The following photo is on People magazine’s site under their Star Watch section, or whatever the hell they call it. Look at this picture and tell me what’s wrong with it.
That’s right: everything. That ain’t Katie, kids. Look at the neck, the hair, the lips, “her” height, the face, the fucking GLOVES to hide the man hands, fer crissakes. That, ain’t, Katie. A guy in drag pretending to be Katie, perhaps. But not the real thing.
How long are they going to continue this charade? It’s insulting.
Yes, it’s blatant self-promotion at its finest, but this video, modeled after the “Saturday Night Live” auditions for “Star Wars” featuring Kevin Spacey, is awfully funny nonetheless. The guy may not look a thing like any of the people he’s impersonating, but his impressions are spot on. Well, okay, his DeNiro was pretty weak. The others, though, are awesome.
Based on Sunday’s estimates:
1) Inside Man: $28.9 million (first week)
We are totally buying a copy of “Kill Dat Nigga” the second it hits the shelves.
2) V for Vendetta: $12.3 million ($46.1 million, second week)
The revolution is coming…to a discount theater near you.
3) Stay Alive: $11.2 million (first week)
A video game that kills its players…written by Tipper Gore.
4) Failure to Launch: $10.8 million ($63.8 million, third week)
Don’t know about anyone else, but if Terry Bradshaw’s my dad, I’m getting the hell out the house as soon as possible.
5) The Shaggy Dog: $9.1 million ($47.9 million, third week)
Hard to believe that “Galaxy Quest” and “Toy Story 2,” his last two good movies, were from the last century.
Proof that there is a god: “Larry the Cable Guy: Health Inspector” finished seventh with $7 million. We can already see the drinking game that is created for this movie: any time there’s a fart joke, you know what to do.
It looks as though we at Premium Hollywood are not the only ones breathlessly awaiting the arrival of New Line’s “Snakes on a Plane.” The entire web, apparently, is abuzz over the movie, and the recent chatter, along with one fan’s self-made trailer for the movie, has convinced the film’s producers to do some more reshoots that will bump the movie up from what was already a borderline PG-13 rating to a bona fide R rating. More death, more nudity, and Samuel L. Jackson saying, “I want these motherfucking snakes off this motherfucking plane!” Does it get any better than that?
Forget “X-Men.” Forget “Superman.” The only movie coming out this summer that I give a damn about is “Snakes on a Plane.” It’s even become a Zen philosophy, like ‘shit happens.’
“Excuse me, Mr. Wazowski, your mortgage check bounced.”
“Hey, man, snakes on a plane.”
(To see the official trailer for “Snakes on a Plane,” click here. For up to the minute news, go to www.snakesonablog.com.)
This will likely be the first and last time that I use a piece from anyone associated with Fox News as a credible source, but it matches my personal opinion, dammit, so I’m running with it: Chef is not acting of his own accord. According to Roger Friedman:
Isaac Hayes did not quit “South Park.” My sources say that someone quit it for him.
I can tell you that Hayes is in no position to have quit anything. Contrary to news reports, the great writer, singer and musician suffered a stroke on Jan. 17. At the time it was said that he was hospitalized and suffering from exhaustion.
It’s also absolutely ridiculous to think that Hayes, who loved playing Chef on “South Park,” would suddenly turn against the show because they were poking fun at Scientology.
Last November, when the “Trapped in a Closet” episode of the comedy aired, I saw Hayes and spent time with him in Memphis for the annual Blues Ball.
If he hated the show so much, I doubt he would have performed his trademark hit song from the show, “Chocolate Salty Balls.” He tossed the song into the middle of one of his less salacious hits and got the whole audience in the Memphis Pyramid to sing along.
That would certainly explain an awful lot. It may also explain why Trey Parker and Matt Stone had their spokesperson spend more time attacking Scientology than attacking Chef. Their last press release was signed, “Trey Parker and Matt Stone, servants of the dark lord Xenu.” Even their comments against Hayes were phrased in a way to expose the intolerance of the church of Scientology rather than that of Hayes, so it would make sense that there is no bad blood between Parker/Stone and Hayes. If the “church” indeed took advantage of Hayes’ condition in order to cast a warning shot across the bow, then, well, they’re fucking idiots. Parker and Stone will hit them in ways that they won’t see coming until they’re lying on the ground, losing consciousness from loss of blood, while a mysterious figure looms over them with a silenced pistol to their temple, ready to give them the sweet, sweet merciful death they so desperately crave.
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