Author: David Medsker (Page 52 of 65)

Box Office Roundup: Boo

Based on Sunday’s estimates:

1) Scary Movie 4: $41 million (first week)
They were smart to include the scariest thing we saw in the last year: Tom Cruise on Oprah.
2) Ice Age: The Meltdown: $20 million ($147.1 million, third week)
In fairness to Denis Leary, the next installment should be “Ice Age: Diego Gets Peckish.”
3) The Benchwarmers: $10 million ($35.9 million, second week)
We’d take this moment to make fun of the ridiculous wig David Spade wears in this movie, but then we remember: he’s dating Heather Locklear. Damn.
4) The Wild: $9.5 million (first week)
When our guy was assigned to cover this, he said, “Just take my ‘Madagascar’ review and replace the title.”
5) Take the Lead: $6.7 million ($22.5 million, second week)
Never underestimate the power of dance. Or something.

Either it’s all okay, or none of it is

Trey Parker and Matt Stone have done it again, somehow combining the lazy joke-writing of “Family Guy” with the recent events involving a Danish newspaper printing cartoons depicting the Islamic prophet Muhammad. When news arrives that an upcoming “Family Guy” episode will not be aired because it features an image of Muhammad, Kyle rides his Big Wheel to Los Angeles to persuade the network to change its mind. Cartman, on the other hand, claims the episode is offensive, and that the network would be wise to listen to their “conscience.” But Cartman, of course, has a hidden agenda; he simply hates “Family Guy,” and will do anything to get the show taken off the air.

In the end, the “Family Guy” episode airs (the idea of their writing staff consisting of a bunch of manatees putting balls with words into a hoop sums up my feelings about the scattershot joke writing on “Family Guy” better than anything), after Kyle persuades the network executives not to give in to what is basically a terrorist threat. Kyle even tells Cartman that his plan to use fear to reach his goal is like terrorism. “Like terrorism? It is terrorism,” Cartman replies.

Now here’s where it gets really weird.

The “Family Guy” sequence that Parker and Stone created features a scene where Muhammad gives Peter Griffin a football…and the image of Muhammad was omitted by Comedy Central censors. (If you, like me, thought the censored bit was just a joke on Parker and Stone’s part, you were wrong.) This after Kyle tells the network executives, when it comes to satirizing religious beliefs, “Either it’s all okay, or none of it is. Do the right thing.” Talk about life imitating art imitating life.

There are some incredibly complex ideas at work here. The episode actually pokes fun at “South Park,” owning up to its preachy nature of late (the bleeding Virgin Mary episode, the Scientology-slamming “Trapped in the Closet,” this), but it also makes a very valid point that there should be no taboos when it comes to satire. Parker and Stone, to their credit, are equal opportunity offenders; name a minority or interest group, and they have taken aim at it. They ran a cartoon post-9/11 that featured Cartman and Osama bin Laden in a Warner Bros.-inspired sequence where Cartman is Bugs to Osama’s Elmer, humiliating him nonstop. Comedy Central had no problem airing that episode. What makes this one so different? Hell, Parker and Stone weren’t even making fun of Muhammad here. They merely had him hand Peter a football.

In the end, not only do Parker and Stone make fun of themselves and “Family Guy” – mostly “Family Guy” – but they inadvertently forced Comedy Central to make hypocrites of themselves by censoring the image that Parker and Stone had said should never be censored. The Christian groups, meanwhile, blame Parker and Stone for the whole Jesus-Bush-flag-poop sequence at the end, but they’re missing the point. Parker and Stone tried to treat everyone with equal scorn; Comedy Central, in the end, gave in to the perception that they were insensitive to the Muslim community, and in the process, the network showed how insensitive they were to everyone else. That is not Parker and Stone’s fault.

But wait, it gets even weirder.

In July 2001 (the date is obviously important to note), Comedy Central ran a “South Park” episode that depicted Muhammad…and nothing happened. No threats, no riots, nothing. How about that.

“24,” Hour 17: Pigs in Zen.

And just like that, Charles Logan has gone from President Buck Buck Brawwwwk to President Zen. The fraidy cat tendencies? The complete inability to make a decision about anything? Gone. In its place is an eerie calm and newfound assertiveness that inexplicably escapes everyone around him. Perhaps you can understand VP Leland Palmer missing the change in demeanor – but then again, Logan just issued an order for Bauer’s arrest, after reinstating the man mere hours ago, so Palmer may merely be biding his time – but Marty Logan, his wife? I’m not so sure about that one. Maybe that scene existed solely so Logan would have to suffer the guilt of knowing his wife is so proud of him, but would castrate him if she had any idea what he was really up to. Prediction: Marty doesn’t live to see the final seconds. Charles takes her out when she knows too much.

Jack and Wayne kidnap the president of a bank in order to get a recording that Evelyn made, leaving Evelyn and daughter Amy in a hotel (he even said to her, “I’ll be right back,” thus violating one of the rules of surviving a horror movie). Of course, Evelyn passes out from the pain of the gunshot wound in her leg, and Amy calls 911, which immediately tips off Robocop as to her whereabouts. Evelyn gives up Jack and Wayne, but we never find out what became of Evelyn and Amy. My guess is in real life, they’d be dead. Do the producers of “24” have the onions to execute a little girl? Don’t know yet, but in the meantime, another innocent is killed in the line of duty. Sorry, banker dude.

Meanwhile, back at HTU (Homeland Terrorist Unit), even ice queen Karen Hayes is having second thoughts about everything. When Logan gives her the order to bring in Bauer, she doesn’t understand why. Of course, she is, for the moment anyway, bound by duty, and uses Audrey to find Jack. They put a tracer on Audrey’s car when she leaves to “get some sleep,” but Chloe finds the tracer by remote and Audrey stashes it on another car. Sweet. Audrey calls her father, still the Secretary of Defense, and asks if he can land at an airport nearby so she can break the news about Logan’s involvement in the day’s events.

I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.

It’s way too early for the last card to be played yet. This doesn’t end with Logan as the ringleader. He doesn’t have the smarts or the guts. Again, maybe Heller’s the one pulling the strings? They show a clip in the scenes for next week’s episode where Heller tells Logan, “I know what you’re doing. I’m here to put a stop to it.” Maybe the next line is, “You’ve lost control of everything, Logan, you big dope! Now, do I have to flog you again like I did last time, while you say, ‘Thank you, sir, may I have another’?”

All kidding aside, we still don’t know who knew that Jack was alive, and that Tony, Michelle, Chloe and David Palmer conspired to cover it up. And where the heck did Mike Novick go? He’s been gone for almost four hours now. This still one more card, maybe two, that has yet to be played. The Warlock should be waking up soon. Buchanan will factor into things somehow. We still don’t know that Walt actually killed himself. Lastly, I don’t know how Logan could have possibly rationalized assassinating David Palmer as an unfortunate necessity to allowing Russian terrorists to obtain nerve gas. Geez, now that I look at it that way, suddenly nothing makes sense. Logan may be an idiot, but he’s not reckless. The explanation for all this better be a good one.

Box Office Roundup: Wooly bully

Based on Sunday’s estimates:

1) Ice Age: The Meltdown: $34.5 million ($116.4 million, second week)
Sure, it’s a drop of 50%, but it’s still $34.5 million.
2) The Benchwarmers: $20.5 million (first week)
It will be curious to see whose agent is the first to talk about their client “opening” a movie with a $20 million gross. But what’s really gross is the idea that Molly Sims would ever marry Rob Schneider.
3) Take the Lead: $12.7 million (first week)
We had an invitation to see this movie, but we decided to Take the Night Off.
4) Inside Man: $9.1 million ($66 million, third week)
To steal a recent joke from “The Daily Show,” Jodie Foster’s character is where boners go to die.
5) Lucky Number Slevin: $7.1 million (first week)
The suits will blame the movie’s failure on the title. They should look at their total lack of promotional effort, instead.

Forget all of these: go see “Thank You for Smoking” instead. Just try to resist the urge to stick knitting needles in your eye sockets when Katie Holmes is onscreen.

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