With apologies to Camper Van Beethoven: “Passion of the Christ” director and wacko fundamentalist Mayan linguist Mel Gibson is shipping an eight-lane bowling alley to his private island hideaway located in northern Fiji, according to recent reports.
Which makes perfect sense, because I don’t know about you, but the first thing I think about when scheduling a relaxing beachfront vacation in Fiji is, “Damn, what if they don’t have any good bowling alleys?”
“No, seriously, write that down: I’m Brian Fellow, noted animal expert and host of Safari Planet. Or possibly Astronaut Jones. Definitely not Tracy Morgan…”
“Brian Fellow is not an accredited zoologist, nor does he hold an advanced degree in any of the environmental sciences. He is simply an enthusiastic young man with a sixth grade education and an abiding love for all of God’s creatures…”
…And he has just been placed on three years’ probation after pleading no contest to his recent DUI charges.
Okay, the Niggas in question are actually items of clothing, and so far he’s having zero success getting his proposed brand name trademarked…but STILL.
Granted, Damon’s intended target market for the clothing line is probably not whitebread suburban chicks who watch “Desperate Housewives” and shop at Ann Taylor Loft…but I just don’t think Mr. Wayans has fully thought through the implications of an extremely financially successful African-American seeking to sell street-smart Niggas to the population at large.
I can’t top Defamer’s take on the story, so read it here and enjoy for yourself. Bad Idea Jeans, indeed!
Fans of Joss Whedon’s former TV shows are having an excellent year, with Whedon alums Alyson Hannigan (Willow), David Boreanaz (Angel), and Charisma Carpenter (Cordelia) all happily ensconced in hit shows. James Marsters (Spike) had a nice recurring role on “Smallville,” Nicholas Brendon (Xander) had a near-miss with “Kitchen Confidential,” Nathan Fillion (Malcolm) has a horror movie coming out soon, and, well, Michelle Trachtenberg did a Lifetime movie that at least helped prove that sometimes good books shouldn’t be made into Lifetime movies for any amount of money.
Next up for the Whedon army: the return of Charles Gunn (actor J. August Richards), who will put his Wolfram & Hart-gained courtroom skills back to work in NBC’s upcoming drama “Conviction” as Assistant DA Billy Desmond. But who would have thought the street-smart African-American (vampire-slaying) gang member would end up getting typecast as…a lawyer?
For those with truly Josstastic memories, “Conviction” also stars Eric Balfour (better known as Milo from the first season of “24,” or as Theresa’s ex on “The O.C.”) who was gleefully devoured by vampires in the pilot episode of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” It’s a Whedon two-fer!
NBC is making the “Conviction” pilot available for FREE download at iTunes, so the Whedonites won’t have to wait to get their fix of the stake-slinging, vampire-hating lawyer.
Quicker than a dolphin can say, “So long, and thanks for all the fish,” washboard-abbed sensation Will Toale has been replaced by washboard-abbed Justin Hartley in the CW’s plum role as superhero Aquaman.
What, do they think these shirtless, well-muscled young hunks are simply interchangeable? We have no doubt that Toale has spent numerous minutes exploring the character motivation behind lines like, “Hey, don’t touch that sea turtle!”
But now, sadly, it’s back to those underwear-model auditions. It’s a hard-knock life for the Man with Abs of Steel.
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