Author: Mike Farley (Page 94 of 117)

American Idol: California Dreamin’

Last night “American Idol” gave me a gift. They gave me an hour of my life, since the show was only one hour long instead of the agonizing two hours as it was both nights last week. What’s more, I get another one-hour episode tonight. I mean, that’s a whole hour to eat, sleep, watch something else, or practice being me.

And since the auditions were held in San Diego, the contestants heading to Hollywood would have to only drive a few hours north for the next round. Okay, on with those auditions, and we’ll start with the freaks again:

Some dude named Marat was wearing a puffy white shirt, ala Jerry Seinfeld in the “I don’t wanna be a pirate” episode. He was awful, and since the show was just one hour, they followed that up with a medley of freaks and crap.

Then there was Valerie, who admitted her own idol was Mariah Carey. Uh-oh. Anyway, Val was all breath and technique and had no real voice of her own. Simon said she sounded like Mariah Carey after the CD had been left out in the sun for a year. Randy said it was a terrible audition but that beneath all the technique, there was actually some tone. The best part? Valerie realized that she would be in the “rejects” portion of the show. You got that right!

This was followed by a duo of some dude wearing a sombrero, and a mime. The gimmicks Continue reading »

American Idol: Back To The Future

Last night’s “American Idol” featured primary auditions from Dallas, Texas. And the show had to harp on the fact that this is where they found Kelly Clarkson six years ago..and I mean, they HARPED on it. Back away from yourselves Idol, we all know your impact on pop music and that you suck us all in to watch these first episodes of frogs and princesses.

With that, here are the frogs and princesses from last night:

Paul Stafford, a park attendant who they showed picking up trash at work, looked like a real-life Dilbert, and he sang just like you would expect him to. Next.

Beth, a singing waitress who was borderline obsessed with Kelly Clarkson, was not as good as you would expect. Simon commented that he couldn’t understand a word Beth was singing, and I completely agree.

Then there was Bruce, who admitted that he, at 19, has never kissed a girl. What’s more, he had some stupid key on a necklace because he’s waiting for the perfect woman to unlock her heart. That sound you just heard is every eligible woman in America running the other way. Still, Bruce sang “Ain’t No Sunshine” and wasn’t all that bad, but not good enough.

There was a student from Austin Continue reading »

American Idol: The Freak Show Resumes

Season 7 of the hit Fox reality show “American Idol” began last night, and it was with the usual stars and freaks that make it to the TV portion of the opening round. The first auditions were held in Philadelphia, so after they went through the usual crap about the Liberty Bell and Brotherly Love, it was on to the performances. And as always with these opening shows, there were highlights and lowlights.

First, the freaks….

“Yuka” sang a Bee Gees song, but before he did said something about how women find him sexy, and that he loves women from their “heads to their nipples.” Are you kidding me? Do I even have to tell you how his performance was?

James Lewis, a Philly tour guide who said his customers encouraged him to audition (note that these were tourists who would likely never see him again), said he was inspired by the likes of Eddie Vedder. So what does he sing? A standard, “Go Down Moses,” which he pretty much sang on one really low note, both literally and figuratively. Paula and Randy could not stop laughing, and neither could I.

Temptress Brown, a 16-year-old with an ailing mom (there are two hours to fill, people!), said she was a football player—a linebacker to be precise, so you know she is not small.
Temptress had an awful voice, and when the judges let her know this, she started crying uncontrollably. Even Simon was sympathetic though, and all three judges hugged Temptress and walked her out to her family.

Mark Hayes, an 18-year-old dude who can simulate cricket noise, attempted “White Christmas,” and then real crickets started chirping.

Then there was Udgeet. Seriously, did anyone named John or Joe or Lisa audition? Anyway, this dude admitted that in his day job at an auto finance company, he incorporated music and fun, doing things like MC Hammer impersonations. So ol’ Udgeet proceeded to sing Sinatra’s “My Way” on one note…seriously. Simon properly told him to go back to his day job.

Alexis Cohen, who they showed to be living in a crappy apartment with her mom and about 12 cats, seemed harmless at first, and then sang Jefferson Airplane’s “Somebody To Love.” Her voice wasn’t horrible, but she was shouting and appeared to be nervous and uncomfortable. Then when she got the bad news, it was like someone flipped a switch, or the producers egged her on, because Alexis went nuts, throwing F-bombs and attempting to moon Simon to the camera…thankfully without actually pulling her pants down.

Continue reading »

Kitchen Nightmares: Season Ends With F-Bombs

In the season finale of “Kitchen Nightmares,” Gordon Ramsey ventures out to Moorpark, California to revamp the failing Secret Garden restaurant. The restaurant features French food and a chef/owner named Michel who is very full of himself and his foo-foo menu. He’s also about 300K in debt and needs help because no one is eating there anymore.

After finding that the front door to the restaurant does not even function and having to enter through the back, Ramsey sits down to sample the food. He orders a salad with garlic shrimp and strawberries, and some kind of steak with fried potatoes on top. He sends the salad back, saying that it’s disgusting. Then he says the steak is tough and that the potatoes are just a greasy mess on top. I’m grossed out already, are you? But then Ramsey goes into the kitchen and tells Michel his food sucks.
He then tells him that he’s too far up his own ass to care about anything. Wow. But this was just setting the tone.

The next day, Ramsey inspects the kitchen and finds mold growing in the refrigerator. He makes the entire staff spend the day cleaning the kitchen, after which they prepare for the dinner service that night. Ramsey is mortified that many people are ordering this strawberry “canape,” which is a tiny appetizer. He also notices that every meat entree is crusted in something and says that the menu needs to be simplified for things to run smoother. When he presents this idea to Michel, he is furious and argues with Ramsey some more. But Ramsey wins out and some of the items are presented at the dinner service, which nevertheless gets backed up due to a lack of communication among everyone.
Michel winds up snapping at his servers, making some of them cry.

Then Ramsey has his design team come in as he always does, and gears up for a revamped dinner service with his menu in place. Michel is worried about the changes, saying they will hurt his business rather than help. But since most of Michel’s customers are senior citizens, Ramsey thinks a newer, fresher menu will attract some younger folks too.

The restaurant is packed that night, and a food critic is in attendance as well. That critic sends back her fish dish, saying it’s too salty and over-seasoned. This prompts Michel to revert back to his old menu, which makes Ramsey call him a lazy pig (with many f-bombs thrown in) and storm out.

But Ramsey decides he can’t give up on The Secret Garden and winds up going back. After the critic tries something from the newer menu, she raves about it. Then Michel polls some of his customers and finds out that they all love the new menu items. He admits to himself and to Ramsey that he had been wrong, and that he will go along with the new menu. It doesn’t hurt that he made a ton of money that evening. He even promotes his top server, Jane, to manager.

This one winds up having a happy ending, when it appeared Ramsey might just bail out on the stubborn French chef.

It’s been a fun season, and who knows if the show will be back for a second season. But it sure is interesting seeing how Gordon Ramsey can whip people into shape in a matter of days and turn things around. See you all next month for the return of “American Idol.”

Kitchen Nightmares: Tony Soprano Might Eat Here

Last night’s Kitchen Nightmares featured an Italian restaurant called Campania’s, located in Fairlawn, New Jersey, which is 20 minutes from New York City. Looking at the location and surroundings, it felt like this restaurant was located on the set of The Sopranos. Like you could imagine that meat store Tony and his boys hang out at being in the same strip mall. But I digress….

Gordon Ramsey was sent to rescue Campania’s from impending bankruptcy. Its owner/chef, Joe, was about $80K in debt and nobody was eating there anymore. In addition, he had too much food inventory, too many employees to pay, and was running his business like a frat party.

They showed the staff joking around, including Joe, head chef Gene, servers Josette and Jessica and pretty much everyone else. They interviewed Joe’s mom, Pat, who was worried about his son’s business and his health.

So Ramsey sits down and orders lunch so he can sample the food at Campania’s. He orders tortellini soup, some kind of sausage ravioli and chicken with what I think was a pistachio crust. After waiting more than 20 minutes for his soup, Ramsey was extremely disappointed. The soup was bland, the ravioli had too much garlic and the chicken was dry. The next day, he inspects the fridge and notices that there is way too much food for the amount of business the place is doing. He finds out that Campania’s serves huge portions and folks are always taking food home. In addition, Ramsey starts sending wait staff home because the place just has too much overhead. After the dinner service confirms a lot of these problems to Ramsey, he sits down with Joe and tells him he needs to make some changes to his business. Joe is hard-headed but in the end realizes that Ramsey is correct.

Ramsey even visits Joe’s house and his wife Melissa, who looks like Marisa Tomei. Melissa wants Joe to succeed so badly but knows he needs to make changes as well at the restaurant.

The first thing that Ramsey does when he returns to the restaurant is teach the staff how to make some great meatballs, and suggests that instead of the flashy dishes they are serving, that the restaurant go back to basics and feature these meatballs. He paints the Campania’s logo on a van and takes some of the staff with him to serve the meatballs on the street, calling them “New Jersey’s Best Meatballs.” People on the street are loving it. Then, the design team re-does the interior as well as the signage out front, and the kitchen is equipped with a new stove. Finally, Ramsey institutes the use of smaller plates, forcing the portion sizes to shrink, and simplifies the menu.

In the new dinner service, the wait staff likes the new menu, and gets to play “bingo” as Ramsey says whoever sells one of each item on the menu takes home $100. Most of the customers love the food, except for an older woman that says everything is terrible…Ramsey sticks up for his chefs and calls the woman an “old bag” to her face. That’s great television. Then, another woman who says the food is like “Ragu,” gets berated by another customer who is drunk. Again, great TV.

So with the new menu and the staff more serious about their work, Campania’s begins to make money. Thankfully, there is no footnote that the place has closed down five months later…as far as we know, Campania’s is still going strong and Joe is back on track to making money. I know I want to go taste those meatballs now!

Next week’s show is a repeat, so I’m not sure if and when Kitchen Nightmares will return with new episodes. But until then, see ya!

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