Lindsay Lohan’s Frigidaire is rumored to hold at least one item not available in your grocer’s frozen goods aisle: her recently removed appendix.
According to reports, Lohan demanded that hospital officials turn over the appendix because she was afraid it would end up being auctioned off on eBay. Rather than let this happen, Lohan intends to hold on to her appendix until she finds someone who will agree to trade it for a brand new liver.
Despite reports that he was spotted sharing a cozy dinner with the buxom “Borat” star at the Valley Inn restaurant in Sherman Oaks California recently, Clooney maintains that he hasn’t seen Anderson in seven years, and has never been to the restaurant in question.
We tend to believe Mr. Clooney, as we ran a statistical analysis of the likelihood of any individual going from Kid Rock to George Clooney in just one step on the dating scale, and once all the data had been submitted, our computer laughed at us and then blew itself to bits.
According to an “exclusive” report from Us Weekly, “American Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe recently contacted Courtney Love to see whether she’d be interested in “sitting in as a judge” on the popular Fox phenomenon. It’s likely Lythgoe was only inquiring about a guest-judge stint for Love…but rumors are now swirling that he is considering replacing frequently woozy, slurry-of-speech perma-judge Paula Abdul with the brazen rocker.
These rumors can’t possibly be true — watch this clip for at least a dozen reasons why Courtney Love should never be placed in a position of prominence on a program that draws flocks of preteen girls — but they’re fun to think about, just the same.
Imagine what might happen the first time Simon and Courtney disagree on something: I smell a new product placement segment for Neosporin, Ace Bandages, or Hollywood’s crack (pun intended) EMT squad.
And just imagine Ryan Seacrest trying to say anything to Courtney. Anything at all. You can’t, can you? Because he’d never have the c-c-c-courage. One raised eyebrow from the former Mrs. Cobain, and Ryan dives behind that red Coca-Cola couch, quivering like a Chihuahua.
So, no: Chances are, Paula’s drunken slurring will probably not be replaced with Courtney’s drug-addled babbling any time soon…but it would certainly make for arresting television. Literally.
Looking to fall in love again, 48-year-old actor Alec Baldwin indicated in a recent interview with Glamour magazine that he is open to the idea of meeting women online.
Of course, he realizes that it may be difficult to maintain his anonymity while doing so, given that most dating sites require a photo. No word yet on how Baldwin plans to solve that problem, but inside sources tell us the screen names he’s considering using on match.com include “CoffeeIsForClosers,” “SNLSchwettyBalls,” and “NoMoreMrBasinger.”
“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. Hate me for ever cutting my hair.”
The former “Felicity” star and her fiancé, contractor Shane Deary, are expecting their first child this summer, People magazine reports. No word yet on a specific due date or on the child’s gender…but rest assured that, boy or girl, the newborn will emerge from the womb with blindingly beautiful hair, instantly winning the hearts of all who survey it.
However, following its first haircut, the child will be completely ignored.
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