Category: Humor (Page 51 of 74)

New Sitcom Pulls Back The Envelope

Man, I love The Onion.

LOS ANGELES—Fox network executives excited about the ground-mending situation comedy Family House, which will debut this fall, told reporters Monday that the program has pulled back the envelope on modern television, and is sure to give viewers a “30-minute Ferris-wheel ride.”

“Unbuckle your seat belts, America, we’re already here,” said cocreator and executive producer Kimberly Hodge, who touted the show’s traditional three-camera setup and nuclear-family cast as “as nothing you’ve never seen before.” “Our team of veteran writers is committed to bringing you only the kinds of basic conflicts, wildly predictable twists, and fast, easy resolutions you’ve come to expect from network television.”

Hodge added that executives are equally pleased with their new action drama, Crime Unit, whose formulaic structure and conservative cinematography has kept test audiences “on the backs of their seats.”

The new Harry Potter book came out this weekend (yawn)

Excuse me if I’m a little unimpressed by the frenzy surrounding the release of J.K. Rowling’s seventh (and final) book in the Potter series, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I grew up in the ‘80s playing Dungeons & Dragons in the basement of my suburban Milwaukee home with my older sister and her high school friends. Actually, it was Advanced Dungeons & Dragons, but that’s a small distinction to outsiders. Since then, when I tell people that I used to play D&D, the spectrum of reactions ranges from mild surprise to veritable shock, and there usually is some grammar school-style teasing soon to follow.

But I really don’t care; D&D was a great pastime for me. It forced me to use my imagination, work with numbers, strategize with my friends about the best way to complete a mission, and accept (and even embrace) the diversity that is in the D&D world. Gary Gygax, the creator of Dungeons & Dragons, built the game with J.R.R. Tolkien’s Middle-earth in mind. So during my childhood, I used magic (and my trusty two-handed sword) to fight orcs, dragons, trolls, and countless other monsters. In fact, there was a whole book of creatures to fight, called the Monster Manual. Man, I loved that book.

Go ahead, call me a geek. I don’t blame you. Like anything new, when it burst onto the scene, D&D was welcomed with skepticism and hostility. Remember the made for TV movie, “Mazes & Monsters,” (starring young Tom Hanks) which was loosely based on a mother’s opinion that D&D was responsible for her son’s suicide? That represented the crest of the anti-D&D movement, and even had some people calling the game a “cult.”

So what does this all have to do with Harry Potter? The same people that were criticizing D&D in the ‘80s are the ones waiting in line to fork over $20 for the latest Rowling tome, which features a young man in a fantasy world who uses (gasp!) magic to fight all sorts of different creatures. How has Harry succeeded in worming his way into America’s heart when D&D could not? Rowling was wise to set Harry’s universe in our world, so there was just enough reality to keep everyone happy. After all, Harry’s world isn’t middle-Earth, it’s just plain old Earth.

I’ll admit that the movies are getting progressively better. The first two chapters (helmed by Chris Columbus) were basically kid’s movies with their heavy-handed shots of Harry’s childhood nemesis, Draco Malfoy, grinning when things were going his way and frowning when things were not. It’s nice to see the movies grow up with Harry.

I haven’t yet cracked a Potter book – maybe I’ll do so when I have a child of my own to read to. I have fond memories of my mom reading C.S. Lewis’ The Chronicles of Narnia to me every night. That’s probably what’s going on in households across America right now, and if that’s the case, maybe Harry Potter isn’t such a bad thing.

But y’all are late to the party.

Have you seen this man?

His name is Steven Chupnick. He is the Managing Editor of the website JewReview.net…and he has never seen a “Star Wars” film.

Never.

Not one of them.

As you can imagine, this man, who otherwise appears to be a fine, upstanding member of society, was properly lambasted by his peers (including me) for this shameful omission from his list of life experiences. Of course, we’d all been drinking by this point of the evening – we’d just finished up a night at the Friar’s Club, where we sat around sipping Old Fashioneds and watching Jeff Goldblum play piano with the rest of his jazz quintet – so it got a bit rough. I believe the phrases “how can you even function in society” and “where do you hide your antennae” were bandied about, not to mention the inevitable “omigod, that’s just fucking crazy!” (I believe I said something to the effect of, “So, when you score that interview with Harrison Ford for ‘Indy 4,’ will you say, ‘Now what’s this I hear about you being in ‘The Star Wars’?”)

Still, at least one writer…I believe it was Kevin Kelly, from GeneralRubbish.com…said wistfully, “Y’know, I actually envy you a little bit, because you can still experience them for the first time; I wish I could do that.”

Of course, this is after he’d yelled, “That’s not even normal!” So let’s not give anyone too much credit.

Anyway, I basically only post this because A) it’s funny, B) it’s actually a little surprising, and C) at the time of his omission, I pulled out my camera and said, “I didn’t think people like you existed; I’m gonna need to have photographic proof when I write about this, because otherwise no-one’s gonna believe me when I tell them I’ve met someone who’s never, ever seen a ‘Star Wars’ film.” But, by God, NOW they will!

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