Author: Deb Medsker (Page 24 of 70)

Jessica Simpson launches new Hooters chain

daisy
“May I drop my pen for you?”

Well, okay: Technically, Simpson’s new line of restaurants featuring voluptuous, scantily clad waitresses who drop stuff a lot will be called “Daisy Duke’s,” named after Simpson’s voluptuous, scantily clad character in the recent Dukes of Hazzard film. Hot pants will be required attire for all staff except, presumably, big ol’ Chef Cooter and the rest of the kitchen crew.

Just like nearly every other major decision in Jessica’s life (when to lose her virginity; when to divorce her husband; whether to wear the low-cut dress or the really low-cut dress…), the restaurant plan is the brainchild of Jessica’s father/manager, Joe Simpson.

Both Simpson sisters and their manipulative, leering father were recently chastised by Christian minister Bob Harrington for using sex to sell their music and other products — a criticism this latest move seems unlikely to address:

Harrington fumed: “Their father has replaced his faith in the Lord with the love of money, which is the root of all evil. He has replaced holiness with horniness.

“Jessica and Ashlee will reap the dismal crops they are sowing. Their breasts will sag and their faces will wither and they will be left with nothing but a hollow shell.”

And, we hope, some tasty chicken wings.

Lindsay Lohan has a great fall


Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall…

Lindsay Lohan has fractured her wrist in two places. The official report is that she slipped and fell on it at a Fashion Week after-party because the host failed to take adequate precautions “to prevent slips on the slick ground.”

But we all know that’s not the real story, right? What really happened that night was either:

A), She broke it punching a wall after first-and-only-true love Wilmer Valderrama left the party with rumored fling Scarlett Johansson;
B), She smashed it against the face of whatever paparazzi leaked those shots of her firecrotch onto the internet;
C), The wrist broke all on its own, finally giving out after years of abuse lifting heavy glasses of alcohol and other long, hard, weighty objects; or
D), [insert your own explanation here]

Place your votes, folks! We’ll get to the bottom of this if it kills us…

Thursday night showdown: Preliminary Nielsen results

The Nielsen ratings for last night’s season premieres are in, and it’s a mixed bag.

On the plus side, ABC powerhouse “Grey’s Anatomy” beat former Thursday night champ “CSI” handily, scoring a 10.9 rating against the key Adults 18-49 demographic group vs. a still respectable 7.5 rating for “CSI.” This was one of the more highly-contested time slots on the entire fall schedule, and while “Grey’s” ratings may settle a bit lower after any cliffhanger-related curiosity ratings wear off, the gap is wide enough that ABC would still appear to have the edge for the near future.

More disappointingly, the season premieres of Emmy-award-winning comedy “The Office” and its lead-in “My Name Is Earl” were trounced not only by “Survivor” (which was perhaps to be expected), but also by a “Grey’s Anatomy” clip show.

Yes, you read that correctly: More people tuned in to view a CLIP SHOW of “Grey’s Anatomy” material from LAST SEASON than bothered to find out what happened after Jim and Pam kissed.

Is there no justice in the world?

A day at the soccer field

We just heart Go Fug Yourself so much, we had to share with you their take on this happy fall outing for America’s hottest, most totally heterosexual, not-faking-it, deeply in love soon-to-be-married couple:

TOM: Kate, what do you think of my hair?

KATIE: It’s amazing.

TOM: I set the Flowbie to stun. HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA. No, seriously, I actually just set it to “long.” You don’t think I look like a boy-bander? I think I look like a boy-bander. A little bit. A little boy-bandy.

KATIE: You look amazing.

TOM: What about my suit? Do you like my suit? Is my suit too movie-premiere-y for a soccer game?

KATIE: Your suit is amazing. Everyone wears Gucci to their child’s soccer game. Gucci is amazing.

TOM: Are you being sarcastic?

KATIE: I haven’t been sarcastic in 18 months. My head hurts too much.

TOM: Have some vitamins!

KATIE: Uh-huh.

TOM: WHAT’S THAT?

KATIE: Vitamins are amazing. Scientology rocks.

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