Author: Deb Medsker (Page 17 of 70)

Before there was “Borat”…

…there were “The Papdits,” an entire family of immigrants unfamiliar with American customs.

Once doomed to obscurity when their TV pilot (not-so-coincidentally written by Anthony Hine, who partnered with Sacha Baron Cohen on the “outline” for the largely improvised “Borat” film) was rejected by CBS, the wacky family from Kashmir has been hastily exhumed so that the network can cash in on the public’s current appetite for fumbling foreigners inadvertently placing Americans in uncomfortable situations.

You can view the full pilot for “The Papdits” online at CBS’s Innertube site…and you know what? It’s not bad. The Papdit papa confuses quartz crystal with crystal meth, and demonstrates a disturbing level of interest in how his mother-in-law might “accidentally” drown on a houseboat. His son aspires to be “important scientist like Doctor Doolittle.” And his wife — she from a region notorious for female infanticide — lets loose with this doozy:

“Our daughter is very strong swimmer. When she was a baby, she was falling from a bridge into the river, and she swam all the way back to shore. We don’t know how she got out of the sack.”

Now that’s comedy.

Your baby: Is she sexy enough?


“Who’s your Daddy?”

Anna Nicole Smith is setting new standards in infant sexiness, having reportedly already dyed her not-yet-two-month-old daughter’s hair. Surprisingly, the bottle blonde did not choose an alluring shade of platinum for the girl, but instead a tone that is actually darker than little Danniellyn’s natural color.

According to the Associated Press, Smith may have pulled the stunt to convince inquiring minds that the girl’s father is exactly who Smith says he is, the black-haired Howard K. Stern — rather than Smith’s ex Larry Birkhead, who also claims paternity (and has sandy blonde hair).

In her ongoing quest to lower the self-esteem of girls of all ages, Smith’s next project will presumably be to hire a personal trainer to place the tyke on a strict workout regimen, in order to help Danniellyn lose all that unsightly baby fat.

King of Pop finds his queen (and she’s legal)

Michael Jackson is in love. With a woman. No, really. Their eyes met across a crowded room, and…oh, never mind. We don’t believe the story, either.

We just hope that, if 39-year-old Nanny Chumbawumba is in fact going through with this transparent ruse, she takes their wedding vows with a spoonful of sugar salt…and is adequately compensated for her inconveniences. She may also want to give Katie Holmes a call, in order to glean a few tips on living life in the limelight of a loveless, ill-advised marriage to a carnival sideshow freak.

Teddy Ruxpin admits he’s no superkiller


Actor Gael Garcia Bernal

Though the role was his for the taking, Latin American teddy bear Gael Garcia Bernal has passed on the role of Jason Bourne’s latest nemesis in “The Bourne Ultimatum.” The actor cited schedule conflicts as his reason for declining the part…as opposed to the more obvious issue at hand, which is that moviegoers generally have a hard enough time buying the cuddly Bernal as a character who kills time, much less another human being.

Undaunted, filmmakers continue to seek a suitable replacement to play the ruthless assassin trailing Jason Bourne. Current frontrunners are rumored to be none other than the Snuggle Fabric Softener mascot or, if his asking price should prove too steep, one of the lesser Care Bears.

Bob Barker comes on down

After 50 years on television and 35 years hosting “The Price Is Right,” Bob Barker has announced that he will retire next June, at the age of 83, according to the Associated Press. And how does the Showcase Showman plan to spend his time off?

He said he’d take on a movie role if the right one came along, but filmmakers, take note: “I refuse to do nude scenes. These Hollywood producers want to capitalize on my obvious sexuality, but I don’t want to be just another beautiful body.”

Okay, that’s perhaps a mental image we could have done without…but props to Barker for retaining a sense of humor in his golden years. And besides, we’ll forgive the guy just about anything after his memorable appearance in “Happy Gilmore.”

To commemorate the elder statesman’s retirement, noted CBS tightwad Les Moonves has reportedly offered the game show host a solid gold wristwatch…but only if Barker can guess its exact cost.

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