Year: 2006 (Page 141 of 228)

Lohan pops her top

Ah, it’s nice to be writing about our It girl again. This time Ms. Lohan is in the news because she discovered director/”friend” Brett Ratner in bed with his girlfriend. OK, what part of that makes no sense at all? That’s right, kids, the whole damn enchilada. Where exactly did she find the two in bed, and what was she doing there, anyway? Well, if it was her pad, understandable, but something tells me it probably wasn’t. Still, this new news can tie in with the dream I had of Lindsay this morning where she was hanging out with me and some friends. We were all drinking mad 40s and I said to her, “Hey, let’s make out.” She replied, “OK, sure.” Then I woke up thanks to one of my cats purring as loudly as possible in my ear.

These boots are made for…screwing up Tony’s marriage. Again.

So how long before Tony closes the deal with Julianna, the smokin’ real estate agent played by Julianna Marguiles? Man, she nailed her role to perfection tonight. Those knee-high boots, that little red leather coat, saying things like “I have a low tolerance for boredom,” visiting Tony at the Bing to talk business. You’ve got to feel for Tony, because on the one hand, he loves Carmella and is profoundly grateful for what she did for him while he was recovering from the gunshot wound. They’re getting along great, both in and out of bed, and T’s got a new lease on life. But on the other hand…I mean, dude, did you see those boots and that coat? Yum. To paraphrase Chris Rock, I’m not saying Tony should’ve cheated on Carm (again)…but I understand.

And yet, in a scene that proves Tony Soprano may have more restraint than just about any red-blooded man in TV Land, T tosses Julianna aside when she straddles him and starts unbuttoning his shirt, reminding him much too vividly of Carmella buttoning up the same shirt for him an hour or two earlier. That’s a great sign for Tony and Carm’s marriage, right? Not so much. Judging by Tony’s mini-tantrum when he discovers there’s no smoked turkey in the fridge when he gets home, there appears to be some rough water ahead. We haven’t seen the last of Ms. Julianna and, hopefully, we haven’t seen the last of her killer boots either.

Tony’s got more problems at home, though, namely A.J. and his thriving social life. He’s hanging out at New York clubs, staying out late, waking up later, and displaying a general disinterest in anything that doesn’t involve booze, coke or women. Problem is, he realizes his buddies only want him around because he’s Tony Soprano’s kid, which is coincidentally the reason girls find him so “intense.” Still hung up on seeking revenge against Joon and trying to prove he’s more than just Anthony Soprano Jr., AJ pays his uncle a visit in the loony bin but panics when he sees Junior, drops the knife he had stashed in his coat, and eventually winds up in cuffs, waiting for dad to pick him up at the police station.

The scene outside the station between Tony and AJ was sensational. They haven’t done much with AJ’s character this season, aside from portraying him as a total fuck-up with zero ambition, so it was nice to see some depth from him tonight. Unfortunately, T’s father-son chat didn’t change much as AJ was at the club again when, uh-oh, he suffered a panic attack. Tony went out of his way to say that AJ was “a nice guy,” an assessment AJ clearly resented, but Tony insisted it was a good thing. He’s told Dr. Melfi several times that he doesn’t want AJ to follow in his footsteps, so it’s no surprise that he would highlight just how different he thinks he and AJ are. Turns out, the apple may not have landed as far away from the tree as T would’ve hoped, which means we’re likely going to be seeing more of AJ (and his shady friends) in the coming weeks too.

And then there’s Vito. This storyline was abandoned last week and this week, we saw why. I’ve been trying to figure out the purpose behind the Vito angle all season, and it seems clear to me now that this has more to do with the problems the situation is going to cause between Tony and Phil and less to do with the situation itself. Vito’s hiding out in this little town, telling everyone he’s writing a book on Rocky Marciano while getting much more comfortable in his new skin, and now that he’s hooked up with Johnny Cakes (the cook at the diner who, Vito discovers, is also a motorcycle-riding volunteer firefighter who pulls children from fiery houses), he seems to be establishing some sort of life for himself. Okay, fine…but now I’m bored. We’re not going to see Vito and Johnny Cakes going on picnics each week, so what’s going to happen now? I’m sure the phone call Vito made to his wife is going to lead to trouble. Phil, who’s really fired up since Vito is married to Phil’s cousin, will trace the number back to the small town and take care of Vito himself. He already tried telling Tony how to deal with the situation, to which Tony took exception, and after making it clear that he’s still not happy with how Tony handled the Tony Blundetto mess last season, you can bet Phil wants to be the guy who finds Vito first.

They’ve been setting Phil up for a fall all season. Looks like that moment is fast approaching.

If you’re looking for a good bathroom read…

…here’s one of the best books you’re ever going to find: Unsold TV Pilots – The Almost Complete Guide To Everything You Never Saw On TV, by Lee Goldberg.

If you laughed really hard at the “Fox Force Five” discussion in “Pulp Fiction,” you won’t be able to stop reading this book…and re-reading it, and re-reading it.

Here are just a few entries to whet your appetite:

Wurlitzer: Scott Maldovan inherits a run-down diner, and in it, an antique, mahogany Wurlitzer jukebox which not only plays timeless hits, but hurls our hapless hero into the past, to the time when each particular song was popular. In the unproduced pilot, Scott is sent to 1968 San Francisco to help a woman in her battle against drug addiction.

Ethel Is An Elephant: Todd Susman is a New York photographer who shares his apartment with a baby elephant abandoned by a circus. The proposed series would chronicle this awkward living arrangement and his constant battles with the city and his landlord to keep the animal.

Poor Devil: Sammy Davis, Jr., stars as the earnest but inept disciple of the Devil (played by Christopher Lee, no less) who constantly fails to win over souls.

Ebony, Ivory, and Jade: On the surface, Ebony Bryant (Debbie Allen) and Ivory David (Martha Smith) are a Las Vegas song-and-dance team, managed by slick guy Nick Jade (Bert Convy)…but they are actually three crack secret agents.

There are also a lot of failed pilots which included actors and actresses who would LATER become famous. After the flop of “Basic Instinct 2,” one wonders if Sharon Stone now wishes that ABC had picked up “Badlands 2005,” the story of a U.S. marshall (Lewis Smith) and his cyborg partner (Miguel Ferrer) who patrol the now barren American West in a high-tech car for a tough female boss…played by Stone, naturally.

SUCH an awesome book.

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