Month: March 2006 (Page 15 of 23)

American Idol: The Final 12 Revealed

Last night was the final results show on “American Idol” to determining the top 12 finalists in the competition. There were some surprises…..actually some big surprises. But more on that in a minute…..

The show started with a performance from last season’s runner-up, Bo Bice. Look, I thought Bo was better than Carrie Underwood and should have won, but last night he sang his new single, “The Real Thing,” and just wasn’t very good. And it’s not all his fault. But can someone tell me why producers make folks like Bo and Kelly Clarkson sing songs that are out of their range? Dude was straining so bad I thought he was going to have an aneurism. And he tried to cover it up by flipping his mic stand around like a wild man. Bo, you’re awesome, but be careful out there.

So on to the eliminations. No surprise that the first chick to go home was Kinnik Sky. After she butchered that Alicia Keys tune she left little doubt. Painfully, they made us hear her sing it again. Let’s all be thankful for mute buttons.

For the guys, Will Makar had the lowest number of votes. I can’t say I’m surprised by the choice, because America doesn’t want another Clay Aiken and certainly not one that doesn’t sing as good. He turned in a boring performance Wednesday night and it showed in the voting.

Then the girls got up there again, and it came down to Melissa McGhee and Ayla Brown. Then Ryan Seacrest delivered the news to Melissa that she was in the top 12, and that Ayla was going home. Look, Ayla wasn’t that great the other night but she was a way better singer than Melissa. All I can think of is that Marlboro rigged the voting because they are surely getting ready to offer Melissa an endorsement deal.

Still, this was not the shocker of the evening. While going through the remaining guys, I watched Ryan tell lispy Kevin and Ace that they were advancing to the finals. That left Gedeon and Bucky…..now, Bucky was one I had suspected would be eliminated because he wasn’t very good, but I thought Gedeon was at least good enough for the final 12. But Bucky was the one to advance, maybe because he had the hillbilly vote or because America was frightened by Gedeon’s bright smile. I’ll say this to Gedeon—dude, you got robbed.

So there you have it. Here are the final 12, in order according to the Vandalay Power Rankings:

1. Mandisa
2. Chris Daughtry
3. Paris Bennett
4. Lisa Tucker
5. Taylor Hicks
6. Kellie Pickler
7. Katharine McPhee
8. Elliott Yamin
9. Ace Young
10. Kevin Covais
11. Melissa McGhee
12. Bucky Covington

Oh, but first…….what the hell were the Brittenum twins doing back? They were both in the studio audience wearing matching white outfits….what happened to the orange jumpsuits and what were they doing there? Bizarre.

So we’ll see you next week…..my first choice for elimination as we count down the final 11 weeks has got to be Bucky Covington. Ma’s Diner had better stock up on sweet tea.

Vandalay, OUT.

“Welcome [back] to the O.C., bitch!”

You know something is up when the creators of a TV program bring back a beloved character who has long since left the show. Either it’s sweeps month, and they’re just doing it as a stunt to boost ratings (witness Noah Wyle’s return to E.R. last month)…or they think the overall health of their show is in trouble. Since March ain’t sweeps month, we can only assume that the return of Samaire Armstrong to “The O.C.” is the writers’ equivalent of a desperate cry for help.

Last seen leaving perfect soul mate Seth (Adam Brody) because, well, Seth is only funny when he’s unhappy, and an unfunny Seth is just annoying, Armstrong’s character Anna moved back to whatever non-O.C. slum from whence she came, and hadn’t been heard from since 2004…until now. Presumably, things are going much too smoothly between Seth and Summer, and Anna needs to throw the balance back out of whack. I say presumably, incidentally, because I stopped watching this show after its second season.

And here’s the thing: Samaire’s adorable, and good for her for being a good sport and showing up where she’s needed…but this quick band-aid isn’t enough to fix the show — or to make me start watching again.

Let’s review some of the writers’ prior infractions, shall we? To date, they have:

1. Turned one of the most likable, stable, level-headed characters on the show (Hot Mom Kirsten) into a raging lush for no apparent reason

2. Killed off one of the other most likable (well, love-to-hatable) characters, Kirsten’s father Caleb

3. Turned public defender and stand-up-guy Sandy into a sneak who lies to his wife about seeing his ex-girlfriend and sells out to go work for “the man”

4. Continued to employ Mischa Barton despite zero evidence of acting ability; and

5. Replaced Marissa’s younger sister Caitlin after a two-year absence at “boarding school” with an actress easily five years older than the original Caitlin.

Not quite sure what the return of Anna Stern will do to address any of the above…but, hey, admitting you have a problem is the first step towards solving it, right?

Who doesn’t enjoy a good crossover…?

In lieu of a new episode of “My Name Is Earl” this evening, we thought we’d bring you a newsbrief about the show…but you won’t be able to see it ’til Season 1 makes it to DVD. Apparently, when the set emerges later this year, it will include a special 15-minute bonus episode which proposes what would’ve happened if Earl, while flipping down the channels on that fateful day, missed the Carson Daly episode that taught him about karma…and instead landed on an episode of “Family Guy.”

By God, that just might be worth buying the set for.

Reluctant passing of the Latina Queen torch

Photo Daily News posted this article on the behind-the-scenes mayhem that goes into the creation of the annual post-Oscars issue of that bastion of literary finetude, Us Weekly. Details on how the gossip rag’s editors sort through 40,000 photos of lovely ladies, penguins, and closeted stars escorting their mothers are certainly enlightening…but of much greater interest is the description of the photogenic glare-down between sizzling paragons of Latina beauty Jennifer Lopez and Jessica Alba. Apparently, the actresses were captured on film arriving at the Governor’s Ball at the same time, wearing similar dresses, and “shooting each other icy daggers with their eyes.”

One can only imagine the spicy dialogue that ensued:

Jenny from the Block: “Bitch. I’m the reigning Queen Latina Sex Bomb. The hell you doing here?”
Jessica: “Nuh-uh, you sad little has-been ho. I’m the yummiest Latina sexpot in the room, times ten. You’re just a faded suburban wannabe pop star with a fat ass, married to a smarmy bug-eyed control freak. Deal with it.”
J Lo: “My Marc Anthony is going to cut you all up in pieces for that, you nasty skank. And who said you could wear light green tonight?”
Jessica: “I wear what I want, bee-yotch. Now step off, before the scent of your failure rubs off on me.”
Eva Longoria: “Jesus! It’s Oscar Night. Be nice. F#@k! Besides, I’m way hotter than either of you putas.”

Can’t wait to see the photo when the new issue of Shamefully Guilty Pleasure Weekly comes out.

Remaking Hollywood

For those of you still wondering why the box office has been rapidly declining over the years, it’s because of weekends like this. Three new films open on Friday, two of which are remakes, and the other which might as well be. The reimagining of Wes Craven’s classic 70’s horror flick “The Hills Have Eyes” probably has the best shot at topping the box office, but it’s hard to count out a kid’s movie (“The Shaggy Dog”) and a romantic comedy (“Failure to Launch“), both of which have equal ability to upset the always financially successful horror genre.

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