Obviously, it’s not one of the matinee names…but if you watched “SNL” during the Eddie Murphy / Joe Piscopo years, you may remember this man from the opening roll call. Don’t just click to see who it is, though; go ahead and actually read the article. The case is actually rather eyebrowing raising.
Category: External TV (Page 355 of 419)
Talk about art imitating blog. Last week, after trying to sift through the ashes of the most needlessly circuitous plot in TV history, I said, “None of this makes sense.” Tonight, as Senator Roark is processing the seriousness of Russian President Suvarov’s threat to attack the Americans for willingly allowing Russian technology to fall into the hands of the Russians, Roark said, yep, “None of this makes sense.”
At last, we are all in agreement.
As for Farmer Hoggett’s relationship with the Chinese, well, to quote the Hives, hate to say I told you so, all right. Cheng praised Hoggett as a man of vision, and Hoggett loves China so much that he plans to steal his grandson and live there forever and ever. I’d say that makes them allies, wouldn’t you? Well, until (a clearly deaf) Cheng loses Jack Jack, and Hoggett kills the deal to hand over the Russian component. Gotta give Hoggett credit: he has the negotiation skills of a Corleone. Or maybe Mel Gibson’s character in “Payback.” “My money, yes or no?” “No!” Bang.
So back to the blog’s title. Lisa Miller’s attempt to schmooze her lobbyist spy of a paramour ends poorly of course, and her boy toy chokes her until she’s unconscious. Another coma? Are you kidding me? How many is that over the course of the show? Maura Tierney, Tony Almeida, Wheelbarrow Wayne twice…wasn’t Robocop in one for a while last year? Does anyone know four people that have fallen into comas? I was only sort of kidding when I called this show “Dynasty of Terror” a while back. It really is becoming a full fledged soap opera.
Is Audrey Raines really gone from the show? Or is she merely gone for now, only to be brought back stunt-style next season, a la Kim Bauer last year? And as one of our astute readers pointed out, they never explained how Big Dick Heller survived that header into the Pacific from a quarter mile above the surface. But these guys are good at not explaining stuff, aren’t they? The Palmer family may as well not even exist at this point, and the fallout from this morning’s nuclear explosion doesn’t seem to be affecting anything at all. Got a plot thread that needs to be temporarily resolved? Put it in a coma. As Eric Cartman would say, this is totally weak. Indeed, this has gone from weak to super weak.
Did I see an oil rig as the site of the big showdown for next week’s two-hour season finale? An oil rig? What the hell is Cheng doing on an oil rig? And besides, didn’t “Alias” do that a couple years ago? Speaking of “Alias,” what happened to “Drive”? My beloved Amy Acker was on both shows, and we at Bullz-Eye are all big, big fans of “Drive” hero Nathan Fillion. Hey, here’s an idea: make Fillion the villain – the only villain – for next season. He usually plays the plucky hero, but fans of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” will tell you that he can play a baddie just as well as he can play a goodie. Create some kind of Bruce Willis/Alan Rickman dynamic between him and Kiefer, and you’ll save the show. Oh, and if any “24” writers are reading this, you should know that our fearless leader is a lawyer, and he will fight for a story credit. Just thought I’d warn you in advance.
Q: Where do you begin with an episode like this week’s “Heroes”?
A: You start with, “No, wait, I’m okay!”
Wow, what an anticlimatic opening few seconds to the next-to-last episode of the season. I mean, not that I wanted them to drag the scene out – I think we were all pretty sure that Peter wasn’t actually going to explode – but, still, to have a moment that’s been foretold for half the year end be over so quickly…it was like, “OMIGOD, I’M HAVING A HEART ATTActually, hang on, sorry, it’s just gas.”
Fortunately, the moment was quickly forgotten. One reason was because of that way that Hiro shifts from utter uncertainty to having the steadfast convinction to offer the perfect delivery of a line like, “The fate of the world is in your hands.” (No pressure.) Following that, however, the end of the pre-credits sequence – specifically, Sylar’s one-liner – was one of those “Heroes” moments where I thought, “This really is a comic book come to life.” Lots of shows (not to mention movies) have tried to capture the feel of the printed page, but it takes just the right touch to pull off a melodramatic line and have the reaction be “YES!” rather than “Gimme a BREAK.”
So Linderman isn’t Mr. Petrelli…well, unless it’s an Anakin Skywalker / Darth Vader kind of thing, which I wouldn’t put past this show. He did, however, heal Nathan’s wife (I think many folks probably saw that coming; it definitely occurred to me that it could happen), which makes it even harder for Nathan to back away from Linderman’s promises of the future. Also, Linderman was some kind of shady, huh? Preying on Micah’s desire to live happily ever with his parents. Dang, that’s slack. Of course, we had another theory confirmed: that Micah’s ability to manipulate all things mechanical would involve rigging the computerized voting machines. I think, however, that the fact that Linderman has underestimated Micha’s abilities is going to come back to bite his plans in the ass…
“Don’t they know we have a sword to mend?!?” Poor Hiro; he’s so naive. (Reminds me a lot of me, actually, which might be why I’m so sympathetic to his tendency to hope for the best.) Nathan all but broke his heart…but, by God, George Takei was there to put it all back together again! Didn’t you love that look on Mr. Nakamura’s face when he swung around with the blade? There’s definitely something being set up for a story arc that takes place in the past, given the way Mr. Nakamura touched on the fact that he was once part of a group of Heroes. The same one as Linderman? I’m sure we’ll find out eventually. I loved Hiro’s comment about how Ando wasn’t going to have to die after all. “He will be so relieved!” The bit with Matt Parkman and the porn-hoarding security guard was topped only by Nikica getting a funny line for a change: “Didn’t I throw you out a window?”
But what tops that line…?
HRG saying, “Your last thought.”
Officially the BEST LINE EVER.
I still figured Molly wasn’t gonna buy it, but since there’s no such thing as a bad Mexican standoff, I still enjoyed the Mohinder / HRG confrontation. I also didn’t really believe that “Jessica” was going to kill Linderman…but I was surprised by D.L. being shot…and I was DEFINITELY surprised by his fist going right into the back of Linderman’s skull and pulling out his fucking brain! CRIMINEY!!! But the question is, since he can heal others, does his body heal itself? Even so, that’s a lot to grow back!
So it’s cliffhangers a go go to set the stage for next week. Like I even need to say it: I can’t wait.
Well, kids, NBC has officially released word of its 2007 – 2008 fall season, and here’s what we have to look forward to…
Monday
The night begins the same way it has for the last several months, with “Deal or No Deal”…but, finally, someone at the network realized that it might be wise to follow “Heroes” with a drama that at least vaguely resembles the program that precedes it. Thus, we have “JOURNEYMAN.”
“JOURNEYMAN“– From Emmy Award-winning writer-producer Kevin Falls (“The West Wing”) and Emmy Award-winning director-producer Alex Graves (“The West Wing”), “Journeyman” is a romantic mystery-drama about Dan Vasser (Kevin McKidd, “Rome”), a San Francisco newspaper reporter and family man who inexplicably begins to travel through time and change people’s lives. Along the way, he also must deal with the difficulties and strife at work and home brought on by his sudden disappearances. However, his freewheeling travels through the decades reunite him with his long-lost fiancée Livia (Moon Bloodgood, “Day Break”) — which complicates his present-day life with wife Katie (Gretchen Egolf, “Martial Law”) and their son. Reed Diamond (“Homicide: Life on the Street”) and Charles Henry Wyson (“The Curious Case of Benjamin Button”) also star. “Journeyman” is a production of 20th Century Fox Television. Falls is executive producer and writer; Graves is executive producer and director of the pilot.
By the way, also very much of note is the fact that NBC is spawning a “Heroes” spin-off, entitled “ORIGINS.” The description is thus: “an innovative new spin-off that each week will introduce a new character — one of whom will be chosen by viewers through the ‘Heroes’ website on NBC.com to become a cast regular the following season.” No details yet on when it’ll air, though.
TUESDAY
Yawn. Another season of “The Biggest Loser” at 8. Hooray! Another season of “Law & Order: SVU” at 10! Sandwiched between the two, we get “CHUCK.”
“CHUCK” – From executive producer, Josh Schwartz (“The O.C.”) and executive producer-director McG (“Charlie’s Angels,” “We Are Marshall”) comes a one-hour, comedic spy thriller about Chuck Bartowski (Zachary Levi, “Less Than Perfect”) – a computer geek who is catapulted into a new career as the government’s most vital secret agent. When Chuck opens an e-mail subliminally encoded with government secrets, he unwittingly downloads an entire server of sensitive data into his brain. Now, the fate of the world lies in the unlikely hands of a guy who works at Buy More. Instead of fighting computer viruses, he must fight assassins and international terrorists. With the government’s most precious secrets in Chuck’s head, Major John Casey (Adam Baldwin, “My Bodyguard”) of the NSA assumes the responsibility of protecting him. His partner is the CIA’s top agent (and Chuck’s first date in years) Sarah Walker (Yvonne Strzechowski, “Gone”). They’ll keep him safe by trading in his pocket protector for a bulletproof vest. Also starring are Joshua Gomez (“Without a Trace”) as Chuck’s best buddy Morgan and Sarah Lancaster (“What About Brian?”) as Chuck’s ever-supportive sister Ellie. Josh Schwartz and Chris Fedak wrote “Chuck,” which is produced by College Hill Pictures and Wonderland Sound and Vision in association with Warner Bros. Television.
It’s been a long time coming, but Drama’s big day is finally here – the premiere of his new drama “Five Towns” – and in celebration, the guys have catered to his every desire. They’ve let him sleep in, destroyed every copy of Variety in his vicinity, and they’ve even detailed his classic junker that he brought with him when he first came to Hollywood. Unfortunately, during a “rub and tug” at his favorite massage parlor, Drama happens upon a copy of the latest Variety to discover that the critical response isn’t quite as accommodating. In fact, every television writer in the country has panned Drama’s performance on the show – despite the fact that all of the guys seem to genuinely enjoy it – and so he sets off in his newly detailed car to blow off some steam. It isn’t until the next day that Drama wakes up in the middle of the Grand Canyon to hear the good news: “Five Towns” is a hit, nabbing 16 million viewers in its first night.
Drama wasn’t the only member of the pack that had his share of good luck, either. While waiting to pick up the car at the detailed shop, Turtle is introduced to the owner’s daughter, Kelly, and is instantly taken with her. Not only is she smoking hot, but she also shares the same crazy hobby of collecting shoes. As Turtle puts it: “She’s me, but with boobs.” Actually, that isn’t quite the compliment it should be, but that doesn’t change the fact that Turtle (after much bargaining with her father, Rufus) has scored a date with the woman of his dreams.
I’m happy for the little guy. After the whole Saigon subplot just sort of fell apart during the first half of the season, Turtle had sunk back into his usual role as the group lackey. As far as I’m considered, if Drama’s going to get a little happiness in his life, so should Turtle. And, well, so should everybody else too, it seems.
I made a remark last week that Vince’s obsession with “Medellin” had posed the biggest question of the past three years: will this damn movie ever get made? Well, we didn’t exactly reach an endpoint during this week’s episode, but we’re definitely closer. Visiting Ari at his office for the first time since they so brutally fired him, Vince and Eric are quick to make clear that Ari is most certainly not back. First, they want “Medellin,” and though Ari informs them that the movie is dead (or as he puts it, “an unbeatable super germ”), that doesn’t change things. So, in keeping with his promise, Ari sets up a meet between the three guys and wealthy movie producer Joe Roberts. The problem is, Roberts is only willing to finance “Medellin” if Vince agrees to make his passion project “Matterhorn” (“Die Hard” at Disneyland) first.
As Ari expects, Vince doesn’t bite, and because we all know he’s a little crazy, Vince announces his desire to outbid Roberts for the rights to “Medellin.” Impressed by his passion for the project, Roberts ends the bidding war and Vince walks away with the rights for a measly $5 million. Oh, and did I mention that means Vince will have to sell the house? Or that Eric has invested all $200,000 of his savings? It’s definitely an interesting angle for the series to take (and admittedly one I never even thought of), but do they really think that they can make money off a 3-hour art flick? An Oscar, maybe, but this thing has box office failure written all over it.
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