Month: March 2006 (Page 16 of 23)

American Idol: Dudes Night

Last night the dudes took to the stage in “American Idol” and, quite like the ladies on Tuesday night, there were a lot of mediocre performances. When the competition gets down to the final rounds, a mediocre showing or poor song choice can mean a ticket home, and that could definitely be the case for a few of last night’s performers.

Here is my recap of the good, the band and the in-between:

THE GOOD

There was really only one performance last night worthy of guaranteed advancement to the next round, and that was everyone’s favorite gray-haired boy, Taylor Hicks. Taylor sang the Doobie Brothers’ “Takin’ It To the Streets” and it was the perfect song for him because he’s got that whole Michael McDonald/Joe Cocker thing going on anyway. Simon said Taylor stood out last night and he definitely did.

THE IN-BETWEEN

If I could give out B-pluses, that’s what I’d give both Gedeon and Chris. Gedeon sang “When a Man Loves a Woman” and did a nice job with it. Randy Jackson called Gedeon an “old soul” because he’s like a throwback to the early Motown era, and Simon declared him interesting enough of a performer to continue on.

Chris sang Seether’s “Broken” and while he obviously has the best voice among the guys, he just turned in an effort that was not up to the bar he set last week.

Will Makar sang a James Taylor song and, while he has a nice voice too, just turned in a performance that makes you start looking around the room and decide if it’s time to paint the walls. That, and he seems to be cut from that Clay Aiken mold….strong voice, not raspy, wussy style. Not that it’s a bad thing to shoot for, but it just seems a bit tired to me.

Elliott “Abe Lincoln” sang Bryan Adams’ “Heaven” and while Paula and Randy loved it, I agreed completely with Simon, who said it was a “cop-out.” It was just safe, uninteresting and well below Elliott’s capabilities.

THE BAD

This is going to be hard for me because I wanted there to be two clear-cut favorites for elimination, but alas, there are three that could go home.

Lispy Kevin made a comment in his video piece that he’s a fan of Kanye West, then cut to the live action…..and dude sang Don McLean’s “Vincent.” Folks, there isn’t a more limp-wristed song ever written. Kevin has a nice enough voice, but he’s just not top 12 material.

Bucky sang a country song and I’m going to admit to not knowing what it was….it’s a good genre for the blond hillbilly but compared to some of the in-betweens, it was a forgettable performance.

Then there is Ace, who sang Michael Jackson’s “Butterflies.” You know what, scratch what I said about “Vincent.” This is the most limp-wristed song ever. And is it just me, or did Randy and Paula check their ears at the door? They both loved this dude’s performance, which went back and forth between falsetto and full voice but not without being all over the place. Bottom line: Ace sucked last night….Simon said parts were not great, but here’s hoping America saw what I did, and that’s that the whole performance was just awful.

So there you have it. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that Bucky and Kevin will be going home, and that America will be stupid enough to agree with Randy and Paula about Ace. For the girls, look for Melissa McGhee to rejoin her friend Heather Cox at their, errr, day job at the Foxy Unicorn and for Kinnik Sky to also take a hike. It’s always fun to see how it shakes out….oh, and my man Bo Bice performs tonight and will show America that they made a mistake last season.

Vandalay, OUT.

Michael Knight no Yanni!

David Hasselhoff’s estranged wife is accusing him of domestic violence! He denies the claims, and I have to believe him. After all, this is the man who openly and warmly punishes all with his shows and music. A guy that wound up with alcohol poisoning on a bender and has been in and out of rehab with zero success! A man who’s gearing up for a December release of a “Knight Rider” flick and working to bring “Baywatch” to the big screen as well! I mean, this guy’s life is so rich with opportunity! Who doesn’t wanna dig in to the goodness and purity that is Hasselhoff?

Ask Professor Natalie

Harvard-educated actress and stone cold killah Natalie Portman guest-lectured students just two years younger than herself in a Columbia University class on “Terrorism and Counterterrorism” this week.

During her appearance in class (part of an MTV-U promotion for upcoming Wachowski brothers flick “V for Vendetta”), Portman dispensed controversial opinions such as “torture is wrong” and “censorship is bad.” She also went on to say, “I don’t think it’s right to take down the Twin Towers.” However, she did confirm that under certain circumstances it would be appropriate for someone of her level of hotness to date a goofy-looking guy like Zach Braff.

It’s over, all right? Just get over it already! God!

Ah, reality TV has claimed another couple. Travis Stork and Sarah Stone have parted ways. Yes, shed a tear. Wait, who? Oh yeah, those two losers from “The Bachelor: Paris”. But wait, didn’t they just “win”? Yes they did, but after taping finished, they weren’t allowed to contact each other for four months. Oh isn’t fucking with peoples’ lives for fun and profit on TV just the best? All that for nothing. I’m only too happy I don’t watch these shows. I’d hate to think I put personal time into something like watching such dreck only to be ripped off in the end. TV is a hot lover. TV is a cold bitch. TV is somewhere to see Vic Tayback yell at Linda Lavin. The good old days.

Creepy old billionaire wants to date his daughter

Recognizing that jokes about incest are always a laugh riot, Donald Trump mentioned during a recent appearance on ABC’s “The View” that his 24-year-old daughter Ivanka has “a nice figure,” and that if she weren’t his daughter, he might be dating her right now.

Ivanka then apparently smiled and returned her father’s compliments by indicating that she might date him, too…if he weren’t a skeevy, incestuous old blowhard with a bad rug.

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