Author: David Medsker (Page 35 of 65)

“24,” Hours 1 & 2: That sound you heard was the cast of “Heroes” breathing a sigh of relief

January 14, 2007 /

I love “24,” I really do.

But this was the weakest opening they’ve ever done.

Perhaps that’s a tad unfair. To be honest, I don’t really remember any season premiere other than Season One (Death from Above) and Season Five (The CTU Massacre). But this one, despite an abundance of torture (that knife through the kneecap was grueling to watch), not much happened. Well, a lot happened, but very little of it made sense.

President Wayne Palmer (any chance they’ll explain how a former Chief of Staff ascended to the White House in 20 months?) springs Jack Bauer from the clutches of the Chinese in order to use him as collateral in exchange for the whereabouts of the man behind the numerous bombings taking place all over the country. What does this say about the effectiveness of the US government? For things to get this bad, they would have to be either incompetent or corrupt on a scale that this country has never known, which makes the premise a tad hard to swallow. Picture the government offering to allow terrorists to kill you because they have no other scenarios to stop the attacks. The former Eli Cash would call this a You Must Suspend Disbelief moment, and he wouldn’t be wrong.

Boy, have things changed at CTU. Director of Homeland Security Karen Hayes and CTU director Bill Buchanan are married, which means one of them will not live to see the credits to the season finale. Milo is back, and Morris O’Brien, Chloe’s ex-husband, is his insubordinate subordinate. There’s a girl named Nadia above Chloe and below Buchanan. Her most valuable asset at this point seems to be the ability to speak Arabic. But the most entertaining casting move so far is Peter MacNicol (who will be referred to from this point on as The Biscuit) as President Palmer’s chicken hawk advisor Thomas Lennox, a guy who seems hell-bent on using the Constitution as toilet paper. He should be a fun foil, but I have to say that he doesn’t make me miss Agent Aaron “Old Yeller” Pierce or Mike Novick any less.

The most egregious, preposterous character addition, on the other hand, has to be the introduction of Regina King as Sandra Palmer, the sister to Wayne and David Palmer that, mysteriously, had never existed before today. Would it have been so hard to make her a half-sister or an ex-wife? Perhaps a hooker with a heart of gold? Anything but a blood relative to David Palmer. That’s insulting to both his memory and ours.

Oh, and for their big twist? The man giving up the goods on the terrorist is the terrorist, and he’s trying to have his reformed brother in arms dispatched by the very people reformed terrorist is trying to work with. Clever, no? No. It’s easy, that’s what it is. And the reaction by Palmer, Buchanan, Hayes and everyone else when Jack tried to explain to them they were about to take out the wrong man was maddening. This guy has saved the country five times already. I don’t care if he had bamboo shoots stuffed underneath his fingernails for the last 20 months: dude knows what he’s doing. He just bit a guy to death, okay? Listen to him. Oh, and was it just me, or was everyone else screaming, “Hotwire the car and drive, you moron!” after Jack escaped from Fayed’s lair?

Lastly, there’s the former stoner horn dog Kumar Taj as…wait for it…a terrorist. Ho, ho, and indeed, ho, as Will Harris once said. He did have one good line when he pointed the gun at the neighbor kid across the street. “Friend? You can’t even pronounce my name right.” Still, if he’s a terrorist, then so is Jeff Spicoli, or Brad Pitt’s character Floyd from “True Romance.” Puh, lease.

Tomorrow night promises to “change everything.” That’d be a nice change of pace, if you ask me. Not a good start, people. Time to start killing good guys.

24, Actors, Actresses, External TV, TV, TV Action

Box Office Roundup: It’s on. Don’t get F’d in the A.

January 14, 2007 /

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Stomp the Yard: $22 million (owner: Bill Clark, A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint)
Don’t Call Me Shirley had a huge week, owning the first, third and fourth place movies this week to come within $8 million of Mark Pfeiffer and Reel Times. I’ve said it prematurely before, but enjoy the view, Mark.
2) Night at the Museum: $17.1 million, $185.7 million to date (Will Harris, What’s All This, Then?)
Shockingly true fact: The last four movies that featured Ben Stiller in a starring role have grossed over $100 million.
3) The Pursuit of Happyness: $9.1 million, $134.4 million to date (Bill Clark: A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint)
Scary Clown would be in second place had they picked this movie instead of “Stranger than Fiction.” Sigh.
4) Dreamgirls: $8.1 million, $64.9 million to date (Bill Clark: A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint)
Bill’s onslaught continues, and “Dreamgirls” still hasn’t opened fully yet.
5) Freedom Writers: $7..1 million, $18.4 million to date.
Easily the most profitable free agent of the season.
6) Children of Men: $6.4 million, $21.3 million to date (David Medsker, Scary Clown Studios)
After winning the award for Best Picture by the lauded Central Ohio Film Critics Association, we would have expected this to do better. After all, everyone knows that those central Ohioans are known for their impeccable taste.
7) Alpha Dog: $6.1 million
Not even Mr. Sexy Back can make this movie worth seeing.
8) Primeval: $5.9 million (Jason Zingale, Seven Strangers Productions)
JZ’s wishing he had kept “Freedom Writers” right about now.
9) Arthur and the Invisibles: $4.3 million
Five words: Madonna and Jimmy Fallon are siblings.
10) The Good Shepherd: $3.9 million, $54.2 million to date (Bill Clark, Don’t Call Me Shirley)
In this instant-gratification society, and significant percentage of the public insists on being bored for two hours and 45 minutes at a time.

Current standings:
1) Reel Times Pictures $291.5 million
2) A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint: $283.4 million
3) TSSU Productions: $279.1 million
4) Punch and Pie Pictures: $266.2 million
5) What’s All This, Then?: $256.1 million
6) Seven Strangers Productions: $195 million
7) Scary Clown Studios: $181 million
8) Nights and Weekends: $171.8 million

Don’t Call Me Shirley puts Reel Times away with the unnecessary remake of “The Hitcher,” while Scary Clown hopes that “Letters from Iwo Jima” will finally get released wide before the season ends.

Action Movies, Horror Movies, Movie Comedies, Movie Dramas, Movies, News

“24” Season Six Preview

January 11, 2007 /

The producers of “24” are always crazy sneaky when it comes to doling out the goods before the highly anticipated season premiere. I’ve seen the ads on Fox for the last few weeks – though I must admit that I have not gone far and wide looking for spoilers, since I, like the rest of you, want to be surprised – and here is what I’ve learned about the upcoming season:

– The U.S. government, somehow, managed to secure the release of Jack Bauer from the torture-happy Chinese.
Did the Chinese government get bored with him after he screamed the exact same way every time they ripped off one of his fingernails? The Chinese were very clear in Season Four that they wanted Bauer’s head on a silver platter. For them to give him up must have required a deal of Faustian proportions.

– Wayne Palmer is now President of the United States.
In the 18 months of “24” time since the end of Season Five, Wayne Palmer has, inexplicably, ascended to the White House despite holding an office no higher than that of Chief of Staff for his now-deceased brother, President David Palmer. Of course, this turn of events makes me positively giddy, because it puts my Season Five conspiracy theory back into play.

– Jack is being asked by the government to sacrifice himself.
You realize that that line by itself is totally useless and misleading. “Sacrificing” Jack Bauer could mean literally anything (which is to say, nothing), and besides, show me the government that gives up the location of its #1 to their opponent’s Spy. Oh, right, they changed the rankings in Stratego, didn’t they? Now the #10 is the most powerful one on the board. Oh, well, you get my drift.

– CTU finally learns of the existence of Dr. Romano.
There is a scene where the onetime Dr. Romano (his character’s name is Graham, but he’ll always be Dr. Romano to us) tells Jack, “You’re hurting me.” Jack’s response sums up all the frustration we felt about this shadow group and how it was able to manipulate the President so easily: “Trust me, I’m not.” Translation: welcome to the House of Pain, sucka.

– President Buck Buck Brawwwwwwk and the First Lady of Crazy will be back for an episode.
Sweet. I’m always curious to see what happens to the fallen “heroes” of seasons past. Maybe this one will end in a murder/suicide. That’d be cool.

– Everyone and his brother is guest-starring on “24” this season.
James Cromwell, Kal Penn, Rick Schroeder, Peter MacNicol, Powers Poothe, the former Mr. Hilary Swank (Chad Lowe), and Eddie freaking Izzard are ALL in on the action this season. While I feel that nearly all of those are fantastic casting decisions – mainly because it doesn’t leave any room for Elisha Cuthbert to get caught in another bear trap – this will surely cut into the screen time of Agent Curtis, Bill Buchanan, official girlfriend of Bullz-Eye Chloe O’Brien and her hilarious ex-husband Morris.

– Official Bullz-Eye girlfriend Chloe O’Brien is now a brunette.
I think I speak on behalf of the entire staff when I say that we just can’t get behind that. Chloe isn’t Britney Spears, Mandy Moore, or that Tonks character in the “Harry Potter” series. She’s Chloe, complicated, snarky and wonderful. Most importantly, she’s the polar opposite of a stereotypical blonde, which is why we loved her so much. Everyone expects the brunette to be smart and sassy. With her dye job, Chloe’s given up her ace in the hole. Hopefully, though, she still has her taser.

Sunday can’t come soon enough. Are you ready? I know I am.

24, External TV, TV, TV Action

Box Office Roundup: presence of Ben Stiller, lack of quality effects, acting, dialogue no impact whatsoever on a movie’s popularity

January 7, 2007 /

Based on Sunday’s estimates, courtesy of boxofficemojo.com:

1) Night at the Museum: $24 million, $164 million to date (Will Harris, What’s All This, Then?)
We always suspected that all Attila the Hun really needed was a good cry. Dear God.
2) The Pursuit of Happyness: $13 million, #124.1 million to date (Bill Clark: A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint)
Don’t Call Me Shirley makes big bank on people’s never-ending thirst for sappy feel-good story.
3) Children of Men: $10.2 million, $11.9 million to date (David Medsker, Scary Clown Studios)
A Scary Clown movie enters the top three for the first time in weeks, though it probably won’t be enough to keep his studio from landing in the cellar by season’s end. When the hell is “Letters from Iwo Jima” opening wide?!
4) Freedom Writers: $9.7 million
Believe it or not, this one is a free agent. Seven Strangers dropped it at the last minute to pick up “Primeval,” and before that, Punch and Pie dropped it for “Black Christmas.” Whoops.
5) Dreamgirls: $8.8 million, $54.4 million to date (Bill Clark, Don’t Call Me Shirley)
Billy got coin. Billy got coin. Billy got, Billy got, Billy got coin. And the movie is only showing on 852 screens, which means Billy’s got even more coin coming his way. Look out, Mark.
6) Happily N’Ever After: $6.8 million (Deb Medsker, Punch and Pie Pictures)
Few movies have deserved their 5% freshness rating on Rotten Tomatoes more than this one. The studio brags about the film’s turnaround time. We think they rushed it.
7) Charlotte’s Web: $6.6 million, $66.9 million to date (Deb Medsker, Punch and Pie Pictures)
Official statement from Punch and Pie President Deb Medsker: “If you don’t go see ‘Charlotte’s Web,’ the terrorists win.”
8) The Good Shepherd: $6.5 million, $48.4 million to date (Bill Clark, Don’t Call Me Shirley)
Trivia note: in order to save money, the makeup artists aged Angelina Jolie’s character by punching her in the face.
9) Rocky Balboa: $6.2 million, $60.8 million to date (Will Harris, What’s All This, Then?)
What’s All This has roared out of the cellar, though he’s grateful we’re not doing the “5×5” version of the league, which factors IMDb user ratings (“Van Wilder” sports a rating of 1.7)
10) We Are Marshall: $5.1 million, $35.4 million to date (Kristin Dreyer Kramer, Nights and Weekends)
Official statement from Nights and Weekends President Kristin Dreyer Kramer: “You all suck.”
12) Code Name: The Cleaner: $4.6 million
Sometimes bad things happen to bad people.

Current standings:
1) Reel Times Pictures: $283.4 million
2) TSSU Productions: $275.9 million
3) Punch and Pie Pictures: $256 million
4) A Don’t Call Me Shirley Joint: $234.8 million
5) What’s All This, Then?: $230.2 million
6) Scary Clown Studios: $169.1 million
7) Seven Strangers Productions: $168.9 million
8) Nights and Weekends: $164.1 million

Coming this week: Seven Strangers drops their last movie of the year in the croc-fest “Primeval,” and Don’t Call Me Shirley releases “Stomp the Yard.”

Actors, Actresses, External Movies, Movies, News

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