Category: External Movies (Page 325 of 336)

Holiday Movies Bad Enough To Make You Hate Christmas

November 30, 2006 /

During the holiday season, there’s nothing like grabbing a mug of hot cider or a glass of eggnog, sitting down on the couch, turning on the TV, and watching one of the many classic Christmas movies. Man, there are some classics out there: “It’s A Wonderful Life,” “Miracle on 34th Street,” “White Christmas,” “A Christmas Story,” and, of course, “Ernest Saves Christmas.”

What’s that? You don’t consider “Ernest Saves Christmas” to be a classic? Okay, good. We were really just using that as a gauge, to make sure you that you know the difference between a good holiday movie and a really, really bad holiday movie.

If you’ve already got that cider or eggnog handy, be sure it’s heavily spiked as you enter into our list of 15 flicks that, while they may have started with good intentions, turned out so terrible that they’d turn the sweetest guy in the world into Ebenezer Scrooge.

An example:

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure

It’s not exactly breaking news that films coming out under the “National Lampoon” name tend to be excruciating viewing experiences; it’s been that way ever since they started going the straight-to-video route (and, arguably, about five years before that). Still, it’s one thing when they put out awful standalone films, but when you start tarnishing the reputation of a Chevy Chase franchise, you’ve gone too damned far! We’re not saying that Randy Quaid’s portrayal of Eddie Johnson isn’t funny; we’re just saying that Cousin Eddie’s a character that cannot – nay, should not – be given his own film, especially when it’s as bad as this one is. The premise is straight out of a later, less-funny “Simpsons” episode, with Eddie getting bitten by a chimpanzee who’s better at his job than he is, and getting a tropical vacation from his employers to avoid a possible lawsuit. It’s notable that Dana Barron plays Audrey Griswold, making it the first time any actress has ever played the role twice; it also answers the question, “Which of the actresses to formerly play Audrey Griswold needs work the most?” Audrey’s dad may not be in the film, but Eddie still manages to drag his cousin Clark down, anyway. After all, “Christmas Vacation” was pretty much the last funny film Chevy Chase did, and now, it’s forever going to be associated with this travesty. – WH

Check out the rest of the list here.

External Movies, Movie Comedies, Movie DVDs, Movies

Box Office Roundup: Stormtrooper death march of the penguins

November 26, 2006 /

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Happy Feet: $37.9 million, $100.1 million to date (owner: Mark Pfeiffer, Reel Times Studios)
Mark is totally bugging about the performance of his first pick. On the one hand, it is making tons of money. On the other hand, he just didn’t like it that much, and its success troubles him.
2) Casino Royale: $31 million, $94.2 million to date (Steve Wamsley, TSSU Productions)
Steve may have some dogs on his slate (well, “Harsh Times,” anyway), but with a $70 million lead, he’s not complaining.
3) Déjà Vu: $20.8 million, $29 million to date (owner: David Medsker Scary Clown Studios)
My second pick is doing only slightly better than my first pick, which was the biggest bust of the first round. Why oh why didn’t I take “Borat” when it was still available?
4) Deck the Halls: $12 million, $16.8 million to date (owner: Deb Medsker: Punch and Pie Pictures)
Deb is not proud to own this movie. But she’ll take the money just the same.
5)Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan: $10.4 million, $109.3 million to date (owner: Deb Medsker, Punch and Pie Pictures)
He’s making fun of us. You people realize that, right? I’d personally like to nominate the hotel scene as the most overrated scene of the year.
6) The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause: $10 million, $67.2 million to date (owner: Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Productions)
The Little Shitty Tim Allen Movie That Could.
7) Stranger than Fiction: $6 million, $32.8 million to date (Scary Clown Studios)
I’m sorry, Will. I did everything I could to help the effort.
8) Flushed Away: $5.8 million, $48.8 million to date (owner: Kristin Dreyer-Kramer, Nights and Weekends)
Box Office Mojo is saying that this movie cost $149 million to make. Can that be right?
9) Bobby: $4.9 million, $6.2 million to date (TSSU Productions
Are any of the Oscar-buzz movies this year going to be any good? Well, there’s one (“Dreamgirls”), but you’ll have to wait a few weeks for that one.
10) The Fountain: $3.7 million, $5.4 million to date (owner: Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Productions)
Reel Times dropped this like a bad habit last week after seeing it. Seven Strangers wasn’t at that screening. But he just needed a replacement for “Bug,” anyway.
11) Tenacious D: The Pick of Destiny: $3.1 million, $5.1 million to date (owner: Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Productions)
What, the, fuck. Bar none the most shocking performance of the week, if not the season. Come on, stoner dudes, where the hell were you? This movie’s freaking funny.

And, the rest:

13) For Your Consideration: $1.9 million, $3.1 million to date (Punch and Pie)
14) Babel: $1.9 million, $15.1 million to date (TSSU Productions)
16) Saw III: $1.5 million, $78 million to date (TSSU Productions)

The Return: $319,000, $7.6 million to date (Bill Clark, A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint)
Fast Food Nation: $196,000, $780,000 to date (Will Harris, What’s All This, Then?)

Current standings:
1) TSSU Productions: $196.7 million
2) Punch and Pie Pictures: $129.2 million
3) Reel Times Pictures: $100.1 million
4) Seven Strangers Productions: $77.7 million
5) Nights and Weekends: $64.4 million
6) Scary Clown Studios: $61.7 million
7) A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint: $7.6 million
8) What’s All This, Then?: $780,000

Next week: Scary Clown capitalizes on the “claustrophobic cruelty” trend (oh, who are we kidding, it’s torture, people!) with “Turistas,” What’s All This tries to get out of the cellar with “Van Wilder: The Rise of the Taj,” and Reel Times gets all religious with “The Nativity Story.”

External Movies, Movies, News

Expect the offices of New Line to be invaded…

November 21, 2006 /

…by hordes of very grumpy nerds doing very bad Gollum impressions, now that it’s been made official by the studio that Peter Jackson’s services will no longer be required to direct their planned adaption of “The Hobbit.”

“Last week, Mark Ordesky called Ken (Kamins, Jackson’s manager) and told him that New Line would no longer be requiring our services on `The Hobbit’ and the LOTR `prequel,'” the 45-year-old New Zealand director wrote on TheOneRing.org. “This was a courtesy call to let us know that the studio was now actively looking to hire another filmmaker for both projects.”

The announcement came amid an ongoing dispute between Wingnut Films – Jackson’s production company – and New Line Cinema over the amount Jackson was paid for “The Fellowship of the Ring,” including DVD payments…and while Jackson hasn’t said how much he believes he was underpaid, The New York Times last year quoted his lawyers as saying it was as much as $100 million. He is suing New Line Cinema over the shortfall.

Yes, I believe I would, too, come to think of it.

Action Movies, External Entertainment, External Movies, Movie Dramas, Movies, News

Box Office Roundup: James Bond kidnapped by “several small, well-dressed men,” whereabouts unknown

November 20, 2006 /

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

Did James Bond just get beaten by a bunch of penguins? Sean Connery would have sent Antarctica plummeting into the sea before suffering such an indignity.

1) Happy Feet: $42.3 million (Mark Pfeiffer, Reel Times Studios)
A monster first step out of the gate for Reel Times, surprisingly taking the top slot from the hyped-to-the-heavens “Casino Royale.”
2) Casino Royale: $40.6 million (Steve Wamsley, TSSU Productions)
Um, wow. Didn’t see this coming. Was it due to a long running time and therefore fewer screenings? Or was it because, like most Bond movies, it just wasn’t that good?
3) Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan: $14.4 million, $90.5 million to date (owner: Deb Medsker, Punch and Pie Pictures)
We’re skeptical to the claims of authenticity to the stories about kids flinging poo at cars after seeing “Borat,” but if I had to choose between that and those children becoming racist, misogynist, drunk jackasses, a little flying poo doesn’t seem so bad.
4) The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause: $8.2 million, $51.6 million to date (owner: Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Productions)
Tim Allen hangs in there just long enough to get blown out of the theaters when the Christmas season is officially under way.
5) Flushed Away: $6.8 million, $48.8 million to date (owner: Kristin Dreyer-Kramer, Nights and Weekends)
The power of singing slugs, that’s all we can say.
6) Stranger than Fiction: $6.6 million, $22.9 million to date (owner: David Medsker, Scary Clown Studios)
That’s good, people. Send a loud and clear message to Will Farrell – or, more importantly, his agent – that says we only want to see Farrell make a complete fool of himself onscreen. Heaven help us. Scary Clown’s first pick is a disastrous one, even if the movie’s way better than you think.
7) Babel: $2.9 million, $12 million to date (Steve Wamsley, TSSU Productions)
Sleeper pick of the draft so far.
8) Saw III: $2.8 million, $74.6 million to date (Steve Wamsley, TSSU Productions)
If a girl wants to take her back to her house and show you her “rack,” run like the wind.
14) The Return: $1.7 million, $6.8 million to date (owner: Bill Clark, A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint)
The biggest disappointment of the season so far, though it has unlikely company…
15) A Good Year: $1.6 million, $6.4 million to date (Nights and Weekends)
We blame the Benny Hill bit for thoroughly confusing everyone as to what kind of movie this was trying to be. But anyone who wants to put Abbie Cornish in their next movie has our blessing.

Gone from the list: Harsh Times. (TSSU). Hmmm, maybe “Snoop Dogg’s Hood of Horror” was the way to go after all…

Current standings:
1) TSSU Productions: $130.6 million
2) Punch and Pie Pictures: $90.8 million
3) Nights and Weekends: $55.2 million
4) Seven Strangers Productions: $51.6 million
5) Reel Times Pictures: $42.3 million
6) Scary Clown Studios: $22.9 million
7) A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint: $6.8 million
8) What’s All This, Then?: $390,000 (“Fast Food Nation,” limited release)

Next week: Scary Clown unleashes its best weapon in “Déjà Vu,” Punch and Pie release “Deck the Halls,” TSSU opens “Bobby” in wide release, and Seven Strangers cover both ends of the intelligence spectrum with “Tenacious D in: The Pick of Destiny” and “The Fountain.” The web site projects that “The Fountain” will make $48 million. Not a chance.

Action Movies, External Movies, Movie Comedies, Movie Dramas, Movies, News

Zombies rule, snakes drool…

November 18, 2006 /

Plane Dead

Well, actually, they hiss, but that’s not the point. In what can only be described as the first great “Snakes on a Plane” knock-off, the horror film “Plane Dead” (haha, get it? plane dead, brain dead) looks to up the ante by replacing an airplane filled with venomous (not to mention very horny) snakes with killer zombies. Now, the movie may not look very good, but the makeup effects are beyond incredible for an apparently low-budget, direct-to-DVD flick.

Check out the trailer here, and then come on back to post your thoughts.

External Movies, Horror Movies, Movies

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