He hasn’t started shoplifting. And it’s not his new goth hairdo–which makes him look more like Clay Aiken via k.d. lang, anyway. No, Jared has been crowned the new Winona because he just can’t seem to keep himself from seducing all the hot new names in Hollywood…no matter where they’ve been.
Granted, Winona mostly restricts herself to grungy musician types (think Dave Pirner, Evan Dando, Dave Grohl, and Beck…among many, many, many, many, many others)…but aren’t rock stars about as Hollywood as they come? And don’t forget, she’s the real reason behind that “Wino Forever” tattoo on the arm of one Johnny Depp, once the king of young Hollywood.
As for Jared, we cut him plenty of slack when he was linked with Cameron Diaz back in the day. Who wouldn’t want to hit that? We gave him a waiver for his dalliance with Scarlett Johannsen for the same reason.
But Jared has also been linked with the likes of a pre-K-Fed Britney Spears; Ashley Olsen; Lindsay Lohan…and, most recently, Jessica Simpson.
The expression “a kid in a candy store” comes to mind…but Jared, just because you can have all the candy you want doesn’t mean you’re supposed to grab the stuff that has fallen on the floor and been passed around the room a few times. Be at least a little choosy. Your body will thank you for it later.
And yet, despite their similarities, Jared is probably the most envied man in Hollywood right now…while Winona is just a dirty, dirty whore.
