When a vampire is driving down the road at an outrageous speed, there’s no other phrase you can use to describe it than “like a bat out of Hell.” Bill’s clearly still enraged over Sookie’s foolish decision to take Jessica at her word and trust that she wouldn’t approach her family, let alone attack them. But can you really blame him? It’s as I said last week: there was no way it wasn’t going to end badly. As it happens, it ended a whole lot better than it could have – like I figured, Bill glamoured them rather than dispose of them in the less savory way that most of his ilk would have – but what was most surprising about his annoyance with Sookie was how concerned he was about the fact that she undermined his authority. Is that the residual effects of having lived through the good ol’ days when women knew their place? (Just kidding, gals!) Either way, when Sookie decided to bail out of Bill’s reaming and walk home, she had a close encounter which resulted in a full-fledged “holy shit” moment.
Actually, that’s underselling it: it was a “holy shit, WTF” moment.
And it only got worse. Those claw marks were awful. Good thing Bill and Eric are pals with a highly knowledgeable physician, but even Dr. Ludwig’s wealth of information could only offer an approximation of how to treat the poison in Sookie’s wounds. (I don’t think it would be exaggerating things much to suggest that the treatment was almost worse than the wounds themselves. I didn’t fight my instinct to turn away from the TV. Ugh!) The long-lived Eric claimed to have no idea what had attacked her, either, but it’s hard to trust that guy. Still, his underlings seemed to be equally mystified.
Can someone please explain to me why the folks at Fantasia keep Ginger employed? Anything she brings to the table can’t possibly outweigh the fact her IQ is somewhere in the low double digits, as she quickly proves by letting slip in her thoughts that Lafayette is chained in the basements. Looks like you were right, Mr. Paulsen: they didn’t actually turn him after the credits rolled last week. You gotta give Sookie credit: not many people would have the either the balls or the unbridled stupidity to smack a vampire of Eric’s strength across the face. Given his reaction, however, one can’t but wonder if the maintaining of Lafayette’s human existence was something Eric did solely because he knew he could trade his life for the favor he’d been needing from Sookie. Either way, after some wheeling and dealing by both Sookie and Bill, Lafayette earns his freedom and Sookie signs up for Eric’s favor, earning a sizable cash influx in the process and providing the best exchange of the night:
Eric: Perhaps I’ll grow on you.
Sookie: I prefer cancer.
With everything going on, Jessica accidentally ends up getting left home alone, and it looks likes she’s going to get into at least as much trouble as Macaulay Culkin. I never particularly dug the song when it first came out, but I have to admit that they made good use of Marcy Playground’s “Sex and Candy” as she strolled into Merlotte’s. What a surprise, however, when it looked as though the usually-belligerent redhead was legitimately swooning over the sweet naiveté of the gentleman who she’d intended as her night’s conquest. The moment when her fangs came out unbidden was pretty funny, her tearful reaction was even a bit sad, and I kept waiting for the guy to say, “Hey, guess what, I’m a vampire, too!” They cut it close enough to the quick that I really did think that she’d bitten him, so when Bill and Sookie broke up their coupling on the couch, I was surprised to see a notable lack of holes in the guy’s neck.
I don’t want to say that Jason has problems, but to have a dream where a shirtless Eddie turned up in his bed shows at least two major issues, and I don’t know if prayer is necessarily the right route to solve either of them! I was a little surprised that, after as quickly as Jason slipped into bed with the folks from the Fellowship of the Sun, he’d admit to the group that A) he’s never really had a problem with vampires, B) his sister’s dating one, and C) it seems like Bill treats Sookie pretty well. In fact, he was damned close to making a break for it, but Sarah sweet-talked him right back. Not that you can blame him for falling under her spell. Surely the otherwise-innocuous phrase “I’ll go get the whipped cream” wouldn’t have sounded nearly as sexual coming out of anyone else’s mouth. Is there any reason to believe that he won’t mistakenly make a move on her in the very near future, and that things will go horribly, horribly wrong when he does?
Best one-liner of the night: “Sarah doesn’t whip out her pudding for just anybody!”
Maryann continued to put up her front as Ms. Innocent even as Tara maintained her uncertainty, but for every one of Tara’s questions, Maryann has an answer…and a well-rolled joint. And after taking a few puffs and swigging some wine, Tara’s all ready to continue swooning over her boy Eggs. Fortunately for her, the feeling is mutual, and as they party into the night, they see a surprising guest at the function: Deputy Andy. (My theory: if the incredible disappearing pig that Andy spotted isn’t the four-footed version of the beast that attacked Sookie, it’s at least a clue to how the Maryanne storyline will eventually tie into Sookie’s.) In the end, however, Tara can’t hang with the unabashed debauchery of the proceedings and tries to bail out. Somehow, I’m guessing that won’t go as easily as she thinks it will.
Sam might feel bad for Daphne for not being able to keep her work finances in order, but during their brief encounter at the beginning of the episode, I’m guessing that anyone in the readership who’s ever been a waitress was thinking, “Fire her ass!” Instead, he demanded that she pay up, then tried to temporarily pass the supervisory torch over to Terry. Who would’ve expected, however, that Terry would get pissed off and call Sam a coward for trying to cut and run from the scene? But as Sam looked wistfully at the photos of Tara and Sookie, you suddenly realized that, wow, what has this guy really got left to stick around for?
Well, as it turns out, there’s Daphne…
