Category: American Idol (Page 54 of 56)

Last night the male contestants on “American Idol” got to strut their stuff in front of the judges and America, and while it was a mixed bag of styles, there sure wasn’t a lot of variation from the mediocre or good at best. In my eyes there was only one truly great performance, one worthy of measuring up to the ladies anyway. Here are the Vandalay choices for good, bad and in-between:

THE GOOD

I’ve been pimping this Chris Daughtry guy for a while, and he is hands-down the best guy vocalist in the competition. He sang Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive” flawlessly and even Simon said he’s got the potential to go really far.

Elliott, who sang an old Stevie Wonder tune, also performed really well. Simon said he had possibly the best male vocal the competition has ever seen….I disagree, but Cowell has a little more influence than me over America. I do have to say though, if Elliott doesn’t make it as a singer, he can easily have a second career as an Abe Lincoln impersonator….just grow a beard and put a hat on, and he’s a dead ringer.

Ace, the dude who looks like Scott Stapp, sang George Michael’s “Father Figure” and did a really good job, but not quite to the same level as Elliott or Chris. This guy is the Constantine of this season…..meaning, he knows how to work the cameras and the ladies…..but Ace does have a much better voice.

THE IN-BETWEEN

The show started off last night with Patrick, aka “Raisin Boy”….yeah, he’s the dude who looks like the dude on Seinfeld who stole the box of raisins….that, and he has a neck like a giraffe. But I digress…he sang Melissa Etheridge’s “Come to My Window”…..not bad, but an odd song choice for a guy. Simon even said it wasn’t the right song choice, and Paula gushed over him like she does over almost everyone. Actually I just want her to shut the hell up.

Bucky Covington is a real country boy from North Carolina, and he sang Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” in a way that sounded more like Creed….not bad, but not great.

Will, who is basically a Fred Savage look-alike, sang The Jackon 5’s “I Want You Back”…I thought he was pretty good but the judges thought he was average. This kid is only like 17 though, and will only get better.

Sway, the bald wonder from San Francisco, sang Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Reasons”…a great song, but not the best choice. He had to sing it mostly in falsetto….and the judges thought it was better than I did. Except of course for Simon, who said Sway looked “pimpy” in his outfit, which he really did.

Lispy boy Kevin sang Brian McKnight’s “One Last Cry” and actually sounded pretty good….but if I was him, I’d avoid any titles with the letter “s.” Paula thought he was adorable, and most of America probably will too, keeping him alive for a few more weeks.

Gedeon, the dude who talks like a preacher, has a decent enough voice and is a charasmatic performer, but other than that he is just average in my eyes. Simon said something about it sounding like the warm-up act for the Chippendales, which started another feud between him and Ryan Seacrest. Come on guys, those wiseass remarks to each other are getting old. Seacrest, you really have no ear for talent, so stop busting on Simon. Or better yet, just go away.

Finally there was Taylor Hicks, the gray haired wonder. This guy has a killer voice, despite his goofiness, but when he sang Elton John’s “Levon” he didn’t exactly perform like usual. I think he can do better and I’m sure he’ll have that chance. What was really amazing though, was that Simon finally endorsed Taylor, saying he’s interesting enough to go really far.

THE BAD

It’s easy this week to figure out who will be eliminated for the guys. First there is David, the crooner who looked really awkward singing Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”….even Randy Jackson said “dude, that wasn’t very good” and I agree. Paula was in charge of the dawg pound last night as the girls were nicknamed “Paula’s poodle pound”….um, very very lame.

There was also Bobby Bennett, who sang Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” All you have to know is that he looked like a big gay Mexican priest, and a big gay Mexican priest cannot possibly pull the wool over America’s eyes. Adios, Bobby.

We’ll find out tonight just how accurate my predictions are when two guys and two girls from this week’s voting are eliminated.

But first this tidbit……turns out one of the stripper types I’ve been talking about, Becky O’Donohue, posed for men’s mag Maxim a few years ago with her twin sister. Hey, I just call ’em like I see ’em.

See you tomorrow America.

So now is when “American Idol” really starts to separate the real talent from the amateurs, and when America has the final say in who gets eliminated each week.

But first, a few random comments. The show is TWO hours long both Tuesday and Wednesday this week, with a third show on Thursday to announce the results. Last night, there was too much fluff…like these wannabe singers talking about how they got there and what the competition means to them blah blah blah…..just shut the hell up and sing! And speaking of fluff…..I am going to sound like a catty chick here, but what was up with Paula’s hair? It was sticking up in the front in such an annoying way, like maybe her rum and coke splattered up and made her hair all sticky. Anyway…..

So last night the 12 remaining females got to perform one song for America. Here were the best, in-between, and worst performances of the evening:

BEST
Nashville girl Mandisa got things started with “Never” by rockers Heart, and she did not disappoint. After Simon had previously made deragatory remarks about Mandisa’s weight, even he couldn’t deny her powerful vocal ability and predicted she would be a finalist. Hey, I’ve been saying that all along.

Paris Bennett sang Gladys Knight’s “Midnight Train to Georgia” and was awesome. She has the voice, the charisma, the whole package…and she’s only 17.

Lisa Tucker sang a Jennifer Holliday song and while it was pitchy in spots, she showed a maturity and ability beyond her 16 years…..I said SIXTEEN.

Katharine McPhee, the one who kissed all the judges on the lips when finding out she would move to the next round, did an old Barbara Streisand song and just blew everyone away. And for the record, she gets my vote as the cutest of the girl contestants.

IN BETWEEN

Among the mediocre, uninspiring performances were Becky O’Donohue, who sang Patti Smith’s “Because The Night”…and Simon hit the nail on the head by saying that the bar had been set by some really great singers already and that only great performances were going to matter. Becky was just boring……Ayla, the basketball player, was just uninspiring, but man, is she a giant…….Brenna, the big mouth Noo Yawka, was all over the place vocally and annoying as usual.

And then there were two contestants we’ve never seen, thanks to all the fluff this show has thrown at us….Melissa McGee and Kinnik. Kinnik was the better of the two, but Simon once again hit it on the head (Yes, Art Vandalay usually agrees with the judge everyone hates) by saying that at 28 years old, Kinnik would have to step it up to compete with the Lisa Tuckers and Paris Bennetts of the competition.

THE BAD

Finally, here are my three picks for who should get eliminated….

Kelly Pickler, the cute blonde who has been a feel-good story so far (you all know by now her dad is in jail)……well, she sang a Martina McBride song and was all over the place. Lucky for her, in Nashville they have a thing in studios called “auto tune” because some producer is probably foaming at the mouth to make her sound good once she gets eliminated….and that day will be soon.

Stevie Scott…..the one with the opera training, decided to sing a Josh Groban song, and to quote Randy Jackson, was “soft and non-emotional.” I’ll take it one further. She just sucked.

Finally, there was Heather Cox….she’s one that proved Mrs. Vandalay’s theory that if you’re hot, you got in this year….surely the judges were not listening to her sing these past few weeks. She’ll be getting back to her career as a stripper very soon.

So there you have it……tonight we have the guys performing….and with that, a question. If the guys constituted Randy Jackson’s dawg pound last night, will the girls be woofing it up tonight?

and finally I leave you with one more thought….remember the dude on “Seinfeld” who was trying out to play the role of Kramer and stole the box of raisins? Look closely at the guys tonight and let me know which one of them IS that dude. Have fun with that, and see you tomorrow.

Vandalay, OUT.

After a grueling period where the remaining 44 “American Idol” contestants had to fly solo in front of the judges, they all had to wait a few days before sitting in a room and being called in one by one to learn their fate. Only 24 spots would be open to the finalists, the ones who are going to let America’s voters determine their fate.

There were definitely some surprises, such as the lispy 16 year old kid, Kevin, from Long Island. I mean, this kid is not that great of a singer–how does he keep on advancing? Rebecca and Heather both look better than they sing, but that always seems to count for something, especially with Mr. Cowell. Mrs. Vandalay said they both look like strippers and I would agree but I have never been to a strip club (yeah, I don’t believe me either).

Early on, they showed a lot of the contestants that were learning bad news, but the first one that they showed who advanced was Katharine McPhee, a spunky chick with a really good voice who definitely deserved it. But the funniest part of the show was when she expressed her appreciation by kissing each judge, ON THE LIPS. Ewwww. Okay, maybe her kissing only Paula would be pretty hot.

Some of the other finalists included Ace, the dude who looks like Scott Stapp but sure doesn’t sing like him or act like him in public; Lisa Tucker, who is only 16 but has a monster voice and was an early Vanadalay choice to make it far; David, the crooner, and I have no idea how he made it; Paris Bennett, another favorite of mine who should easily go far; Mandisa, who forgave Simon for saying she’d need a bigger stage, then got the good news that she would get a chance to sing in front of America….well deserved I might add, she is awesome; and Brenna, the annoying girl who Simon somehow liked despite saying she had a horrible attitude…..I have one word for you: Ratings; there was also Taylor Hicks, the harmonica-toting gray-haired southern boy who Simon doesn’t get, but trust me, America will and he deserves to be here.

There were also quite a few that advanced that we didn’t see auditions of at all before this. That’s proof that there is just way too much Ryan Seacrest on this show and not enough meat and potatoes.

Finally, I’m sure most of you noticed for the first 50 minutes of the show that Darrell and Terrell, the Jackass Twins, were absent. We all read in the papers that they had been arrested on forgery and theft charges, but we didn’t know at what point during the taping of “American Idol” it was until they mentioned it . As it turns out, these self-described “model citizens” were nothing but jackasses, and criminals at that.

So we’re down to 12 guys and 12 girls……the real “American Idol” starts here. Are you guys ready to start voting?

Wow, how fast things are moving now that “American Idol” has shifted to Hollywood. Last week, 175 contestants began the second round of auditions and 76 were sent home. The 99 that remained had to do the thing that always separates the real talent from the wannabes: group competition. What this also tends to do is expose the jackasses, and this time around it was no different.

Jackass 1 and Jackass 2, otherwise known as twins Darrell and Terrell, were all over this show. Look, these guys can definitely sing, but the next American Idol is not going to be one that carries emotional baggage. These two have enough of said baggage to weigh down a 747. Terrell was all over his teammates, complaining to the camera that two of them were sleeping while he and one teammate rehearsed. Looked to me like they spent more time complaining than anything. Then, the two guys that were sleeping wound up going to the next round, and so did Terrell. Bear with me, it does get better.

So then later, his brother Darrell competes with his team and he is chosen to move on to the next round as well. Then, he decides to open up his mouth. “My spirit has been broken,” he said. “After how you treated my brother, I choose to leave the competition and go home to record with my brother.” Simon immediately said “Fine, go home.” Little did Darrell know that his brother had not been eliminated, so later on he had to go in front of the judges and eat crow. They eventually accepted his apology and let the jackass twins back in. But not before Simon let him know that he was “sick of the hissy attitude.” Simon and all of America, I can guarantee you that.

All night there seemed to be huge egos colliding. A girl named Tyra switched teams twice and seemed to cause trouble everywhere she went. But in the end, she made the right decision because the team she didn’t end up with kept forgetting their lyrics and were all eliminated.

Another hilarious bit was when cowboy Garrett and two of his cowboy friends were portrayed by the show’s producers as the cast of “Brokenote Mountain” and after they all were eliminated showed Garrett hugging his teammates and crying. Awwwww…..

Still shining through all the crap were three contestants I think everyone should keep an eye on. One is Paris Bennett….I think she’s only 17 but she has quite the pipes and a professional attitude to boot.
I’m predicting her as top 5 material right now. Mandisa (I don’t know if she even has a last name) can also belt it out, and I fully expect her to land in the top 12. Then my dark horse is that gray haired dude…..he’s got this Joe Cocker thing going on that just can’t be ignored.

The judges broke the remaining contestants into four groups, one of which was eliminated. So that left 44 contestants in all to compete for the final 24 spots–12 guys and 12 girls. And those will be determined tonight after solo acapella performances in front of the judges. Please please please judges, do us all a favor and send the jackass twins home.

We’re getting there folks…..it’s been a long ride already but it’s only just beginning to heat up. See you tomorrow….