Author: Ross Ruediger (Page 12 of 16)

The Sword in the Stone

“The Sword in the Stone” is one of Disney’s lesser-known animated features, and probably with good reason. It’s just not a very interesting or charming film, and pales in comparison to fare like “The Jungle Book” and “Alice in Wonderland.” It tells the tale of Wart, a young boy living in merry old England. He is, of course, an unnamed young King Arthur, and the movie purports to tell of his first meetings with Merlin, and how he came to pull the sword from the stone. Problem being is that it’s all something of a washout. The bulk of the film is spent with Merlin turning Wart into various critters – a fish, a squirrel, and finally a bird – in order to teach him something about survival. Each sequence takes up a good ten minutes of the 80-minute film, and there’s a song to go along with each transformation. Most of the music isn’t very good and the film didn’t produce even a single classic Disney tune that we all still hum to this day. Further, Wart never has a British accent, and indeed most of the voices in the film border on the unconvincing. Merlin is really the lead, but he’s such a goofy old fuddy-duddy it’s tough to take any interest in what he’s trying to accomplish with the boy. Really the only reason to watch “The Sword in the Stone” is for the animation, which is up to the usual high standard of the era (the film was released in 1963), and one sequence in the third act in which Merlin battles a witch named Madam Mim is probably the only highlight of the otherwise bland tale – but even that can only be admired for the animation, because, unsurprisingly, the entire scene consists of the two characters turning into various critters. By the time Wart/Arthur pulls the sword from the stone, you’ll be pulling out that dusty old disc of “Excalibur” that you haven’t watched in several years.

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Jekyll and Hyde…Together Again

Here’s a little piece of nostalgia that’s got a small but rabid cult following, due mostly to repeated airings on “Night Flight,” an ‘80s variety show responsible for unleashing all manner of depravity on late night TV viewers back in the day. “Jekyll and Hyde…Together Again” is not your typical retelling of the Robert Louis Stevenson classic. No, instead it’s basically one big cocaine joke. Dr. Jekyll (Mark Blankfield) is so devoted to the world of science and surgery that he barely even notices his society girlfriend Mary (Bess Armstrong). One wonders if they’ve ever even had sex. Late one night in his lab, as he tries in vain to perfect a miracle drug that will benefit mankind, two of his powders inadvertently mix together. In a sequence that must be seen to be believed, he falls asleep and accidentally snorts the new chemical (through a straw, no less), Mr. Hyde is unleashed, and Blankfield gives his real performance in the film. He sprouts hair in new places, a leisure suit, gaudy jewelry and even grows a coke nail. Instant swinger! Hyde goes out on the town to find Ivy (Krista Errickson), a hooker and former patient who briefly transfixed Jekyll earlier in the film. They have an insane night before he reverts back to the good doctor, and of course the cycle repeats itself several times before it’s all over. The third act, set in England and featuring an extensive sequence shot in black and white, is far more inventive than it probably needed to be. But the same can be said for much of the film: It’s a one-joke movie with dozens of priceless gags. Before the final credits roll, the camera pans down into Stevenson’s grave to catch his corpse spinning round and round.

“Jekyll and Hyde…Together Again” is by no means great cinema, but it is a hell of a tasteless good time, and I laughed out loud more times than I can count on two hands. It’s a relic of another era, and much of its success is due to Blankfield’s dual (dueling?) performances. Here’s a guy who’s all but fallen off the map, although his last IMDB credit is as Dr. Miller in the first season “Arrested Development” episode, “My Mother the Car.” A subtle nod to his doctor in this underground classic? If so, props to Mitch Hurwitz and Co. There’s a place for Blankfield in the movies of today, it just hasn’t yet been carved. The movie is an easy recommendation to anyone looking for laughs off the beaten path. If it still seems like a backhanded compliment, then there’s the added bonus of Tim Thomerson playing a closeted homosexual…in a totally non-P.C. manner, of course. Those wacky ‘80s!

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Secret Diary of a Call Girl: Season One, Ep. 4

“Call Girl’s” fourth episode was easily its best yet. An odd mixture of S & M and tests of friendship and trust, it delivered a tight story over its typically brief running time. It begins with Belle (Billie Piper) in bed with her accountant (Simon Kunz), who apparently trades his services for hers. They appear to have a friendly, relaxed relationship, but it seems the accountant (who I believe went unnamed in the story) wants something a little different. He has thoughts and fantasies that fall outside her typical business dealings. Yes, the guy wants to delve into the arena of sadomasochism, which is hardly Belle’s specialty.

So she visits her manager, Stephanie (Cheri Lunghi) for some advice, and the woman clearly doesn’t have any, but she knows someone who does. During an outing with Ben (Iddo Goldberg), Hannah finds a new source of frustration that rivals her inability to be honest with him: He reveals that he’s marrying Vanessa, and that the engagement was made at least six weeks ago when he was on holiday. Hannah’s enraged. Why is this the first she’s heard of it? Ben explains that much of it has to do with her own secretive life.

Back at Belle’s flat, Mistress Sirona (Sally Dexter) arrives, with a slave (Darren Clarke) in hand (so to speak). She’s there to give Belle tips on how to be an effective mistress. As soon as they enter, she orders the slave to undress, as he’s not allowed clothes indoors. Belle offers them something to drink, and Sirona gives the slave permission to answer. He says that yes he would like something to drink, and Sirona tells him he’s welcome to drink from Belle’s toilet, but Belle instead gives him a dish to drink from. At this point, the scene is funny, sad, or erotic (I suppose) depending on your tastes and prejudices. I’ve never quite understood the whole S & M scene myself, but this episode did a really good job of explaining its quirks and why it’s at all appealing to anyone. Sirona shows Belle all the various places where a slave can be safely whipped, as well as pointing out the many areas that should be avoided – after all, this is fantasy role play; nobody’s in it to actually get hurt. Afterwards, as the slave cowers beneath the dining room table licking his mistress’ boots, and the two women converse, Sirona unveils her S & M wisdom. For a slave, it’s the release from power that’s the turn on. It’s not he who is doing all these filthy, degrading acts, it’s his mistress who’s making him do it. Belle gets it and is ready to give it a spin.

She goes about redecorating her living room into a makeshift dungeon and purchases a variety of whips and paddles as well as kinky leather mistress outfit. When the accountant arrives, she orders him to undress just as Sirona did her slave, and gives him only a thong to wear. The pair go through many of the same motions that Sirona used, although Belle admits to us that she has no idea whether or not he’s even enjoying it, or when the session is over. Since there’s no sex involved, and therefore no orgasm, how is she to know when he’s satisfied? In the midst of her boredom, she calls Ben, has a conversation which infuriates her, and she ends up taking it out on the accountant through a series of beatings that become just a tad too intense for the poor guy, and he ends up yelping the agreed upon safe word, “Red.” Both people seem embarrassed and humiliated, and the session clearly didn’t work out the way it was meant to.

As the episode draws to a close, Hannah again visits Ben, and her secrecy is still the hot topic. As she leaves, she texts him the information to her website, giving up her secret life and finally sharing it with someone. We don’t see Ben’s reaction; we can only assume that he’s now in the know.

For an episode that could have been played for laughs, the goings-on here seemed to be treated with an awful lot of respect, which is a good thing. The scene with Belle beating the accountant over her frustrations with Ben was in particular very strong, and kudos to Simon Kunz for being brave enough to convincingly play this complex man. Mostly though, the episode really kicked into a higher gear the relationship between Hannah and Ben, which is the area of the series that continues to be the reason for tuning in. Where are these people going together, and is it somewhere we’ll also want to visit?

Secret Diary of a Call Girl: Season One, Ep. 3

Episode three begins with Belle (Billie Piper) explaining that she’s about to pull an “all nighter,” which given the premise of the series sounds incredibly sleazy. But it turns out not to be so much – or at least not at first. Her client is Ashok (Ace Bhatti) and she claims he was her first, “professionally speaking.” He’s a married man whose wife hasn’t slept with him in five years, and apparently he’s one of Belle’s regulars. Her job is to spend the night with him in a classy hotel and give him the “girlfriend” treatment, which is somewhat in demand these days in the call girl scene. Aside from sex, what the guy really wants is an evening of company, cuddling and maybe even some conversation, and he’s willing to pay big bucks for it. She even brings him a Philip Roth novel that she thinks he will enjoy, and he does indeed seem interested and pleased that she thought of him.

But as the night wears on, Ashok falls asleep and Belle tells the audience she’s never actually “slept” with a client. She gets restless, and calls best bud Ben (Iddo Goldberg) who’s busy playing a video game and believes Hannah’s working late at the office. His girlfriend Vanessa struts around their apartment, but all we ever see of her is the body since her head is always out of frame. We may never get to know much more about her from the looks of things. When she dangles her panties in front of him, Ben quickly gets off the phone with Hannah. Belle decides to pop out of the room for a bit, leaving a note saying she’s gone out for cigarettes in case he should wake up. Down in the hotel she chats up the front desk clerk (Matt Day) and they discuss benign matters such as whether or not a woman in the hotel is a transvestite. Before long she drifts into the bar area, where she meets a guy who clearly sees her for what she is, and the money he’s offering is too much for Belle to pass up.

She assumes this one will go quickly and she can be in and out of his room and Ash will be none the wiser. But the guy turns out to be one of those with all manner of tantric tricks who can go on and on and on. And he does. Eventually Belle tires of the scene and it turns out she’s got a trick of her own: She slips a condom over her finger and shoves it into a particularly dark orifice in his body, and he, on cue, shoots his load. All great fun, and just a little seedy – but hey, that’s why we watch “Secret Diary of a Call Girl.” Belle heads back to Ash’s room, and finishes off her all nighter, slips the desk clerk an envelope of cash, and Hannah drifts off into the London morning for breakfast with Ben.

All in all this was the least interesting installment so far, but not without its charms. Piper shows a little more skin (ahem, not that that’s why I watch), and there was a particularly tastefully shot music video sequence of Belle taking a shower. The relationship with Ash was also mildly appealing, as it was nice to see Belle genuinely enjoy a client with out any hang-ups. One of the frustrating things about the show is that it feels as if it’s over just as it’s beginning. Somehow the 22-minute episodes fly by and are over before you know it, which I suppose is a sign that they’re doing something right, but the series could really benefit from having a full 30 minutes to work with each week.

Secret Diary of a Call Girl: Season One, Ep. 2

Belle’s got a special date tonight, but it’s more of a “where” than a “who.” A client, Alexander, is taking her to a chic private sex party – the sort of thing you need an invitation to get into, and something she’s always dreamed of attending. She’s vamped out in a little back dress, an elaborate choker, and a neat black wig – ready to enjoy a night of decadence. But such nights often don’t go as planned, and she ends up in the most unexpected of places as the dawn crowns a new London day.

Alexander (Aleksandar Mikic), like any of Belle’s clients, has expectations and demands. He is paying for a service that she is there to provide. He needed date for the party, but he also appears slightly geeky and inadequate. Belle isn’t just his ticket in; he also plans to own her and her every move for the night. At first things go as planned as they take in the ambience of the situation and visit one room after another. It is an elaborate setup, in a safe “Eyes Wide Shut” sort of way, although without nearly as much naked flesh on display. (The lighting, in fact, echoes the strands of lights that decorated Sydney Pollack’s party at the beginning of that movie.) Alexander tells her he doesn’t plan to have sex with her at the party. He’d prefer to wait, and have one man after another lust over her, and then after they leave when she just can’t take it anymore, he’ll ravage her at home. On cue, Belle looks at the camera in disbelief.

The pair is momentarily separated when Belle clumsily bumps into another man (Jamie Sives), spilling wine all over them both. They apologize and flirt and he goes on his way. She tells us she recognizes him, and that could be awkward. She must go through her mental Rolodex of all the men she’s slept with. “This could take a while,” she deadpans. She realizes that she doesn’t know him personally, but rather he happens to be one of her favorite authors, Jay Lorre, and she recognizes him from the backs of his books’ dust jackets. She tracks him down again, only this time he’s with someone – maybe his wife, maybe his girlfriend, maybe his date. In any case, the woman exhibits no jealousy as he and Belle talk each other up. Just as things begin to heat up, Alexander shows up to stake his claim. He drags Belle away from a far more interesting situation.

But Belle isn’t about to give up that easily. She hooks up Alexander with another woman by engaging them in some geekspeak and she once again heads off to find the writer. This time things get considerably more heated and they end up in one the back rooms where anything goes. There’s a fairly tasteful shot of a guy banging a woman in the background. You can’t see anything and yet you can see plenty. Belle and Jay get into the mood and fall back on a bed. Before she knows it, his partner is right alongside them, and Belle engages in a lengthy kiss with her. (Stop me when I begin sounding like a Harlequin romance novelist.) Things are definitely going in the right direction and it’s no doubt a very hot scene. Suddenly Belle realizes her professional duties. She tears herself away from them with the promise of more to come. She enlists the aid of a waiter and then finds Alexander. The waiter shows up and tells he she’s got an important call on the emergency line. There is no call, but Belle and the waiter exchange pleasantries as she buys some time. When she returns to her client, she tells him she must go “for personal reasons.” He’ll of course get a refund. The poor guy’s evening is a bust, but we don’t really feel sorry for him. After all, Belle’s got a far more exciting journey to go on – finishing the night off with the couple. Just as she’s ready to head off with them, she checks her phone only to find several messages from her family. “For personal reasons” she must now leave the couple as well.

Enter Hannah, as Belle removes the wig and choker, and she goes to the local hospital where her sister has just given birth to a son. Her family, as well as best friend Ben (Iddo Goldberg), are all there, and somewhat surprised by her dress, which she explains away as part of a work function. The sister in particular is snotty and seems annoyed that Belle is never around for anything important. Ben drives Hannah home in the morning and finds the black wig in her purse. He’s not sure what to think, but knows that she wasn’t doing anything that had to do with work. Hannah climbs into bed (but not before showing us a fantastic shot of Billie’s butt) with a Jay Lorre novel and rationalizes that at least she can be in bed with her favorite novelist, even if it isn’t quite the way she expected.

This was a nice episode, slickly shot and full of humor, that eventually further underscored the dual Belle/Hannah lifestyle. Belle was much easier to like here, especially in her attempts to ditch Alexander, a guy that’s very difficult to care about. Likewise, her dealings with the writer are an interesting setup that we wish would pay off. There’s a voyeuristic quality to the episode, more so than last time. I think this show is corrupting me and making me into a much dirtier person than I really am. (Yeah, right!) As far as the recent news items claiming Piper thinks her career may be over since she’s showing some skin, I don’t think she’s got much to worry about. (Further, I believe her comments have been somewhat taken out of context – I think she was half joking.) The first episode of this series scored Showtime its highest ratings ever for the premiere of a new series.

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