Remember a few days ago when I was trumpeting the virtues of Showtime’s “This American Life”? Well, now, there are clips available from my favorite episode, about the dude from Oxo. Check ’em out here and here.
Oh, and – possibly not coincidentally – Oxo suddenly now has their own MySpace page, where you can relive all your “Whirly Girl” memories.
In the space of about two minutes, Jack Bauer dropped a guy with a sharp jab to the back of his knees, and then broke his neck. He then shot and killed about five or six hostiles, all of whom were much better armed than he was. Lastly, he fought hand to hand with Abu Fayed in a slugfest that involved a pipe to the forearm, stabbing, biting off flesh, a headbutt, and ultimately with Jack hanging Fayed with a chain, a la John McClane in “Die Hard.” “Say hello to your brother,” Jack said, which, curiously enough, is something McClane said in “Die Hard with a Vengeance.”
So will someone please explain to me exactly how Jack lost to Indiana Jones in our Badass Bracket? It seemed like a slam dunk to us that Bauer would lay Junior Jones to waste. Not only that, Jack beds way more women. It just don’t add up, I tells ya! But what do we know: McClane is now facing off against Indiana in the Elite Eight, and Jones is beating him too, though by a very slim margin.
Speaking of Fayed’s death scene, I was just waiting for an acting coach to walk on the set, pull a closed fist to his chest and say, “Aaaaaand, scene.” The whole thing seemed rather abrupt. Wait a minute: did I just see the season finale seven episodes early? What the hell is going on here? And then it hit me: the show’s producers realized that they were just as bored with this whole suitcase nuke thing as we are, so they (quickly, rudely) shifted gears. Now that Jack has the nukes, he must turn them over to the Chinese, or they will kill…the heretofore deceased Audrey Raines. Come on, you knew she wasn’t dead. Her other show was canceled! Of course she’s alive!
But more on that in a second: let’s get to the action in the White House. I’m anointing Wayne Palmer the new nickname of Wheelbarrow Wayne, since he clearly needs a wheelbarrow to carry those elephantine onions of his. He’s playing nuclear chicken with a country known for harboring terrorists? Are you kidding me? We all shook our heads last week at how the dove turned into a vulture, but give them credit: that was easily the ballsiest thing Wheelbarrow Wayne has ever done. It’s like the kill-‘em-all philosophy of Senator Roark, only clever. It was a nice touch. Pity that he’ll probably wind up in a coma within 10 minutes of asking Senator Roark to resign.
As for the CTU melodrama, quoth Phil Collins, I don’t care anymore. Milo gets jealous about a comment Nadia makes towards the Ricker. Morris intervenes. Chloe is marginalized more than ever. Yawn. If I’m Mary Lynn Rajskub, I start looking for a way to get my character in the field and “tragically killed.” Seeing Chloe like this is like watching a relative spend years on life support. She deserves better.
So, back to the Chinese.
Little good can come of this, of course. On the plus side, maybe – maybe – we’ll finally find out what kind of deal Palmer struck with the Chinese in order to secure Jack Bauer’s release. Then again, maybe there was no deal to be struck. Maybe the Chinese were playing both Miss Gredenko and Fayed against each other in order to put the Number One Super Spy in play so that he can inadvertently secure the nukes on their behalf. No, that can’t be right: Wheelbarrow Wayne said early on that he paid a high price to have Jack freed. What was it, dammit? Speaking of dammits, tonight’s episode had the funniest ‘dammit’ ever, as Jack is trying to talk to CTU from the bottom of a sanitation truck. Couldn’t he have just sent them a text message once he realized they couldn’t hear him? Heck, I was watching the Cubs home opener today, which a friend of mine was attending, and when I wanted to tell him something, I didn’t even bother calling him: I just sent him a text message. He, of course, called me back, and I couldn’t understand a damn thing he said.
And once again, we STILL don’t know what’s up with Farmer Hoggett, President Buck buck Brawwwwk, Heidi Petrelli, and Jack Jack. Is there some dangerous liaison between Hoggett, Logan, and the Chinese? Do the producers of “24” know that their precious little moneymaker is running out of gas? Will the movie be finished in time for anyone to care? It’s like watching “Lost”: you may have lost of questions, but good luck getting them answered.
Another hilarious comedy down the drain.
So long, “Andy Barker, P.I.”; we barely knew ye.
It must have been birthday night on HBO, because not only did Tony celebrate his special day on the season premiere of “The Sopranos,” but so did Vincent Chase on “Entourage.” We already knew that Turtle would be in charge of the party planning, so the big question on everybody’s mind was if Vince would actually invite Ari to his big soiree. Some might say that’s not much of a question considering Jeremy Piven’s importance to the success of the series, but after the pair’s fallout at the end of last season, it seemed like we might never see Ari again. At least for a couple episodes anyways.
That wasn’t the case, however, as Ari was quick to strategize on winning back his number one client. It began with an awkward phone call (you know, the kind that a dejected ex-girlfriend has with the boy she’s, like, totally in love with) and ended with an even more awkward face-to-face at the aforementioned birthday party. Of course, the middle is the most important part, as Ari’s birthday gift to Vince was none other than the script for “Medellin,” the much sough-after Pablo Escobar biopic that Vince lost during the “Aquaman 2” scuffle with Warner Brothers. Ari claims that Benecio del Toro’s is about to pull out – despite the fact that Vince’s new agent, Amanda (Carla Gugino), says otherwise – and though he’s been offered a new period drama directed by Sam Mendes, Vince decides to wait it out. Just in case Ari is, for once in his life, telling the truth.
Meanwhile, Turtle discovers a way to actually make money from Vince’s birthday bash (a stroke of genius, really: he gets Victoria’s Secret and Skyy Vodka, among many others, to sponsor it), while Drama obsesses over his new billboard for the Ed Burns pilot that’s been picked up by NBC. It’s called “Five Towns,” and I’ll be damned if it doesn’t look exactly like the recently cancelled “The Black Donnellys.”
Overall, the big premiere wasn’t that great, but it did offer plenty of promise for the final six episodes of the season. Will Vince finally get “Medellin,” or will he lose both projects in the process? Plus, has Ari met his match in Amanda, or does Gugino’s appearance have guest star written all over it? It’s definitely an interesting rivalry, but one that will no doubt blow over much faster than it probably should.
“Woke up this morning, got yourself a gun.” Damn…still the best theme song on TV.
To say that the final run for “The Sopranos” started off with a bang would be a gross understatement. Where David Chase takes these last nine episodes is anybody’s guess, but it certainly looks like we’re headed for some fireworks.
I’m not real sure what the point of the “popcorn fart” weapons charge was, unless it helps push the FBI’s RICO case against Tony over the top. Still, the fact that he dumped the gun in question nearly three years ago in a snowy field would seem to make it pretty unlikely that this weapons charge would gain much traction at all. Now, if Bobby, who finally popped his cherry in this episode, was foolish enough to use hollow-tip bullets when he whacked the dude in the laundry mat (after Janice told him to get rid of any hollow-tip bullets he had, no less), then maybe there’s some connection here to Tony, but even that seems like a major stretch.
Of course, the main story in this premiere episode was the brawl between Bobby and Tony. Geez, maybe we should’ve included Bobby in the Badass Bracket instead of Tony. You knew something was coming when they showed just how much Tony, Carm, Bobby and Janice were drinking that night, and Janice, as always, couldn’t help but get Tony riled up almost from the moment he arrived for his birthday weekend. You’ve got to respect Bobby for defending his wife and all, but…come on, dude! I mean, when Bobby punched Tony, I said, “Oh shit!” I don’t care how smashed you are – you don’t sucker punch the boss of the family, not if you value your life. That was the definition of a knock-down, drag-out fight, and it’s clear that Tony won’t (can’t?) let this go anytime soon. The question, of course, is what are the ramifications?
Tony seemed like he was ready to give Bobby a bigger role in the family, maybe even have him replace Chris as his eventual successor. I say that’s out the window now, but you never know. Tony still seems to be in a reflective state of mind following last season’s near-death experience, staring peacefully out at the water and saying how nice it was at Bobby and Janice’s lake house. Maybe Tony gains some perspective, this all blows over and Bobby slides back into Tony’s good graces. Of course, if you’ve watched enough of this show you know that that’s almost certainly what won’t happen, but we’ll see.
There wasn’t much else beyond the brawl, although judging by the conversation Tony had with Bobby in the boat before the fight and the fact that Tony hung up on Chris when he called to wish him a belated happy birthday, it’s safe to say Chris is sitting firmly in T’s doghouse.
…and yes, I’m still hanging on to my theory that Chris is going to flip. That is, of course, if he hasn’t already.
(Oh, and does Carm know how to wish her man a happy birthday or what? Niiiiiiice.)
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