Year: 2006 (Page 193 of 228)

Tonight’s episode of “American Idol” was the results show, where four of the 24 remaining contestants learned if they were continuing on or going back home. As has been the case for the past few seasons, this show was excruciatingly long. One hour to announce that four are going home? As you can imagine, they filled the show with lots of crap and lots of commercials, which, let’s face it, is really why it was an hour long.

First there was judge banter…blah blah blah. Then there was a group performance, which is always dripping with cheese, and I mean the kind of cheese you spray on crackers from a can. Tonight the group sang the Eagles’ “Take it Easy,” which was good for only one thing–a royalty check for the songwriters. Then they showed clips of all the performances of the last two nights, complete with judge comments.

All of the 40 million people who voted must have been saying along with me, “Let’s get ON with this already.”

Finally the women were seated in rows and they told everyone who was safe that they were safe, and brought Kinnik, Becky and Brenna to the middle of the stage. One of these women had the least number of votes. I’ll tell you who, after the break……
oh wait, this isn’t TV. It was Becky O’Donohue, the one who was a news topic today as photos of a Maxim spread from 2 years ago re-surfaced. Hey, she’s cute, and there’s no reason to believe Maxim or some skin rag won’t be calling her tomorrow. But her singing career is likely over. Of course, then they made her sing…..ugh. Stop torturing us and the ones going home, and just let them walk off the stage and into the sunset!

Then it was the guys’ turn. The bottom two were Bobby and Sway. Art Vandalay was right in predicting Bobby would be the first to go….that big gay Mexican cowboy thing was just not going to fly (not that there’s anything wrong with that). Bobby so wanted to take a parting shot at Simon but couldn’t get up the balls to do it. Either way, America made the right choice.

Then the girls were rounded up again, and the next to be eliminated was Stevie Scott. Once again, Art Vandalay was correct in predicting she would be one of the first to go. She just sang too softly and was so uninspiring.

Then back to the guys, and after trotting six of them out to the middle of the stage, country boy Bucky and raisin thief Patrick were left to learn their fate. The winner (or loser, actually) was Patrick, whose song choice of Melissa Etheridge’s “Come To My Window” proved to be his demise. Simon even re-iterated that. Paula, as she always does, said she was so sad to see Patrick go…..um, Paula is sad to see anyone go. She should just have another drink.

So there you have it…of course, they had to show this stupid montage at the end of the four–Becky, Stevie, Bobby, and Patrick–and their journey to get this far before bowing out.

Now we are down to 20, and what have we learned so far? America is not stupid, and is only going to accept greatness when ultimately choosing the next American Idol. See you all next week. And Patrick…we do know you stole the box of raisins from George Costanza.

Vandalay, Out.

Last night the male contestants on “American Idol” got to strut their stuff in front of the judges and America, and while it was a mixed bag of styles, there sure wasn’t a lot of variation from the mediocre or good at best. In my eyes there was only one truly great performance, one worthy of measuring up to the ladies anyway. Here are the Vandalay choices for good, bad and in-between:

THE GOOD

I’ve been pimping this Chris Daughtry guy for a while, and he is hands-down the best guy vocalist in the competition. He sang Bon Jovi’s “Dead or Alive” flawlessly and even Simon said he’s got the potential to go really far.

Elliott, who sang an old Stevie Wonder tune, also performed really well. Simon said he had possibly the best male vocal the competition has ever seen….I disagree, but Cowell has a little more influence than me over America. I do have to say though, if Elliott doesn’t make it as a singer, he can easily have a second career as an Abe Lincoln impersonator….just grow a beard and put a hat on, and he’s a dead ringer.

Ace, the dude who looks like Scott Stapp, sang George Michael’s “Father Figure” and did a really good job, but not quite to the same level as Elliott or Chris. This guy is the Constantine of this season…..meaning, he knows how to work the cameras and the ladies…..but Ace does have a much better voice.

THE IN-BETWEEN

The show started off last night with Patrick, aka “Raisin Boy”….yeah, he’s the dude who looks like the dude on Seinfeld who stole the box of raisins….that, and he has a neck like a giraffe. But I digress…he sang Melissa Etheridge’s “Come to My Window”…..not bad, but an odd song choice for a guy. Simon even said it wasn’t the right song choice, and Paula gushed over him like she does over almost everyone. Actually I just want her to shut the hell up.

Bucky Covington is a real country boy from North Carolina, and he sang Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple Man” in a way that sounded more like Creed….not bad, but not great.

Will, who is basically a Fred Savage look-alike, sang The Jackon 5’s “I Want You Back”…I thought he was pretty good but the judges thought he was average. This kid is only like 17 though, and will only get better.

Sway, the bald wonder from San Francisco, sang Earth, Wind & Fire’s “Reasons”…a great song, but not the best choice. He had to sing it mostly in falsetto….and the judges thought it was better than I did. Except of course for Simon, who said Sway looked “pimpy” in his outfit, which he really did.

Lispy boy Kevin sang Brian McKnight’s “One Last Cry” and actually sounded pretty good….but if I was him, I’d avoid any titles with the letter “s.” Paula thought he was adorable, and most of America probably will too, keeping him alive for a few more weeks.

Gedeon, the dude who talks like a preacher, has a decent enough voice and is a charasmatic performer, but other than that he is just average in my eyes. Simon said something about it sounding like the warm-up act for the Chippendales, which started another feud between him and Ryan Seacrest. Come on guys, those wiseass remarks to each other are getting old. Seacrest, you really have no ear for talent, so stop busting on Simon. Or better yet, just go away.

Finally there was Taylor Hicks, the gray haired wonder. This guy has a killer voice, despite his goofiness, but when he sang Elton John’s “Levon” he didn’t exactly perform like usual. I think he can do better and I’m sure he’ll have that chance. What was really amazing though, was that Simon finally endorsed Taylor, saying he’s interesting enough to go really far.

THE BAD

It’s easy this week to figure out who will be eliminated for the guys. First there is David, the crooner who looked really awkward singing Queen’s “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”….even Randy Jackson said “dude, that wasn’t very good” and I agree. Paula was in charge of the dawg pound last night as the girls were nicknamed “Paula’s poodle pound”….um, very very lame.

There was also Bobby Bennett, who sang Barry Manilow’s “Copacabana.” All you have to know is that he looked like a big gay Mexican priest, and a big gay Mexican priest cannot possibly pull the wool over America’s eyes. Adios, Bobby.

We’ll find out tonight just how accurate my predictions are when two guys and two girls from this week’s voting are eliminated.

But first this tidbit……turns out one of the stripper types I’ve been talking about, Becky O’Donohue, posed for men’s mag Maxim a few years ago with her twin sister. Hey, I just call ’em like I see ’em.

See you tomorrow America.