Last night’s “American Idol” results show was as hilarious as it was annoying, but not because of anything that was planned. We’ll try to sum it up quickly….

First, Ruben Studdard, Season 2 champ, sang his new single. Ruben sounded great as always, but didn’t appear to sweat as much as usual. That’s because he’s lost a ton of weight….now he looks like a little mountain instead of a big one. Dude is still BIG, but he’s really tall too. Anyway, Studdard told Ryan Seacrest he’s now a vegan and working out regularly. Good for him, and good for cows and pigs and chickens everywhere. He also announced that he’ll be touring with Clay Aiken this summer, the dude he beat out in Season 2. Hey, why not?

On to business. Lee Dewyze, safe. Casey James, safe. Aaron Kelly, safe…..ugh, really? Then Seacrest had Siobhan Magnus and Katie Stevens stand up. And he proceeded to then have more annoying banter with Simon Cowell. But after Seacrest asked Cowell something about how a contestant is supposed to feel, Cowell replied, “Ryan, this isn’t the ‘Oprah Winfrey Show.'” Ha! Well played, Simon. Seacrest is becoming more of a tool with each passing week. Anyway, Katie was in the Bottom 3, Siobhan was safe. And the latter dodged a bullet because she really didn’t sound good on Tuesday.

Then Usher, this week’s mentor, performed his new single, “Auto Tune Special.” Seriously, when did auto tune become its own genre? Still, it wasn’t that bad, and dude can sure dance.

Then back to the results. Didi Benami, Bottom 3. Not a huge surprise. Big Mike….Seacrest said he was sorry to say that he had to join him on the center of the stage, but that he was safe. Someone shouted for Mike to pick Seacrest up, and he did, up over his head. Seacrest was scared shitless, and he’ll probably never mess with Mike again!

Crystal Bowersox, safe. Tim Urban and Andrew Garcia were left, and Andrew was safe, with Tim in the Bottom 3, AGAIN. Then Seacrest brought Katie, Didi and Tim to the center of the stage, and he sent Katie back to safety.

Then Diddy was next on the performance parade. Dude sang his new single, “Hello Good Morning,” and though he was out of breath afterward, it was pretty cool. Then dude proceeded to hug all of the judges and be so gracious that he had the opportunity to do this. Seriously, a guy with that much money is that humble? You can’t not like a guy like Diddy.

Here we go….Tim or Didi? Tim was safe, AGAIN. Didi Benami had to face the judges for a possible save. She chose to sing “Rhiannon,” and while she was doing it, I realized why she is so annoying and can’t win. She is trying too hard to sound like Lily Allen and/or last season’s Megan, well, Birdlady, or whatever her name was. You know what I mean, though, right? That weird vocal inflection thing she does? Anyway, Didi sounded better than she did on Tuesday, but it wasn’t enough for the judges to use their coveted one save.

So now we are down to nine–and here are my power rankings, which I will update each week as we move along:

1. Crystal Bowersox
2. Lee Dewyze
3. Siobhan Magnus
4. Michael Lynche
5. Casey James
6. Aaron Kelly
7. Andrew Garcia
8. Katie Stevens
9. Tim Urban

This was the first week I actually though of Lee as being a contender, and I think Simon alluded to that when he said Lee’s life may have changed forever after Tuesday’s performance.

So what do you think?