Category: Actresses (Page 247 of 258)

Sharon shows it again. Yay.

As if anyone really cares, Sharon Stone will be revealing it all again in Basic Instinct 2. According to the article she’s tired of seeing young starlets getting naked and flaunting their hot-ass bods all over the silver screen. The 48-year-old wants to do it again and prove to someone out there that she’s still hot as well. How seeing Stone’s pubic region again is going to prove this to anyone is beyond me. And besides that, who gives a rat’s about Stone anymore, anyway? Oh so that’s why she’s doing full-blown nude scenes again. I gotcha…

Going for the Gold

Bodyrocker Justin Timberlake and his main squeeze Cameron Diaz hope to star in a new movie about two ice skaters who fall in love at the Olympic Village. What is this, “Cutting Edge 2: Revenge of the Toe Pick”? Nope, wait: Hollywood already made that one, starring neither Moira Kelly nor D.B. Sweeney, and focusing on the twenty-ish daughter of a couple that was not yet married as of fourteen years ago.

Which is a shame, because we were just starting to get excited about seeing the former brillo-haired boy-bander trying to pull off the role of a hunky, muscular ex-hockey player who suddenly realizes that his true destiny is to make jazz hands and twirl with his lady love in a shiny sequined costume for all to admire. Instead, Timberlake will likely play a speed skater, with Cameron left to flip her short skirt around on the ice all by her lonesome. What a drag.

Indiana Jones and the Last Croissant

Harrison Ford has reportedly proposed to longtime love Calista Flockhart by placing her engagement ring in a brown paper bag with a cup of coffee and a croissant. Awwww, ain’t that cute? That’s almost as cute as the guy my husband knows who put the ring on top of a can of Budweiser in the fridge and told his then-girlfriend to go get him a beer.

The funny thing is, Harrison was taking quite a risk, there, with that proposal method. I mean, come on: a croissant?! Those things are made of, like, solid butter dipped in lard and rolled in pure cane sugar. There’s no way that Calista, all fifty-five pounds of her, has ever eaten an entire croissant in her life…so how did she find the ring? Either the article was a misprint, and the fancy sparkler was actually buried beneath a 10-calorie Quaker puffed rice cake, or Harrison had to coerce Ally McBeal into picking up the croissant to find the ring by telling her the tasty pastry was actually stuffed with figure-flattering amphetamines.

“Welcome [back] to the O.C., bitch!”

You know something is up when the creators of a TV program bring back a beloved character who has long since left the show. Either it’s sweeps month, and they’re just doing it as a stunt to boost ratings (witness Noah Wyle’s return to E.R. last month)…or they think the overall health of their show is in trouble. Since March ain’t sweeps month, we can only assume that the return of Samaire Armstrong to “The O.C.” is the writers’ equivalent of a desperate cry for help.

Last seen leaving perfect soul mate Seth (Adam Brody) because, well, Seth is only funny when he’s unhappy, and an unfunny Seth is just annoying, Armstrong’s character Anna moved back to whatever non-O.C. slum from whence she came, and hadn’t been heard from since 2004…until now. Presumably, things are going much too smoothly between Seth and Summer, and Anna needs to throw the balance back out of whack. I say presumably, incidentally, because I stopped watching this show after its second season.

And here’s the thing: Samaire’s adorable, and good for her for being a good sport and showing up where she’s needed…but this quick band-aid isn’t enough to fix the show — or to make me start watching again.

Let’s review some of the writers’ prior infractions, shall we? To date, they have:

1. Turned one of the most likable, stable, level-headed characters on the show (Hot Mom Kirsten) into a raging lush for no apparent reason

2. Killed off one of the other most likable (well, love-to-hatable) characters, Kirsten’s father Caleb

3. Turned public defender and stand-up-guy Sandy into a sneak who lies to his wife about seeing his ex-girlfriend and sells out to go work for “the man”

4. Continued to employ Mischa Barton despite zero evidence of acting ability; and

5. Replaced Marissa’s younger sister Caitlin after a two-year absence at “boarding school” with an actress easily five years older than the original Caitlin.

Not quite sure what the return of Anna Stern will do to address any of the above…but, hey, admitting you have a problem is the first step towards solving it, right?

Reluctant passing of the Latina Queen torch

Photo Daily News posted this article on the behind-the-scenes mayhem that goes into the creation of the annual post-Oscars issue of that bastion of literary finetude, Us Weekly. Details on how the gossip rag’s editors sort through 40,000 photos of lovely ladies, penguins, and closeted stars escorting their mothers are certainly enlightening…but of much greater interest is the description of the photogenic glare-down between sizzling paragons of Latina beauty Jennifer Lopez and Jessica Alba. Apparently, the actresses were captured on film arriving at the Governor’s Ball at the same time, wearing similar dresses, and “shooting each other icy daggers with their eyes.”

One can only imagine the spicy dialogue that ensued:

Jenny from the Block: “Bitch. I’m the reigning Queen Latina Sex Bomb. The hell you doing here?”
Jessica: “Nuh-uh, you sad little has-been ho. I’m the yummiest Latina sexpot in the room, times ten. You’re just a faded suburban wannabe pop star with a fat ass, married to a smarmy bug-eyed control freak. Deal with it.”
J Lo: “My Marc Anthony is going to cut you all up in pieces for that, you nasty skank. And who said you could wear light green tonight?”
Jessica: “I wear what I want, bee-yotch. Now step off, before the scent of your failure rubs off on me.”
Eva Longoria: “Jesus! It’s Oscar Night. Be nice. F#@k! Besides, I’m way hotter than either of you putas.”

Can’t wait to see the photo when the new issue of Shamefully Guilty Pleasure Weekly comes out.

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