Year: 2006 (Page 107 of 228)

James Woods is the new Woody Allen

June 21, 2006 /

james
“I’m not a pedophile. Really.”

He’s 59 years old. His girlfriend, Ashley Myrick, is 20…so he’s a full TWO YEARS clear of any statutory rape vulnerability, thank you very much.

And yet, Woods still managed to completely skeeve out Us Weekly readers the world over with this quote: “She has it all: beauty, brains, and charm. I knew her when she was a little kid.” [emphasis ours, for maximum gross-out impact]

Ewwwwwww! Think about that for a moment. Think about being 39 years old, and being introduced to an adorable newborn baby girl by her proud, beaming parents…and then banging that same little angel twenty years later. [Shudder!]

We always thought James Woods was kinda creepy, but we could never quite put our finger on the reason for it. Now we can.

Click here for a picture of the happy couple…and then go find some bleach to scrub the image from your brain.

Actors, Gossip

“Star Trek” is totally gay

June 21, 2006 /

gaystartrek

Actually, no disrespect is intended by the above headline. I’m a fan of the franchise…and, frankly, I’m a fan of gay culture. I just couldn’t resist when I stumbled across this link (thanks, Defamer!) to “Star Trek: Hidden Frontier:”

Star Trek: Hidden Frontier, an unofficial fan series produced by Rob Caves, has boldly gone where no Star Trek producer, director, or studio executive has gone before. Premiering in 2000, this low-budget fan production kept true to Roddenberry’s utopian vision of the future. However, it also dealt with the complex romantic triangle between three of its prominent characters, all of which are male.

How’s that for a new spin on an old franchise? Now, about that proposed remake of the original “Star Trek” series: Anyone for some hot Kirk-on-Spock action? Or a Kirk-Spock-Bones love triangle?

And couldn’t the lads from “Queer Eye” do a bang-up job improving the grooming habits, uniforms, and living quarters on that pretty little Enterprise thingie?

Awwwwww, yeah!

TV

Re-Imagining “Trek”: The REAL Final Frontier…?

June 21, 2006 /

Everyone and their brother who’s ever cared even a little bit about “Star Trek” has generally balked at the idea of trying to revisit the original series – Kirk, Spock, McCoy, etcetera – by replacing the original actors with brand-new folks…and, yet, is it really such an awful idea, given how substantial the “Trek” mythos are? Lord knows there’s a ton of material to work with. The problem, ultimately, is that it’s such a given that no-one can fill the shoes of actors like William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, and DeForest Kelley, who each placed such a stamp on the roles. But isn’t it at least worth considering…?

J. Michael Straczynski (“Babylon 5”) and Bryce Zabel (“Dark Skies”) think so…and here’s their modest proposal.

(Note: it’s in .pdf form, so if you don’t have Adobe Acrobat, don’t bother clicking until you do.)

News, TV, TV Dramas

Last Comic Standing: The First Two Go Home

June 21, 2006 /

First of all let me say this…..there were some great comics who got snubbed by the judges in the preliminary round of “Last Comic Standing” to determine who got to go live on the Queen Mary and perform for the right to be the next LCS. I don’t remember anyone specifically (okay, it’s been a week folks) other than Nikki Payne, but she is reason enough for me to be bitter. Remember her? The chick with the lisp and enough energy to power a train? She had me laughing so hard I think I pissed the couch….and the judges took the likes of Rebecca Corry and pregnant Stella over Nikki. Well, now that the voting is in the hands of audiences, only the true great performers will get to stay in the game, and the judges can go hang out with their counterparts in figure skating. Yes Kathy Griffin, that means you!

Okay, one more random thought….does anyone else out there find host Anthony Clark to be the most unfunny person on television? How in the hell did he get this gig? So he was in a moderately funny sit-com….but if he’s ever done stand up and deserves to be here, he’s sure not showing it on LCS. Where is Jay Mohr anyway?

Okay…so the final 12 made it to their rooms on the Queen Mary……and the ones I think are very funny and have a legitimate shot to win are Roz, Josh Blue, Gabriel Iglesias, Chris, and Kristin Key.
Dark horses are Joey Gay, Bill Dwyer, April Macie, Ty Barnett and Michelle Balan. The ones who have no business being here are Stella and Rebecca.

After having dinner together and getting to know each other better, the comics’ names were chosen at random to perform and heckle each other, and the best of each were chosen by the studio audience to gain immunity….meaning, they couldn’t be kicked off in the first round. Kristin Key and Michelle showed really quick wits and were the most entertaining to watch bust on each other, but it was Roz who was voted the best heckler and Chris voted the best comic of the evening.

Then each comic got in front of a camera and stated who they thought they were funnier than, and the three with the most challenges got to perform against each other with two comics going home after the studio audience voting. It was no surprise that Stella was one of them, but a bit surprising that Michelle received just as many challenges…April Macie was the third.

As for the performances themselves…..Stella was a train wreck and it was obvious the judges wanted her on the boat just to piss off Roz. Michelle was incredibly funny (primarily busting on herself for being old, short and/or Jewish) and April was just okay. No surprise then that Michelle was voted the best comic by the audience and Stella and April went home.

So now there are 10 left, and there will be two more double-elimination rounds before the final six are left to perform with all of us at home voting. Tempers will flare as everyone vies for position, and maybe someone will get thrown overboard. Now THAT would be funny.

Vandalay, OUT.

Stand-Up Comics, TV

Once, twice, three times a man

June 20, 2006 /

It’s true: every woman in Tommy’s life is crazy. Sheila wants to have his baby; Maggie wants him to stop pestering Garrity (despite his recent claim of love for her); Ms. Turbity wants to be his booty call; and Janet, well, she’s apparently okay with being practically raped by him. No joke. After coming over to discuss their post-marriage financial situation (i.e. who gets what), Tommy throws her down and rips off her shirt. Janet is hesitant at first, and even clocks him a good one, but soon enough she’s moaning along with the good times. Tommy leaves with a wink, and Janet finds a change of clothes just in time before Johnny gets home. Is this how it’s going to be from now on? Oh brother.

Meanwhile, as Jerry struggles to keep awake during both of jobs, and Franco stresses over his rich MILF girlfriend, Probie’s situation at home gets even stranger. Apparently, the two roommates aren’t gay, but Probie doesn’t mind getting a blowjob from his buddy while watching the hockey game, and his buddy doesn’t mind doing the giving. Uh-kay. I’m pretty sure that indicates that they’re both a little homosexual, even though Probie claims he will never be on the giving end. It doesn’t matter dude, and yes, oral sex is considered sex. You needn’t go any further than old Clinton jokes to figure that one out.

This subplot is getting more fucked up by the week, but at least Lou’s depressed drunkard act looks to be coming to a close. Franco finally confronted him about that night he saw him toasted on the street, and after a small chat with a homeless man about who’s a bigger loser, Lou went to Tommy for help. Thank god! Any longer and I would have been officially sick and tired of the series taking chances. Then again, I’m still waiting for this whole Probie thing to get cleared up. Either make him gay or don’t; it doesn’t really matter. What does matter, however, is the careful is-he-or-isn’t-he slinking around that the writers seem so proud of adding as a twist. It’s not clever guys, so make up your minds. Or at least make up his…

Rescue Me, TV

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