Category: Actresses (Page 244 of 258)

Is the Pope Catholic? Yes. But Tom and Katie’s kid won’t be.

In another move which makes one suspicious of just how much brainwashing Tom Cruise is capable of performing on his fiancee, Cruise informed Diane Sawyer – in an interview which will appear on ABC’s “Primetime” tonight – that, although one can be both Catholic and a Scientologist, he and Katie will not be baptizing their child…even though Katie’s parents are devout Catholics.

Cruise says that the Holmeses “absolutely” approve of Scientology. No word as to whether that’s because of regular doses of psychotropic drugs…nor is there confirmation on the report that, when asked their opinion of Scientology, Katie’s parents replied, “We love it. It’s better than ‘Cats.'”

Pretty on Peacock: Molly Ringwald to guest-star on “Medium”

The 80’s teen queen will appear on television for the first time in four years in the May 1 episode of NBC’s “Medium.”

molly

In the episode, Patricia Arquette’s psychic character has disturbing visions which suggest that Ringwald’s character is in grave danger. No word yet on whether that danger involves Ringwald leaning over lit birthday candles to kiss hunky Jake Ryan; attempting to apply lipstick using only her cleavage; or lending her panties to a geek.

How can we miss you if you won’t go away?

Despite having concluded her well-documented, three-year “farewell” tour, aging plastic surgery addict Cher is in discussions with Caesars Palace to take over the Coliseum stage once Celine Dion concludes her lengthy run there. Cher will reportedly make $60 million in the deal.

cher

Of course, if Caesars management is smart, they’ll start Cher’s run a day early, and put her on the stage with Dion without informing either one of them they’ll have to share the spotlight. Maybe snatch up Barbra Streisand as well. Throw these three on stage together unannounced, call it the Diva Trifecta Extravaganza, and let them jostle for position throughout the show. Babs would have the edge with her perfectly manicured, tiger-lady nails, but both Cher and Dion can throw a mean elbow, so the combatants would be fairly evenly matched.

Then, just as the trio has finally achieved equilibrium and begun singing the grand finale, “My Heart Would Go On If I Could Turn Back Time to the Way We Were,” management lets loose all of Sigfried & Roy’s white tigers onto the stage (hey, they’re not working; they need something to do) with zero supervision.

That would be the best Vegas show ever.

Rosie recaptures America’s hearts

No, it has nothing to do with Big Gay Rosie’s Big Gay Family Cruise documentary on HBO; downtrodden, coiffure-challenged former talk show host Rosie O’Donnell has found an entirely more effective means of winning back her lapsed fans: by threatening to beat the crap out of Naomi Campbell.

rosie

In light of Naomi’s recent arrest for pulling a Russell Crowe on her assistant, Rosie has issued a public statement challenging the supermodel to a fight. Now THAT is a Celebrity Deathmatch worth taking seriously. Pay-Per-View has got to be manning the phones trying to hammer out a deal for exclusive rights to the smackdown this very instant.

“I think she needs a big 200-pound lesbian to kick her ass,” Rosie said of Campbell.

And that, for once, is an O’Donnell sentiment that all of America can stand behind.

And the wackos come out to support Tomkat

Thank L. Ron Hubbard. Don’t thank God, as He didn’t have anything to do with It. But fellow Scientologist flakes John Travolta and Anne Archer are lending support for the cult’s approved method of silent birthing. ‘Cause you know, any of those loud sounds that a baby picks up before birth can have a big negative effect on it later in life. So what about all those other loud sounds in daily life that aren’t human voices? You know, like the sounds of keyboards such as this one merrily tapping away in cynical glee of a hopeful and expected demise of this whole Tomkat charade? Well, I suppose the baby really is safe, as there hasn’t been any thunderous applause for its robot mommy and alien father for some years now. But hey, Anne Archer…yeah, that’s some really super back catching there.

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