Author: Jason Zingale (Page 118 of 154)

Rapid Fire Rejects, Volume X

“Guys and Balls”
The following conversation occurred when a press release for the new comedy appeared in my inbox:

“I’ll check this out. It could be funny.”
“For real?”
“Sure, I’ll give anything about soccer a chance… even if it’s about gay German soccer.”

Unfortunately, it’s not very funny, and there isn’t quite enough soccer to warrant anyone not from the LGBT community to give this a shot.

“8th and Ocean: The Complete First Season”
This may just be the dumbest show on television. Ten superficial models lay around their free apartments in Miami, Florida bitching about the following “problems”:

1. I’m too skinny
2. I have acne, and my twin sister doesn’t
3. I’m so good looking, I can have any girl I want
4. I can’t take off my bra during a shoot, or Jesus might find out

Boo-hoo. What can only be described as “The Real World: Laguna Beach” (in other words, it takes the worst parts of both shows – which is pretty much everything), “8th & Ocean” may be appealing to teenage girls curious about the modeling business, but any other self-respecting person would never tune in to this garbage.

“Windy City Heat”
Dubbed by many as one of the funniest movies ever made, this Comedy Central production about an elaborate prank on wannabe actor Perry Caravello is one of the absolute worst “comedies” that I’ve ever been forced to sit through. Do people really find an untalented, overweight schmuck screaming like a banshee for 90 minutes hilarious? That’s just sad. Very, very sad.

“Love For Rent”
Oh gawd, just what we didn’t need: another lost-in-translation love story about a poor Latin girl who falls for a rich American guy. Don’t watch this film. Instead, go rent “Love Actually” or “Spanglish.”

DVD shuffle: 09/26/06

Out on DVD this week:

1) The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift – RENT: No one makes a more enjoyable popcorn flick than the import racing franchise. Plus, there are lots of hot Japanese girls to oogle at.

2) The Lake House – PASS: Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves fall in love… two years apart. How fascinating! Actually, no, not at all.

3) Curious George – RENT: Kids are going to love this full-length feature about the troublesome monkey, but adults may find it a bit too – what’s the word – childish.

Also out on DVD this week are a couple indies (“Down in the Valley,” “Notorious Bettie Page”), a few horror reissues (“A Nightmare on Elm Street,” “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre”) and new TV season sets of “The Batman,” “Teen Titans” and “One Tree Hill.”

The first day

(Note: This is an early review of next week’s episode. If you have HBO On Demand, watch it now. Otherwise, wait until Sunday to avoid spoilers.)

When I heard about all of these other critics saying that “The Wire” was the best show on television, I couldn’t help but question their reasoning. It’s not that I don’t enjoy the show (because I do), but I also find it very difficult to give anything the “best” label. After watching episode three, however, there’s not a doubt in my mind that the HBO drama is certainly in the running. It wasn’t even a spectacular episode by most standards (there have certainly been better), but so much happened throughout the course of the show that really got me thinking just how multilayered (and unique) this series is.

Perhaps I liked this week’s episode so much because almost every character was given something to do. Even Omar made his big debut, although he didn’t appear nearly as entertaining or threatening as in past seasons. Maybe it’s the new do, or the fact that he traipsed the streets in a silk robe that kind of lost respect points on my end, but here’s hoping that he plays a much bigger part further into this season. I sure would like to see him face off against Marlo’s crew – namely Chris and Snoop – in a big gunfight. That would create some bodies, and that would give the Detail a reason to get back together.

For now, however, it looks like the Detail has been shut down. With only four remaining members causing trouble around town with their issued subpoenas, Capt. Rawls has decided to kill the project by issuing the unit a new Lieutenant. A move that eventually causes Kima and Lestor to throw in the towel and ask for new assignments in homicide.

They’re not the only ones with new jobs, either. Herc gets the call from the Mayor for what looks to become the fast-track to Sergeant, and after Bunny Colvin quits a decent gig working as the head of security at some fancy hotel, he’s decided to hook up with Social Services as a consultant for a new experimental project in the schools. Apparently, it looks like they’re going to separate the good kids from the bad, with the hope that the bad kids will be much easier to teach as one group. It’s not a bad idea, and one that (according to the recently-aired “Wire” specials) has actually worked in Baltimore.

Speaking of school, Prez certainly has his hands full. His first day doesn’t go very smoothly, and what first appears to be a simple problem of disciplining the students to listen, quickly snowballs into a much bigger situation when a girl slashes another student’s face with a razor blade… for the dumbest reason ever.

It’s official: things are about to get very interesting, but I’m too sure McNulty is going to be there when it all goes down. He seems pretty happy (and domesticated) in his new life with Beatty, and while Bunk doesn’t buy the new image, McNulty assures him that it’s the real thing. And while I would normally be ready to count McNulty out of the game, “The Wire” has a history of never really getting started until midseason. It takes a little while to build up such complicated storylines, but if he isn’t riding with the pack by episode seven, I’d say he’s pretty much a beat cop for good.

DVD shuffle: 09/19/06

Out on DVD this week:

1) Stay Alive – PASS: You probably already knew this, but this movie isn’t very good.

2) Stick It – RENT: It’s no “Bring It On,” but it’s got spunk.

3) Hard Candy – BUY: Hands down the best indie flick of the year… if not the best film of 2006.

Also in stores: re-releases of “Grease” and “Backdraft,” and new TV season releases of “My Name Is Earl,” “The Unit,” “Battlestar Galactica” and “King of Queens.”

Paint it white

(Note: This is an early review of next week’s episode. If you have HBO On Demand, watch it now. Otherwise, wait until Sunday to avoid spoilers.)

For all of the whining that Carcetti did about not having any chance at winning the election, he sure wiped the floor with Royce during the debate; and Gray barely even got a word in. Of course, Carcetti couldn’t have done it without the help of Major Valcheck, who tipped him off to the murder of yet another state’s witness. It looks like that formal letter to the mayor finally paid off, and that’s not even the worst of Royce’s worries. While searching for his Lieutenant in the city government building, Herc accidentally walked in on the mayor getting a blowjob from his assistant. And while Herc is gonna try his darndest to keep his mouth shut (since loyalty = promotion), it’s only a matter of time before this makes its way into the public.

All isn’t well for many of the government officers, in fact, especially now that Lestor and Kima have begun delivering the money laundering subpoenas to several of the city officials (courtesy of the Major Crimes detail), including Senator Clay Davis, who might just have the coolest articulation of “shit” (“Sheeeeeeiiiiiit”) I’ve ever heard. In fact, it’s amusing to watch some of these rich assholes sweat as poorly-paid (but smart) police officers prepare to send them to jail. The new season may appear to be all about the education system, but it’s just as much about politics, which is why Marlo’s sudden decision to play the role of Robin Hood (handing out money to all of the kids on the street) is so intriguing. This may not be the hardest guy on the streets, but he definitely knows how to attract all of the youngins over to his side of the woods.

Meanwhile, Prez prepares for the start of a new school year, and two more characters jump on the education bandwagon: Bubbles, who has taken on a fatherly role by enrolling the young kid that’s been slinging with him in school, and Cutty, who’s burgeoning city boxing program is succeeding as another outlet for troubled teens. Unfortunately, this only means that the big debut of Omar has been delayed yet again (but the specials currently airing on HBO Demand promise that he is returning, and very soon), and while I could very well spend the next few minutes reminding everyone why the stick-up man is one of the best characters on the show, I’ll turn my attention to the complete absence of McNulty in the second episode. I mean, he is still the main character, right? It’s not just Dominic West, either, but most of the principal cast from the first three seasons Where have they been these past two weeks, and more importantly, when are they coming back?

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