“Japon”
Carlos Reygadas’ directorial debut is an incredibly lackluster tale about one man’s journey to the Mexican countryside as he prepares for his imminent death. Why it’s called “Japon” (“Japan” in English) is beyond me (I didn’t get that far), but whatever the reason, it hardly justifies making the audience watch the unceremonious death of an innocent pigeon. Next!
“Battle in Heaven”
Oh god, not another film by Carlos Reygadas! A quick note to the director: watching a fat Mexican couple have sex isn’t art, it’s disgusting. Further more, “Battle in Heaven” is filled with so much dead time that you’re bound to fall asleep and miss the one redeeming thing about the film: sexy newcomer Anapola Mushkadiz. I can’t seem to understand why Reygadas’ films have been treated so gloriously by the critics. They’re amateurish at best, and quite frankly, not worth all the commotion.
“Plan B”
What the hell is Diane Keaton doing in a low-budget mobster comedy? Was her career on that bad of a downswing at the turn of the millennium? If so, isn’t this what good agents are supposed to keep talented clients away from? And if my rhetorical questions aren’t convincing enough, how about this little tidbit of information: the film was shot five years ago and has been sitting in the Warner Brothers vaults the entire time. They’ve finally released it on DVD, but I doubt anybody is dumb enough to buy a movie where Paul Sorvino is the second biggest lead.
“The Nanny: The Complete Second Season”
Let me be quite clear when I say that I’d rather eat a bucket of nails than watch a single episode of “The Nanny” ever again. Fran Drescher drove me crazy enough in the 90s, and the simple fact that her series ran for six seasons (when shows like “Arrested Development” only get three) makes me want to throw up. That being said, not even my DVD player would accept any of the three discs from the second season release, perhaps because it’s worried that it may never work again. You heard me right. Even my DVD player is rejecting Fran Dresher. Now that’s good craftsmanship!
