I don’t want to start any blasphemous rumours, but those guys from the Fellowship of the Sun have a sick sense of humor, don’t they? Criminey, talk about playing on poor Jason’s worst nightmares! Of course, he recovered pretty quickly, offering up that militaristic monologue (its effectiveness aided in no small part by the score) behind him. Come the next morning, he’s smirking like nobody’s business, offering up great lines about how maybe Jesus was the first vampire, what with all the blood drinking going on. It’s a pretty heavy debate for breakfast, with the discussion about the first evil – was it Cain, or was it Eve? – but it all comes to an abrupt end when Jason gets called off to see the Rev. It’s nothing ominous, though: he just wants to take Jason on a vampire target-practice run. Afterwards, it’s back to the Rev’s homestead for Ribs a la Sexy Sarah. Whew, was there any better song than Sammy Kershaw’s “Louisiana Hot Sauce” to serve as the soundtrack for that display of culinary excellence? I don’t know what kind of career Anna Camp has in store for her as an actress, but I think we can count on a couple of good Maxim layouts in her immediate future, don’t you? Obviously, the other guys in the Fellowship are jealous that Jason appears to be on the verge of sliding into Sarah’s good graces…and, yes, that is a double entendre…and when she turns up in his bedroom in her nightie, there’s every reason to believe that something is going to happen between them.
Sam and Daphne are still skinny-dipping when we pop back in on them, but Sam’s also laying bare his feelings a bit as well. Everything looks like it’s sittin’ pretty between the two of them until she climbs out of the water and Sam spies those nasty claw marks on her back. Still, it’s been the kind of evening that’s made him rethink his plans to depart…or, at least, it’s served to delay them slightly. Sookie’s ego forces her to presume that it’s because of her that he’s decided to leave, resulting in a angry conversation between them. Unsurprisingly, things at the bar remain a little tense for the rest of the night, though it’s also in no small part because of the total lack of customers (the exception being a highly drunk Detective Andy), and the evening takes a surprising turn when Tara’s apparently-still-sober mama turns up to deliver a birthday present for her absent daughter. When he gets over to Sookie’s place, he has brief words with Maryann before Daphne turns up, and he and Madame Clawback start to smooch. They stop briefly, but before Sam can reveal his secret to Daphne, she claims she already knows what he is. Why do I have this feeling that they might not be on the same wavelength?
Tara finally tells Maryann that she’s departing to live with Sookie, and in typical fashion, Maryann continues to wear her party-girl face and seems thoroughly befuddled as to why on earth Tara would possibly would want to leave. Man, that chick is creepy. Michelle Forbes deserves an Emmy nod for her work on this show. Once Tara makes it over to Sookie’s, she finds out that Lafayette’s back…and she’s ready to kick his ass for having not told her about his return. Can you blame him, though? I mean, it’s not like the guy didn’t earn himself the opportunity to have some downtime before getting reamed by his cousin. Afterwards, she heads back to her new pad to relax, only to get the living shit scared out of her by Maryann, Eggs, and Carl, who’ve popped by to surprise her with a birthday party. Oh, come on: don’t tell me that, after the shenanigans that went down at Maryann’s pleasure palace, Tara shouldn’t have suspected that things would get out of hand. And when Detective Andy went running off after Maryann…
But, wait, we haven’t actually talked about Andy yet, have we? When Sheriff Bud and his trusty deputy are getting the latest update from Dr. Phlox…oh, sorry, I mean coroner Mike Spencer…about the fate of the late Miss Jeanette, Andy blows in and starts throwing around confusing comments about a pig. Well, they’re not confusing to us, but you can see why he was getting some funny looks from his fellow law-enforcement officers. Andy never fails to get a couple of laughs when he turns up, and this is no exception (“I ain’t drunk. Like you never had a beer in the middle of the day!”), but he really is becoming somewhat of a sympathetic character lately. He’s clearly onto something, but nobody believes him.
Bill threw Jessica’s new paramour out on his ear, fearing that she might well take a bite out of him, but she quickly offers up her defense: she’d never even kissed a boy until kissing this fellow. Clearly, it was good for her, as she asks Bill between her elongated canines, “Is it my fault that my fangs come out when I get turned on?” After Jessica runs up the stairs to recover, Bill proceeds to give Sookie an “it wasn’t like this in the old days” story, and she offers him as much as sympathy as she can muster. By the time we return to their joint storyline, they’re in an airport hangar in Dallas, where a shifty-looking chauffeur almost gets taken down by Bill. (Nice high-speed vampire action, sir.) When Bill let Jessica handle the interrogation, you could tell by his choice of phrase to Sookie that he didn’t care one bit if Mr. Driver Man ended up bitten, but in the end, she just had him scream out some insignificant phrase that made her giggle. So who’s the snitch that revealed that Sookie and company would be at the airport? For some reason, I think it might be Sheriff Eric…and not just because he turned up outside of Lafayette’s house and offered to let our favorite Cajun chef take a hit off one of his main veins. (How funny were his post-drink dance moves, by the way?)
I don’t know what the hell Sookie’s place is going to look like when she gets back from Dallas, but I know one thing: I wouldn’t want to be the one to have to clean up her place after that wing-ding. The hook-ups between Tara and Eggs and Sam and Daphne were the least of what went down. I say again: Maryann is creepy, and the stuff she was inspiring people to do at the function was so disconcerting that I felt like I should turn away from the television. I guess that means it’s good TV.
So what’s the deal with this bellhop? And why do I suspect that Sookie might end up having a fling with him before the trip to Dallas is over? Not exactly the greatest episode-ending cliffhanger the show has ever offered up (in fact, it might actually be the worst), but it’s a development that piques my curiosity, and that counts for something, at least.