky voice that sounds a little bit like Gizmo the Mogwai, which comes courtesy of Charles Fleischer (he also voiced Roger Rabbit), and we’re given the impression from the get-go that he’s on the verge of outgrowing his programming, which means that we won’t be surprised if he suddenly kills someone. That turns out to be a red herring, though…as is the suspicion that when Samantha (Swanson) finally meets her doom, Paul’s gonna somehow transfer her brain into BB. Alas, the poor robot gets shot all to hell by the neighborhood crazy lady, Elvira Parker – played by Anne Ramsey, who fit this role into her schedule between her roles in “The Goonies” and “Throw Mama from the Train” – but there’s definitely a Frankenstein element to the tale when, after Sam’s abusive father pushes her down the stairs and she breaks her neck, Paul takes BB’s chip and puts it into her brain in order to bring her back to life…and since I’m sure you were wondering, why, yes, things do go horribly awry!

For the most part, “Deadly Friend” plays like your average teenage flick, which is due in no small part to the decidedly average acting of Laborteaux, who’s forced to carry the film whenever Swanson isn’t around but is rather less than enthralling as a big-screen presence. As for his co-star, she’s charming and cute during her scenes prior to her death, but for the rest of the film, she’s forced to stalk around silently, wearing really dark eyeshadow to remind us that she’s only one step above corpsedom. (Good thing she’s got expressive eyes!) It’s the interesting premise that keeps us watching, though, along with curiosity about how it’ll be resolved; unfortunately, the film goes on for about two minutes longer than it should have, tacking on what may be the dumbest ending of any ’80s movie ever. Seriously, I was just left sputtering. In fact, here’s an exact transcript: “But…but…there wasn’t…it couldn’t have…she wasn’t…oh, God, that’s fucking dumb!”

Of course, even in one of his lesser films, Wes Craven still manages to produce two death scenes that made the film worth seeing.

• Sam bends her father’s hand back, throws him against the boiler in the basement, and snaps his neck like the proverbial twig…and when Paul finally discovers them, Sam’s got her father’s body lying so that his head is lying inside the boiler, where it’s just smoking and sizzling away amongst the flames. Mmm-mmm, nothing smells loving like Daddy’s head in the oven…

• When Sam breaks into Elvira Parker’s house to extract her revenge and to get back the basketball Parker swiped, Sam kills two birds with one stone by throwing the ball so hard at Elvira’s head that it fucking explodes.

Okay, okay, don’t twist my arm, here’s the YouTube clip of the latter:

So now I can scratch “Deadly Friend” off my list of ’80s Movies I’ve Never Seen…and, in an odd moment of serendipity, I can also finally scratch “basketball” off my list of Things I’ve Seen People Killed By In Movies.

Wow, this is the best Thursday ever!

Amicus Productions often sat in the shadow of its better known countryman, Hammer Studios, but horror film aficionados will concede without hesitation that both firms provided the world with plenty of hours of chills, screams, and general creepiness, often even utilizing the same actors. (In particular, Peter Cushing and Christopher Lee proved to be familiar faces in both camps.) If there’s one thing that Amicus tended to specialize in over Hammer, however, it was in the field of horror anthologies, offering up classics like “Doctor Terror’s House of Horrors,” “Asylum,” “Tales from the Crypt,” “The Vault of Horror” a.k.a. “Tales from the Crypt II,” and…wait for it…“From Beyond the Grave.”

Yes, I’m well aware that, given that the title of the film was listed right in the title of the posting, that wasn’t exactly the most shocking reveal. But it felt right, dammit.

British horror films from the late 1960s and early 1970s are almost always a joy to watch, if only because…and I’ve said this before, but I know others who agree with my theory as well…there’s something about a British accent that makes even the most preposterous dialogue sound like the God’s honest truth. Additionally, the Brits have always had a dark and nasty streak to their humor, which invariably shows up within the short and sweet tales of these anthologies.

There are four tales within “From Beyond the Grave”: “The Gate Crasher,” “An Act of Kindness,” “The Elemental,” and “The Door.” Each story has been taken from author Ronald Chetwynd-Hayes’ 1971 collection of short stories entitled “The Unbidden.” The foursome are all interlinked via an antique shop which is curated by none other than Grand Moff Tarkin himself, Peter Cushing; in most cases, the reason for the characters to enter the shop is at best only tangentially related to their tale, but it hardly matters, since it’s mostly just fun to see the pale-as-a-corpse Cushing shuffle around the shop, sneaking up on his customers and asking them if he can help them find anything.

“From Beyond the Grave” stars David Warner as Edward Charlton, a man who tricks Cushing into selling him an antique mirror at a highly discounted price by claiming it to be a fake; perhaps unsurprisingly, however, Edward gets his just desserts when the mirror turns out to be inhabited by an evil spirit who need fresh blood in order to get his strength up and escape his confinement. During a séance, the spirit possesses Edward and soon sends him out on a nightly basis to bring him another sacrifice, and as a bonus, he has Edward do the actual slaying for him as well; the conclusion is predictable, but Warner’s increased anxiety as the segment progresses makes it worth watching ‘til the bitter end. “The Gate Crasher,” which follows, is probably the most enjoyable of the four segments for several reasons. For one, there’s the cast, which features Donald Pleasance, Angela Pleasance (yes, she’s his daughter, both in real life and in the film), and Ian Bannen, a husband who’s forever henpecked by his wife, played by the voluptuous Diana Dors; for another, however, it offers a legitimately unexpected conclusion and a darkly funny closing line from Mr. Pleasance.

(Unrelated sidebar: many Americans aren’t aware of Diana Dors, but Anglophile music fans may recognize her from appearances on The Beatles’ Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band and The Smiths’ Singles, which is how I came to know her name. What I didn’t know until very recently, however, was the story of her secret fortune and how it reports remains hidden somewhere out there, just waiting to be found by the person who can crack the code she left behind before her death in 1984.)

“The Elemental,” which stars Ian Carmichael as a man with something decidedly larger than a chip on his shoulder, will make fans of the “Harry Potter” films laugh out loud, as Margaret Leighton plays a spiritualist who will instantly remind them of Emma Thompson’s take on Professor Trelawney; indeed, the similarity is so profound that you can’t help but draw the connection. Lastly, “The Door” features Ian Ogilvy and Lesley-Anne Down as a young couple who find that their new residence has an unfortunate connection with the late Sir Michael Sinclair, who’d prefer not to be quite so late any longer.

The film comes to a conclusion by returning to Cushing and giving him a few moments to shine, presumably in a scene unique to the movie (i.e. not something composed by Chetwynd-Hayes), but it probably isn’t much of a spoiler to suggest that when he’s accosted by a gentleman who intends to rob the shop, something rather untoward occurs to the would-be thief.

Immediately thereafter, he addresses the camera directly:

“Aye, customers, come in, come in; I’m sure I have the very thing to tempt you. Lots of bargains, all tastes catered for…oh, and a big novelty surprise comes with every purchase. Do come in, any time. I’m always open.”

It’s an offer you can’t resist, really.

When I helped pull together Bullz-Eye’s piece on TV transitions, which examined actors who tried but failed to make the transition from the small screen to the big screen, it turns out that there was at least one name that flew completely under my radar, possibly because her first shot as a leading lady turned out to be her last: Lauren Tewes, a.k.a. cruise director Julie McCoy on “The Love Boat.”

I’m not saying that Tewes’ lone headlining role in the 1981 slasher flick, “Eyes of a Stranger,” was necessarily bad enough to warrant such a sudden and dramatic conclusion to her career as a Hollywood leading lady…but, well, there’s a reason why the film is mostly remembered not for Tewes’s contributions but, rather, for the fact that the film served to introduce the world to Jennifer Jason Leigh. At the very least, it’s not going out on a limb to suggest that, even then, Leigh had the edge when it comes to range…but, then, you’ll see what I mean when you read about her character.

Tewes plays newscaster Jane Harris, who seems particularly stricken by the recent attacks on women by a nasty character who’s strangling and sexually molesting his victims. At first, it seems as though Jane’s concerns exist because she’s so protective of her deaf and blind sister (Leigh), but it soon becomes evident that there’s a horrible secret in her past which has raised her fear level. When she discovers who the guilty party is, Jane decides to play the “I Know What You Did” card by calling him and threatening him, which inevitably leads to a confrontation. The film’s gore effects are provided by the legendary Tom Savini, who offers particularly nice results to a decapitation (the head ends up floating in an aquarium), and director Ken Wiederhorn does manage to provide a few scares in the darkness, but, overall, the film’s only the slightest step up from TV movie fare. If you took away the nudity and gore, you’d find that the plot and dialogue wouldn’t even make the cut for a Lifetime production. Leigh obviously impressed someone with her work on “Eyes of a Stranger” – wow, she’s deaf and blind, but she can still make toast and coffee! – but given that Tewes slinked back to the Pacific Princess and Wiederhorn’s next project was “Meatballs 2,” it’s clear that Leigh was the only one.

In closing, we’re stuck with another film without a trailer available, so let’s watch the video for The Payola$’ song, “Eyes of a Stranger.” Paul Hyde + Bob Rock = an awesome ’80s Canadian rock song. Okay, maybe not awesome…but it’s still better than the movie that shares its title.