Category: Humor (Page 49 of 74)

Was Axel Foley gay?

Bill Simmons (a.k.a. “The Sports Guy”) writes for ESPN, but occasionally his column delves into the entertainment world. Here’s his theory about Axel Foley (of the “Beverly Hills Cop” trilogy), and whether or not he was gay.

During breaks in the Skins-Hawks game, I was flicking over to “Beverly Hills Cop” on one of the HD channels, and maybe it was seeing Jenny Summers’ come-hither smirk in high definition for the first time, but how did I never notice the smoldering sexual tension in the scene when Axel brings his old friend Jenny back to his Beverly Hills hotel room and she lays down on his bed and bats her eyelashes at him for a couple of minutes? For God’s sake, she did everything but take her clothes off and assume the missionary position, and yet Axel was more interested in ordering room service for Taggart and Rosewood. I don’t get it.

Which leads me to my $64,000 question: Was Axel Foley secretly gay?

In the first two “Cop” movies (I refuse to admit that “Cop 3” happened), Axel didn’t have a girlfriend, and we never saw him hook up with a single girl. In “Cop 1,” he convincingly pretended to be Victor Maitlin’s lover in a public restaurant. In “Cop 2,” he ruined what could have been a fantastic time for his buddies at the Playboy Mansion by starting a fight for no real reason with a suspected bank robber. In “Cop 1,” he made Taggart and Rosewood follow him to a strip joint, almost like he was overcompensating, then spent more time looking around the club than looking at the girls. In both “Cop” movies, he ably served as a platonic friend for Jenny and Lt. Bogomil’s daughter (without ever making a move on either of them); he clicked with two obviously gay characters (the ones played by Damon Wayans and Bronson Pinchot); and he loved playing a perverse cat-and-mouse game with Taggart and Rosewood (two guys). And he was willing to risk his job and his life to avenge the murder of his old “buddy” Mikey, who just happened to be coming back to “crash” at Axel’s apartment on the night he was murdered. We’re sure Axel Foley was straight? We’re sure?

Of course, he forgot the biggest clue of all – banana in the tailpipe.

Have you ever found yourself…

…sitting around, killing time ’til you can do an interview with former Harlem Globetrotter Curly Neal?

Sure, we all have!

But if you’re like me, and you find yourself still waiting for Neal to call you over 30 minutes after the scheduled interview time because he’s running a little behind schedule (probably because he’s such a nice guy that he can’t bring himself to cut off any of the journalists who want to talk to him), you’ll eventually turn to YouTube to keep yourself occupied…and if you do end up doing that, may I recommend this clip from the 1974 Saturday morning variety show, “The Harlem Globetrotters Popcorn Machine”?

Yes, I know: Rodney Allen Rippy and Avery Schrieber? For those of us who are fans of both Jack in the Box spokesmen and “My Mother The Car,” it truly is a dream come true.

You thought clown dolls were frightening?

Clearly, the Carol Channing ventriloquist doll – which my wife accidentally stumbled upon while doing some online Christmas shopping – exists on a whole other level of fright entirely.

I’d love to have been in on the sales meetings which led to this particular item being green-lighted as a J.C. Penney’s exclusive. I like to think it took place in a board room filled with cigar smoke, and that someone referred to Ms. Channing as “an alright dame,” but for as much thought as I’ve put into this, I still can’t work out the logistics of how it got to the point where someone said, “So it’s decided, then: the world needs a ventriloquist’s doll that looks like Carol Channing, and J.C. Penney needs, nay, deserves the exclusive sales rights!” At first, I thought maybe it had something to do with the licensing issues which forced them to scrap the Liza Minnelli model, but then I got stuck wondering when the words “Carol Channing” and “ventriloquism” became synonymous.

Ah, it’s probably best that neither of us dwell on it, so let’s just sit back, watch this video of the doll in action, and then drop back by tomorrow to leave a comment about what kind of nightmares resulted.

Nothing says “happy holidays” quite like…

Now, mind you, we can’t tell you where to find a copy of this elusive piece of LucasFilm lore, but if you happen to already have a copy, you’ll want to head over to Mike Nelson’s RiffTrax right now and be prepared to spend $3.99 to download the newly-recorded audio commentary for the special by Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett, a.k.a. The Film Crew.

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