LIGHTEN UP GAMERS! At least that’s what Hollywood wants you to do in regards to video game-to-movie adaptations. Hell, some of these dudes have even logged many hours on an Xbox 360 just to be real for you! Does anyone really care? Trying to think of one good game-to-movie flick that was ever any good…nope, I can’t think of a one. Yep, the gamers are in the right. Kepp bitching, lads. And in the meantime, don’t continue to go ahead and waste your money on the shitty adaptations and give these goofs more incentive to keep on keeping on.
Year: 2006 (Page 198 of 228)
Not realizing that auditions for this season of “Lost” have already been completed, former teen bitch queen Shannen Doherty rammed her Range Rover into another man’s car on Tuesday, hoping to prove to the show’s creators that she is every bit as bad a driver as ‘tailies’ Michelle Rodriguez and Cynthia Watros.
Upon being informed that a) the tailies were drunk rather than stone cold sober during their respective driving infractions, and b) “Lost” producers Damon Lindelof and J.J. Abrams have no use for high-maintenance has-beens who still think they’re TV stars, Doherty asked for actor Josh Holloway’s phone number before a bag was placed over her head and she was dragged into the jungle by a mysterious band of Others, never to be seen again.
Hoping to connect with urban cowboys, metrosexuals, and D-county rodeo stars alike, Willie Nelson has released a song called “Cowboys are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other).” The song was penned by Texan songwriter Ned Sublette a quarter-century ago, during the peak popularity of that other closeted gay western starring John Travolta, but only recorded by Nelson last year — presumably after catching a glimpse of the way Jake Gyllenhaal filled out his Levi’s.
Available exclusively on iTunes, the song includes lyrics like “Inside every cowboy there’s a lady that would love to slip out.” In Willie’s case, we’re going to assume that lady likes to wear her hair in braids.
I don’t think I’ve ever seen “The Shield” acknowledge a holiday (for the record, I’m still waiting for the Halloween-themed episode), but this had to have been the worst Valentine’s Day ever for our boys and girls at the Barn. First off, I doubt that Kavanaugh’s decision to set up shop in the station was a welcome one by any member of the police force – including Captain Billings, who although has command over the IAD Lieutenant cannot stop him from taking over his office. Bummer. And so the first round of interrogations begins, with Vic playing his lawyer card and Shane treating the investigation as a mockery. We already knew that all of the guys on the Strike Team wouldn’t talk, but Vic’s fugly ex-wife Corrine just had to open her big fat mouth and tell Kavanaugh about the mysterious $65,000 that he gave her at the beginning of last season. Was her nose not taking up enough of her ugly face? Did she have to open her fat mouth and start crying too? Ye gods, and on VALENTINE’S DAY!
That wasn’t all folks. Even poor Danny Sofer got the shake down for having a past relationship with Vic. Not like she’ll get punished for it, but it was a nice zinger to use against Corrine during her investigation. Kavanaugh is good at manipulating the weak, and the cards are in his favor for the time being, but what happens when the bulk of the case comes down to getting one of the four guys to turn? We’ve seen how brutal he can be in the interrogation room, but will Kavanaugh really have the balls to drag Shane’s wife Mara into the mix? If he does, God help us. If Corrine cracked under pressure, Mara will surely be more problematic down the road.
Meanwhile, Dutch and Claudette revisit an old murder case from last season involving the cool and composed killer, Kleevon, when his sister goes “missing” and they think that he killed her. We know she’s okay, of course, because we caught a quick glimpse of her in the previews for next week’s episode, but another black woman was found raped and murdered mere hours after he was released from question, and she bears an uncanny resemblance to Claudettte. Looks like she may have pissed him off just a bit, but the reckless death job may be his final curtain call. And in a short subplot of ouch-that’s-gotta-hurt hilarity, Julien and Tina walk in on a guy who’s suspended at a glory hole because his dick is stuck in a… what for it… mousetrap! Yowzers! That’ll teach you, if nothing else, to NOT stick important body parts into foreign holes.
Wow, how fast things are moving now that “American Idol” has shifted to Hollywood. Last week, 175 contestants began the second round of auditions and 76 were sent home. The 99 that remained had to do the thing that always separates the real talent from the wannabes: group competition. What this also tends to do is expose the jackasses, and this time around it was no different.
Jackass 1 and Jackass 2, otherwise known as twins Darrell and Terrell, were all over this show. Look, these guys can definitely sing, but the next American Idol is not going to be one that carries emotional baggage. These two have enough of said baggage to weigh down a 747. Terrell was all over his teammates, complaining to the camera that two of them were sleeping while he and one teammate rehearsed. Looked to me like they spent more time complaining than anything. Then, the two guys that were sleeping wound up going to the next round, and so did Terrell. Bear with me, it does get better.
So then later, his brother Darrell competes with his team and he is chosen to move on to the next round as well. Then, he decides to open up his mouth. “My spirit has been broken,” he said. “After how you treated my brother, I choose to leave the competition and go home to record with my brother.” Simon immediately said “Fine, go home.” Little did Darrell know that his brother had not been eliminated, so later on he had to go in front of the judges and eat crow. They eventually accepted his apology and let the jackass twins back in. But not before Simon let him know that he was “sick of the hissy attitude.” Simon and all of America, I can guarantee you that.
All night there seemed to be huge egos colliding. A girl named Tyra switched teams twice and seemed to cause trouble everywhere she went. But in the end, she made the right decision because the team she didn’t end up with kept forgetting their lyrics and were all eliminated.
Another hilarious bit was when cowboy Garrett and two of his cowboy friends were portrayed by the show’s producers as the cast of “Brokenote Mountain” and after they all were eliminated showed Garrett hugging his teammates and crying. Awwwww…..
Still shining through all the crap were three contestants I think everyone should keep an eye on. One is Paris Bennett….I think she’s only 17 but she has quite the pipes and a professional attitude to boot.
I’m predicting her as top 5 material right now. Mandisa (I don’t know if she even has a last name) can also belt it out, and I fully expect her to land in the top 12. Then my dark horse is that gray haired dude…..he’s got this Joe Cocker thing going on that just can’t be ignored.
The judges broke the remaining contestants into four groups, one of which was eliminated. So that left 44 contestants in all to compete for the final 24 spots–12 guys and 12 girls. And those will be determined tonight after solo acapella performances in front of the judges. Please please please judges, do us all a favor and send the jackass twins home.
We’re getting there folks…..it’s been a long ride already but it’s only just beginning to heat up. See you tomorrow….
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