Category: Humor (Page 70 of 74)

Spike Lee eats Urkel

Former child star Jaleel White, who played uberdweeb Steve Urkel on TV’s “Family Matters” for eight years, appears to have been eaten by polarizing filmmaker Spike Lee:

fattylee

It is unclear whether White, whose whereabouts have been unknown ever since we failed to look for them, and the iconoclastic director had an ongoing feud, or whether Lee simply devoured the young actor in an effort to “keep it real” by feeding on the next generation of African-American talent.

It’s still early in the year for Lee to be embarking upon the legendary Clooney/De Niro “Eating for Oscars” diet (which hasn’t been proven to work for directors, anyway), but it is possible the maverick auteur was looking to get an extra head start on influencing the Academy, based on positive reviews of his latest film, “Inside Man.” Asked to comment on the controversy, Lee simply squealed “Did I do that?” in an annoyingly nasal, high-pitched voice, pulled his high-water pants well above his natural waistline, and walked away.

Upset couples: a rating system

We’ve all seen upsets in the NCAA tournament. Who can forget #15-seed Santa Clara overcoming a 25-0 run to beat Arizona in 1993? But what about romantic upsets? You know, the schlubby guy with the model wife. They’re everywhere on TV, from sitcoms to commercials. But these upsets happen in real life and you need a way to describe the upset couple to your buddies without actually having to rate the guy. Because rating a man’s looks is not a very heterosexual thing to do.

Here’s an example:

12/5 – Sharon (Gwenyth Paltrow) and Hal (Jack Black) from “Shallow Hal”

The favorite is clear, but the spunky 12-seed often finds a way to win. We see these kinds of upsets all the time, so they’re not too surprising.

Click the link for more details.

Ron White hearts Dane Cook. No wait, scratch that… he hates Dane Cook

A friend of Ron White’s tells him that Ron’s girlfriend said sometimes, she just wanted to stab him. Then the friend tried to soften the blow by saying, “Well, she was drunk.” Ron says, “Fuck, that’s the only time I tell the truth!”

Though it was only 10:00 in the morning on the west coast when Bullz-Eye chatted with Ron White, he must have been drunk, because he positively lays into Dane Cook towards the end of the conversation. A sample:

BE: Mitch Hedberg seems to be one of those comedians’ comedian. Dane Cook was talking about how much he loved him, and…

RW: Who?

BE: Dane Cook?

RW: Who’s that?

BE: Dane Cook is a wildly popular comedian. He’s a Boston guy, but he spends a lot of time in L.A. He just hosted “Saturday Night Live” recently. Very manic, funny guy. Very nice. He was pretty broken up about Mitch Hedberg as well.

RW: Did he know him?

BE: Not intimately. I think they were acquaintances, but I don’t know if it was any deeper than that.

RW: I was kidding, I know who Dane Cook is.

BE: I was gonna say, I was hoping you were pulling my leg.

RW: (He) does not make me laugh, at all, in any way, shape or form.

BE: Huh.

RW: It looks like smoke and mirrors. But it works for him, so…

White goes on to call Cook out for exaggerating about his album sales, putting down the Blue Collar guys, and putting himself in the same league as Bill Cosby. Harsh stuff, but he also takes the time to send some love to Lisa Lampanelli, Jim Gaffigan, and even found nice things to say about the girl who wanted to stab him; apparently, she could suck a golf ball through a straw, which is a pretty valuable skill for a woman to possess if she’s nuts.

You can read the full interview here.

Well, his breasts ARE tastier!

Oh, that Pam Anderson, always finding a way to put herself in the news when she feels no one’s staring at her anymore. Seems she’s gone off the deep end and has demanded that a bust of Colonel Sanders be removed from the state Capitol. Her jealousy raging over those succulent breasts with 11 secret herbs and spices, I can only imagine that she and the rest of the people backing this action are demanding separation of chicken and state (ba doom ching). She claims the bust is a “monument to cruelty.” How ironic, considering her bust is the exact same thing given how many times it’s changed over the years.

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